


Changing Daggers

by Megatoxic



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-09-02 21:21:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 56,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16794970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megatoxic/pseuds/Megatoxic
Summary: Winslow was sent by a well paying party in Tevinter to spy and report back on the meetings at the Conclave. What she couldn't have been prepared for was how much that job would change her life. This is a story about accepting that which cannot be changed and if love happens along the way... well that's okay too.





	1. Before the Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age as we all know. I am not nearly inspirational enough to have created the universe myself. I am simply an avid fan. 
> 
> This journey is meant to have a Cullen/Winslow destination, but we'll see how she holds up. She's a fiesty and determined little thing and I'm discovering that she calls the shots not I.
> 
> I will endeavour to stay a chapter or two ahead so that there's consistent posting on here, but please be kind and patient. I am a full time working mother to a rambunctious four year old. My life gets crazy at times. 
> 
> Also, I welcome comments/critiques, but please be kind there too. I'm not as stoic as Winslow. 
> 
> This is my first fanfic on here. Wish me luck!

Winslow kept her head down and her posture as meek as possible as healers and soldiers alike moved among the mass of people she was sitting amongst. Every inch of her skin was covered in a thick layer of dust and grime, and she was sporting a few superficial wounds of her own. Above all, she knew that her life depended on no one discovering she wasn't supposed to be there. 

She had been paid to spy and report on the events at the Conclave by a very important person from Tevienter. Granted, she had never properly met her employer, but her pockets had been empty along with her belly. It had not taken her being there for long before she had been tipped off that something was not quite right. Clearly, she had not got away fast enough. 

Currently, herself and approximately three hundered other people were outside the gates of Haven where they had been herded after the explosion. A loud Fereldan accent cut through the noise of the crowd, "Please everyone remain calm. We have mages and healers coming around to tend to wounds. Understand that no one is allowed to leave as we search for those reaponsible for this tragedy."

Winslow's hazel green eyes followed the voice to the man addressing the crowd. Cullen Rutherford she has heard was his name, and she knew from the stories of Kirkwall that he was probably not a man to be trifled with. She knew with every fiber of her being that she had to get away. She was scanning the crowd of lost souls scattered in the snow when a gentle hand touched her forearm. 

"Are you injured child?" a woman dressed as a healer asked her in a soft voice. She shook her head vigorously and attempted to pull her arm out of her grasp. 

The healer 'tsked' and pulled her sleeve up to reveal a long and deep gash on her arm, "Oh my dear, we should tend to this before it becomes infected."

"It is fine healer. There are many more people here who are hurt worse than I," she rushed to assure her. "Please go tend to them first," she pleaded in as humble a tone as she knew how. 

The older woman eyed her critically for a moment before nodding her head and moving on to the woman beside her who was sporting a large wound on her forehead. She pulled the hood up on her dark cloak and the sleeve back down to cover her injury. The blast had been such a blur she was unsure how she even got it much less any of the others she felt peppering her body. 

As her eyes roamed the large crowd, Winslow acknowledged that if she did not try to get away now she would loose her chance. She had done nothing to cause the disaster, but trying to explain thay if they discovered who had paid her would be an uphill battle that could very well get her killed. She moved as quickly and silently as her rogue feet would allow her to in the only direction that appeared clear. Unfortunately, it was also the one that led back to the massive hole in the sky. 

She dreaded going that way, but her options were limited and she'd always been resourceful. There had never been a choice not to be in her short life. No one seemed to be paying any attention to her small hooded figure and she was feeling secure until she reached the gates that led up to the pathway to the temple. She ducked behind a wagon so that the guards would not see her and instantly regretted it. 

The smell of scorched and rotting flesh invaded her senses and she realized what had to be loaded on the wagon. 'What now?' she asked herself bitterly as she sat there. She would certainly be questioned if she was found like this. She had just come to the conclusion that she had no choice but to head back when she heard a commontion among the guards. 

"It's a bloody mage!" one man shouted to his comrades. 

"No shit Derek. We got eyes too. He's put his staff down. Cuff him and we'll take him to the Commander," another man said hurriedly. 

"There is no need for those, but I can see that you will not be dissuaded," a kind-sounding voice said. 

"Be silent knife-ear or I will run you through!" the guard named Derek thundered. 

Winslow kept as low to the ground as she could as a group of men passed her hiding spot. There about a dozen of them in all surrounding what she had to assume was the elven mage. They moved swiftly and all she could see of the mage in question was a flash of green. An unwelcome wave of pity for the man washed over her as the sight temporarily brought back memories that would never completely fade.

Pushing the unlucky man's destiny from her mind, she peered around the wagon again to see no one in sight! The idiots had apparently forgotten to leave a guard behind in their depseration to shackle the mage. She rushed out the gate and followed the path as best she could. There were dead bodies everywhere. She knew a thing or two about death, but she had never seen it like this. 

It took her roughly half an hour of walking before the temple loomed in front of her and the bright green light from above seemed to overpower the area. There was an almost hypnotizing quality to the hole in the sky, and before she knew it her feet seemed to be moving on their own accord. 

If you asked her later how she came to be standing beneath the breach that fateful day she would not be able to recall. There she was though standing directly below a massive tear in the fade. The green light wiped out the brown in her eyes making them appear completely green. 

Her spell was finally broken when a voice roughly yelled at her, "Miss! What are you doing?"

She turned in a daze to see a man in templar armor hopping down a ledge and running toward her. 'How did I get down here?' she mentally asked herself. She had apparently pulled her hood down as well and her long blonde hair blew softly in the cold breeze. 

"Miss," the templar repeated as he drew up in front of her, "you really shouldn't be here. It is not safe."

She couldn't see his face through his helm, but he sounded kind enough which was strange for a templar in her opinion. Behind him, she could see other templars and guards approaching them. Suddenly, the ground began to shake and the air started to feel thicker. A smell that reminded her of sulphur invaded her nose and the templar in front of her reached for his sheathed sword. 

"Move now!" he yelled at her. As he reached for her, the sky above them flared an even brighter green. A blast that sent a massive shockwave through her body pulsed out from the tear and dropped her to her knees. A static hum seemed to cling to her skin and her mind was fighting an overwhelming darkness that was threatening to take over. 

"Someone has fallen from it," a shocked voice stated. She attempted to pull herself up to get a look, but her head was spinning and before she knew what was happeneing the darkness overcame her. She passed out cold among the ashes of the dead.


	2. A Leap of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some pieces fall into place when it comes to Winslow's past. We'll really dive in deep on a later date, but for now let's build some ground work. 
> 
> Oh and of course, Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Cullen/Winslow meeting yet, but I promise it's coming. I'd say it'll take another couple of chapters to put some things into motion and then we'll get there. She's already there in my mind I just haven't put it to paper yet!
> 
> And yes... I still use pen and paper. Before it makes it here, I hand write my chapters and edit them as I type them out. 
> 
> *Shrugs*  
> I like it that way.

When Winslow's eyes finally opened she instantly closed them again. Her head was pounding and her throat felt extremely dry. She attempted to sit up, but felt a cool hand gently push her back down again. 

"Please be calm. Your body may need a minute," a vaguely familiar voice advised her. 

Her eyes focused on the man the voice came from. He was sitting on the cot she was laying on and big blue eyes were regarding her with what looked to be curiosity and concern. His ears were tapered to fine points and his head was bald which made his ears stand out even more. The green coat he was wearing appeared worn and frayed and the material drew her attention. Several pieces of a messy puzzle fell into place in her head. 

"You are the mage that surrended to them. You just walked up and put your staff down," she stated with a struggle. 

He seemed to notice her predicament and left her side momentarily. When he returned seconds later he had a jug and laddle in his hands and kindly helped her drink a laddleful of water. 

"Thank you," she said with a hint of shame. She had never needed help doing something so simple. 

"You are welcome," he replied smoothly. "And yes, I am that mage, but how do you know this? You have been unconscious for nearly a day."

She cursed inwardly at her own stupidity and locked her jaw shut stiffly. 'What do I say?' her mind frantically wondered in a haze. The mysterious man seemes to pick up her unwillingness to say and he changed tactics.

"My name is Solas and I am an apostate. I know much of the fade. In fact, much more than any circle mage could possibly know and I have come to offer whatever support I can to close the hole in the sky," he explained. 

"Well that makes you either very noble or very stupid," she answered softly. 

Solas chuckled at her remark, "I suppose that you are probably right about that. If you are concerned about being a mage I can assure you that they are taking whatever help they can get at the moment. We are all apostates now."

Her pounding head about exploded at his words and a mix of confusion and anger came forth, "You are mistaken. I am no mage."

Solas' brow raised slightly as he regarded her, "There is no need to lie to me. I can sense your connection to the fade. It is actually quite strong for a human."

She struggled to sit up on the cot and he sat back to give her the room to do so. She noticed that she had been cleaned up a little bit and dressed in a simple white cotton gown. Her long blonde hair was in a simple braid down her back, and they were in a tent that seemed to be made into a makeshift infirmary. 

She turned her attention back to the mage in front of her, "I have never had magic. I am twenty-two. It would have shown itself by now."

He scanned her face and seemed to decided after a moment that he believed her. "I wonder if it could be an affect of the breach," he mused outloud. 

Winslow's heart was beating quickly as her fear started taking over her confusion and anger. "I don't really give a damn what caused it! I will not be a mage," she exclaimed as she attempted to stand up. 

"Please, miss, you really are not ready to be up and about. You received a serious head wound when the prisoner fell out of the breach," Solas explained while quickly moving in front of her and grabbing her shoulders to steady her. 

She was wobbly on her feet. Her head felt like it might split open and she was somewhat distracted by his words. "That's right. Someone fell out of the hole while I was there?" she asked weakly, but she already remebered the answer. 

"Yes, another mage with a strange mark on his hand," Solas explained in a clipped tone. "He has still not awakened," he said with a hint of concern.

"What do I do now?" she asked him timidly. It was very unlike her to feel this way, but with everything being thrown at her she was feeling very unsure of herself. 

"Well, we could start with a name," he said in a softly encouraging tone. 

Her hazel eyes met his blue ones and she took an unbelievable leap of faith, "My name is Winslow."

**********

Solas had asked her a few more questions, but she had bottled up after telling him her name. That in itself was dumb enough. She spent the following afternoon and night falling in and out of sleep. Others seemed to come and go from the tent, but they were all nondescript and blurred together. 

When she finally awoke properly, the tent was lit up by the light outside. She assessed that she felt much better, and even discovered that the cut on her arm was completely gone. There was no doubt that magic was involved and her stomach turned at her new predicament. She was now apparently a mage. 

She wondered how fast she could get up and escape when the tent flap opened and Solas entered followed closely by a woman in heavy armor. The front of her armor bore a slightly familiar symbol; although, she couldn't place it off the top of her head. Dark coal-lined eyes regarder her and Winslow knew just from that look that this woman could hold her own. 

"Is this her Solas?" the woman asked with a thick accent. Winslow was a little bothered that she couldn't place that either. She decided in that moment that she would never agree to be a spy of any sort again. She wasn't nearly as worldly as she'd thought and quite frankly the shit just wasn't for her. 

"Yes, Seeker, this is the girl that was there," Solas confirmed. A slight spark of anger clouded her mind at being called a 'girl' as that ship had sailed long ago, but she was pleased to now be able to place the symbol on the woman's armor. 

"Very well," the Seeker said and she turned her attention to the two healers on the other side of the tent, "out please."

Both women looked a little distressed and Winslow recognized the older healer as the one who had tried to attend to her arm. 

"My lady, there are others injured here who need our care as well," the older mage said kindly but firmly. She indicated the other three individuals laying in cots. 

Solas took a step towards her and bowed his head slightly in respect at her. "Allow me to help? I can put them in a peaceful sleep that will maintain them if that is alright?" he asked humbly. 

"Very well," the healer nodded in acceptance after taking a moment to realize that was the best offer she was going to get. The mage lifted his hands and a soft blue light seemed to glow around the forms laying in the cots. When the glow faded the soft sound of sleeping exhales permeated the silence. 

"Very good. Now leave and ensure that we are not distrubed," the Seeker commanded roughly. She was clearly not a patient woman. As the the two women left, they both cast dark glances her way. When the tent had closed behind them she turned her attention to Solas expectantly, "Can you guarantee us privacy?"

Solas lips twitched as if he might smile or perhaps laugh, but be did not. "Certainly Seeker," he replied coolly. 

He lifted her hands again slightly and although no light apleared anywhere the tent suddenly felt as if the air had been condensed inside of it. All noises from the outside immediately ceased. A slightly tingly sensation had slid over Winslow's skin and when he lowered his hands it disappeared. She realized in that moment that she had just felt his magic. Her eyes had to be as big as saucers and her stomach turned making her feel as if she might hurl. 

The woman's dark eyes were on her again and she suddenly felt underdressed, weak, and self-conscious. "I am the Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast and I am... was the Right Hand of the Divine. What is your name mage?" she asked in a tone that brokered no forgiveness. 

"My name is Winslow," she replied softly. 

"Surname?" the Seeker proceeded without hesitation. 

"I have none my lady," Winslow replied truthfully. 

The dark eyebrows on the Seeker's face raised in question and Winslow rushed to explain as best she could. "I never knew my father and my mother was taken from me when I was very young," she said. 

"Taken?" Solas questioned. 

On another leap of faith, Winslow swallowed nervously and answered, "She was a mage."


	3. In No Position

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're still around, thank you so much for giving Winslow a chance! One more chapter after this and Cullen/Winslow interaction will be in play. 
> 
> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

The mage Solas' eyebrows shot upwards toward his bald head at her confession. "Your mother was a mage as well?" he asked. 

Winslow resisted the urge to fiddle with her long blonde braid in nervousness. He was obviously now seriously doubting her claim of not being a mage prior to the incident. "From what I can remeber of her, yes," she replied. 

"Enough," the Seeker said abruptly, "we do not have the time for a life story. Especially the one of an apostate mage. How did you come to be here?"

She had opened her mouth slightly at the word 'apostate,' but Solas was standing behind the Seeker and shook his head at her in warning. For whatever reason, she took this warning and redirected to the question that she had been dreading since everything had gone to hell.

"This maddness affects us all and I came here to be a part of history or at least witness it being made," she supplied as her her well-rehearsed answer. She had used it several times since her arrival in the area and she would continue to do so. She could only rely on herself for true protection. 

The Seeker gave a short nod as if her answer was expected, "Why did you approach the breach?"

Now this was a question that she couldn't have possibly been prepared for and she made her face contort into what she hoped looked like an apologetic demeanor. "My curiosity got the best of me," she said as shyly as she knew how. Shy wasn't something she was often enough for it to come naturally. 

A snort came from the dark haired warrior, "You were curious about the thing that has caused devastation on a massive scale and taken so many lives?"

Winslow folded her hands in her lap and kept her eyes on them, "I clearly know now that was a silly and childish act on my part."

"It was stupidity," the Seeker stated firmly. 

Red stained her cheeks at the words and she hoped they took that as a sign of embarrassment rather than the rage she actually felt. She didn't take kindly to being called derogatory things and she had certainly heard them all before. It usually ended with her dagger being drawn and possibly used. That was clearly not an option in this situation. 

"Please, you are not in trouble Winslow," Solas said kindly. 

"I will be the judge of that," the woman cut him off. "What happened before the elf fell out of the breach?" she demanded. 

She decided that the truth was probably the best option here as possibly they could explain it to her. 

"I didn't realize that an elf had fallen out. Only that someone had and that was right before I lost consciousness. Once I got close enough, it just sort of drew me in," she admitted lamely. "It was as if I couldn't look away and I had to get closer. Once I was directly underneath it a templar spotted me and tried to warn me away, but it was too late I suppose. A pulse seemed to come from it and the force knocked me down. That's the last I remeber before I woke up with Solas tending to me."

"And do you feel such a pull when you are near the breach?" the Seeker directed at Solas. 

He was regarding Winslow curiously as he responded, "I have to admit that I do not."

Her dark braided head nodded as the Seeker processed this information. "Very well. That will be all for now, but know that we will be watching you closely. You are not permitted to leave Haven. Once you are allowed to leave the infirmary, the healers may bunk you with the other refugees of your station for now. I may call on you again soon."

With a nod Solas' way the air seemed to thin in the tent again and sound from outside returned. Without another word the Seeker turned and left the tent. Solas smiled at her softly, "You did well Winslow."

She wanted to throw back at him that she didn't need his approval as a dog or child would, but instead she bit the inside of her mouth hard and nodded her head in thanks. 

"The healers will help you find where you need to go and when I have time we need to discuss training for your abilities," he continued. 

"That won't be necessary," she said quickly but he looked at her sternly. 

"It certainly is necessary," he responded resolutely. "Possession is a huge concern for every mage," he stated. 

"Fine. If I must," Winslow replied while looking down at her hands again. She was going to do her damndest to get out and away as soon as possible. Those words meant nothing.

**********

Winslow was given her old clothes back as well as her cloak. They had been somewhat cleaned and her own body had been wiped down as well. She still felt grimy just a bit less so. The kind healer, who she learned was named Martha, had deemed her recovered enough, and by early afternoon she was leading her towards the Chantry and her next destination. 

"There is a large tent towars the Chantry that has been reserved for mages," Martha explained in her kind voice as she led the way. 

Winslow stopped dead in her tracks drawing Martha's attention her way. "I do not want to stay with the mages," she said seriously. 

"Well child you'll be hard pressed to find any others who will let a mage share with them," Martha advised.

She shook her head and looked at her feet gloomily. This was not what she wanted. Her fingers lightly touched the daggers at her hips out of habit, and anger suddenly took over her despair. She wanted to grab the healer and shake her until she understood that there was no way she could be a mage. This was obviously a huge misunderstanding, but she knew it would all be for nothing. 

It hit her in that moment that Solas had not mentioned to the Seeker that her magic only became sensible after the incident at the breach. Not to mention, the fact that she had yet to even actually use it. Martha was regarding her nervously as she was lost in her thoughts and cleared her throat slightly to bring the young woman's mind back to the present. 

"I'm sorry healer. I'm in no position to be picky. Thank you," she said to her. 

Martha's kind smile returned as they resumed walking, "These are difficult times my dear. We all must be kind to one another."

The rest of the way they were both silent. Martha seemed at peace for a moment away from the infirmary and sick, and Winslow had retreated to her thoughts again. They were both startled when a young lad ran past them shouting, "The prisoner is awake!"

Both women followed the lad with their eyes all the way to the Chantry doors which were being held open by two guards. The Seeker appeared from within with a shackeled man by her side. As the man's gaze quickly scanned his surroundings, Winslow was able to distinguish that he was in fact elven. He had dark hair that was closely shaved on the sides and a dark glossy wave on top. His face was also tattooed which marked him as Dalish. 

Everyone within the vicinity started murming about him and her ears picked up words like 'murderer' and 'knife-ear' easily. If she could hear such easily then surely his sharper hearing could as well. All of the sudden, his left hand flared a bright green and he fell to his knees in obvious pain. Winslow gasped in shock and she noticed it was reflected on many faces around her. 

"They are saying that he caused the explosion and killed the Divine," Martha whispered to her as they watched the Seeker bend down and speak with the man. 

"What is that mark on his hand?" she asked her. 

"No one knows as of yet," she replied back. 

They watched as the Seeker removed the shackels from his wrists causing gasps to come from those gathered. The Seeker ignored this as she helped him to his feet and they began their trek out of the city. 

"Where is she taking him?" Winslow mused outloud. 

"To try and fix this mess I presume," Martha answered somberly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... there's the Inquisitor. I'm still trying to come up with a good name for him. I've got a chapter or two to think on it.


	4. A Low Blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this chapter includes violence and slightly sexually suggestive comments. This story is rated M for Mature and tagged accordingly. 
> 
> I will make a point to try and remember to notate each chapter that has more pointed or possibly triggering violence.

It had been two days since Winslow had been led to the mages and left there. Two days since the elven man they were calling the Herald of Andraste managed to get the breach to stop spreading. In those two days, she had slowly and efficiently been scavaging supplies for her escape. It had been hard considering the dire straights everyone was in, but not impossible. 

As the sun was beginning to set on that second day, she decided it was time. Time to put as much distance between herself and the choas as possible. She studiously ignored the mages around her. She had no desire to make friends and they all appeared to be ex-cirlce mages who looked at her as if she had a third eyeball. No doubt, they thought her to be a witch of the wilds. 

She waited until the town seemed to be settling down. Most of the mages were either laying in their furs or on the other side of the tent and far away from her. She hid her small bag of provisions on her back and under her cloak. The hood of her cloak was pulled around her head loosely so that her face would be hard to see in it's shadow and she set off. 

The only sounds seemed to be coming from The Singing Maiden, but that was easy to avoid when heading for the main gate. Her heart was trying to beat out of her chest as the Seeker's warning not to leave rang in her ears. She really didn't see another way and she wanted no part of this whole religious and political mess. 

When she made it to the gates, she was relieved to see they were still open. She carefully clung to the shadows of the walls and once outside the gate she ducked behind the bushes. She could see guards and templars alike walking among the tents by the lake, but as far as she could tell none were paying attention. 

She had barely made it into the trees of the nearby woodland when a deep male voice startled her, "Stop right there."

Her attention snapped to a templar who was standing and now blocking her path with his sword drawn. She hadn't heard him approach. Had he been waiting on her she wondered?

He was a large man with a mop of unruly and unwashed ginger hair on top of his head and he sneered at her obvious confusion. "We were tipped off by the Nightengale's people that you seemed to be preparing to run you see? It was easy enough to keep tabs on you from there you mage bitch," he said viciously. 

At his words, three more templars stepped out from the surrounding shadows. "If you agree to come along like a good girl then I'm sure the Commander won't go too hard on you. Not that you probably don't deserve it," the templar continued. 

Seeing the templars lined up strategically to keep her contained infuriated her. It also unwillingly brought back childhood fears. "I've never been good at being a 'good girl,'" she said through gritted teeth. 

With that she pulled her twin daggers and slipped into stealth. This allowed her to go around their right side successfully, but what she had forgotten about was that they were trained templars and she an untrained mage. Before, she was still clinging to a small and desperate hope that she was not a mage, but this was the defining moment in her life that changed the doubt that she now had magic within her. 

A force seemed to knock into her even though no one physically touched her. The forced felt like it came from within her very soul and it sent a painful sear from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. It took her breath away and she fell to her knees. Her daggers slipped from her fingers and a weakness she had never known made her whole body begin to shake. It felt like some piece of her insides had been ripped from her even though her body was perfectly intact. 

A metal hand grabbed the back of her head forcing her hood down and releasing her blonde waves from their tie. "A shame that she's a mage really. She's a nice one to look at," she heard the offending man tell his buddies. 

"Please, any woman would have to be deaf, dumb, and blind to want anything from the likes of you," she managed to get out between gasps for air. 

A moment later, a metal boot made contact with her face and sent her into the darkness of unconciousness again. 

**********

When sensation finally returned to Winslow, she felt cold and very sore. Her jaw was possibly broken if feeling was anything to go off of and when she opened her eyes her vision was blurry. She started to wipe her eyes to see if that would help when she realized her wrists were shackled in cold hard metal. 

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply to try and clear her vision and center herself. When she opened her eyes after a long moment, she was able to determine that she was in a cell. It was dimly lit by a few torches outside her cell and the other two cells that she could see appeared empty. She turned her attention back to her hands and she could see that her shackles were attached to a link in her cell wall. This was not looking good. 

"Hey, she's awake Jim," a familiar voice stated. She squinted and noticed the ginger haired templar sitting at a table near the exit playing a card game with another gentleman in a green hood. 

"I will go alert the Commander," the hooded man named Jim said as he stood and made his exit leaving her there with the offending templar. 

He got up from the table as well and made his way toward her cell with a bit of a swagger to his step. "Well there's that pretty face. I was wondering when I'd get to see it look at me with hate again," he mocked her. 

She wanted to throw some smartass comments back to him, but her hurt jaw would not allow her to do so. Luckily, she was able to hear the sound of footsteps approaching and the templar must have as well because he swiftly backed away from her cell. 

Her focus turned to the entrance that Jim had exited and three people who were entering it. The Commander was there along with a woman wrapped up in a purple cloak and the man Jim had returned with them as well. The Commander was much larger up close than she would've imagined, but if the stories about him were true then she supposed it made sense. 

"Unlock her door and leave us," the Commander instructed the templar. 

The man visibly hesitated and looked at the Commander with uncertainty. "Knight-Commander are you sure we shouldn't stay just in case? She's a wild one and... " he was saying when the Commander abruptly cut him off. 

"Are you questioning a direct order?" the Commander asked severely taking a step towards the templar. The templar looked as if he might piss himself and honestly Winslow couldn't blame him. The Commander was quite intimidating.

"No... no sir," the templar stuttered standing up straighter. 

"That's what I thought," the Commander continued and he jabbed the templar in his breastplate where the symbol of the order blazed fiercely. "Also, I am no longer Knight-Commander and we are no longer in the order. If you ever bring another mage to me in the condition she was you will sorely regret it," he continued threateningly. 

"Sir, she tried... " the templar attempted to explain. 

"I read the reports. She attempted to run so the smite was necessary, but the kick to her face that was left out of the report is uncalled for and malicious. It will not stand," his strong voice carried. 

The templar nodded once in acceptance, "Yes sir."

"Now when you leave send the mage Solas our way. As she is, we will be able to get no answers from her," he directed. 

The templar and Jim bowed and left, but not before unlocking her cell door quickly. The hooded woman giggled from the shadows she had retreated to and asked with a slightly musical Orlesian accent, "Was that necessary Commander?"

As the Commander turned his hard gaze to Winslow he responded, "Yes Leliana, it absolutely was."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that I said we wouldn't see Cullen for a couple more chapters... but I'm impatient.
> 
> I am aware that at times the characters will seem out of character a bit within this story. I would apologize, but this is my fantasy/fanfic so I won't. If it's not for you... then it's not for you. No hard feelings. 
> 
> In this story, Cullen was drastically changed by the events of The Circle Tower in Origins and the events of Kirkwall. He is trying to do better and be better. There will be times along this journey that he falters at that and we will see that struggle through Winslow's eyes. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. At Your Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> If you're still around it is appreciated.

The Commander seemed to be a mixture of aggitated and nervous if Winslow had to guess. He approached her and she involuntarily backed as far as she could into the wall behind her. His hands came up instantly in a sign of peace. 

"I will not hurt you without cause. I am sorry about the damage to your jaw. My men will answer for that I promise you," he stated firmly. 

She regarded his face and noticed that he was really quite handsome. He had a very Fereldan skin tone and his blonde hair was well taken care of. She could see in the dim light that he had dark shadows under his amber eyes. All in all, he wasn't hard for a girl to look at, but she knew better than any that looks could be deceiving. 

He bent down in front of her to get to her level and make eye contact, "Your name is Winslow right?"

She was still unable to open her mouth so she simply nodded at him. 

"That's a very Fereldan name isn't it?" he asked. She shrugged in response. She had been too young at her mother's capture to remeber where they came from. 

"This is getting us nowhere Commander. We need her able to speak and then I will make her explain herself," Leliana said as she moved closer to their position. 

Winslow's heart pounded fiercely in anger at her words and if looks could kill the glare she sent her would have done the job. "Oh, you really don't like me do you?" she taunted Winslow. 

The Commander turned to the woman with an air of annoyance, "Really Leliana? We are better than this. The girl is obviously no threat at the moment. That smite will keep her magic dormant the rest of the day. What we really need is Solas... "

"Ask and you shall receive Commander," the mentioned elf stated as he entered the dungeons. His eyes landed on Winslow and a brief flash of anger crossed his face before he regained himself. "And is this the treatment that mages should expect from us?" he asked neutrally.

The Commander sighed heavily and gave her an apologetic look before he rose to his feet to let the mage approach her. 

"It is for ones who are possibly dangerous and the same can be expected for those without magic," Leliana snapped at the elf. 

"Ahhhhhh yes, spymaster I almost forgot you were down here. The Herald has awoken and the Seeker needs you in the meeting room," he countered smoothly. 

"He has? Very well, can you manage Cullen?" she asked. 

The Commander scoffed at her, "Of course, go along and I will join you shortly. There's much to discuss."

When she was finally out of sight, Winslow exhaled in relief. Solas had replaced the Commander's position kneeling in front of her and his blue eyes were sympathetic as he tried to joke, "We must quit meeting like this da'len." His hands glowed a bright blue as he held them to her face and at first she felt some discomfort as her jaw slid back in place, but then she felt relief as the bruising and swelling was removed. She did note that she couldn't feel his magic like last time and she supposed it had something to do with the empty feeling inside of her and her disconnect from her own supposed magic. 

As Solas lowered his hands she asked him softly, "What is da... lin?"

He chuckled at her mutilation of the word, "It means 'child' or 'little one' in the language of my people."

She rolled her eyes, "I am not a 'girl' or a 'child.' I wish everyone would quit referring to me as one."

"How old are you?" the Commander asked from his spot behind the elf. 

She shrugged again at him, "As best I can guess twenty-two."

The Commander's eyebrows shot up and when he spoke again she noticed a very distractingly attractive scar on his upper lip. "You don't know your birth date?" he asked. 

"No I don't. Is that so uncommon where you come from Commander?" she asked with a fair share of snark. 

Solas chuckled again and went to take a stance a bit behind the Commander so that he could question her. "I am sorry. I was not trying to be rude," he responded as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

Solas decided to help the Commander out, "Why did you run?"

Winslow started laughing at his question and even to her it sounded like the laugh of someone who was loosing it. "This is not a laughing matter," the Commander said now looking at her with anger and confusion. 

"Oh but it is Commander! Or at least the question was. The proper question should be 'why wouldn't you run?'" she mocked at them, but then became very serious. "I have spent my entire life surviving Commander and what you are all doing is insanely dangerous. The Herald of Andraste for example. Are you trying to start a holy war? Because you certainly will. I don't even believe in the Maker, but I understand the power of faith even if I've never had any. Not to mention the fact that I am now a mage... I mean what do I do with that? I hate magic. It already destroyed my life once," she choked up at the last of her words and had to look away with shame. 

The Commander's mind seemed to hone in on one thing, "What do you mean by 'now a mage?'"

Solas decided to help her out as he had the Commander earlier, "It appears that when the Herald fell out of the breach the pulse it sent out activated a dormant connection to the fade within her."

"And why am I just now hearing of this?" the Commander demanded. 

"Because Commander, I did not want to see unneccessary harm come to her for something she could not control," Solas replied with a hint of anger to his tone. 

The Commander shook his head and ran his fingers across his brow, "What a mess."

"I can see that I have little choice but to remain here," Winslow reasoned outloud to herself. "Perhaps, I could earn my keep by helping you in some way? I have nowhere truly to go I suppose if I really am a mage, and maybe here I can find a purpose or at least a full belly," she directed at the men. 

Solas smiled at her kindly, "I cannot make that decision Winslow."

"I may regret this, but what kind of work did you do before you came here?" the Commander asked her cautiously. 

"Whatever job I could get. I am decent with both daggers and a bow. I can read, but my hand writing is poor. I am also decent at cleaning and cooking," she supplied and deliberately left out anything about picking locks or pockets and of course the type of work that brough her there in the first place. 

The Commander's face looked thoughful for a moment before he spoke, "I might know of a job and solution that will pacify the others as well. Let me do some negotiating first, and you will have to receive some basic magic training."

"Please... Commander... I want nothing to do with magic," she all but pleaded. 

His face softened for a moment, "As someone who has their reservations about magic I can sympathize, but as a former templar I also know the dangers of an untrained mage."

She bowed her head at his words, "I am at your mercy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are transitional to put Winslow where she needs to be. Also, as a heads up the next chapter is a tiny bit shorter, but essential to putting other bigger things into motion. 
> 
> To all my fellow Dragon Age fans, thank you for letting me be extremely nerdy and express/share it with you all!


	6. Quick Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As previously warned, this is a short chapter. 
> 
> Let the pieces fall...

They had eventually left her, but the Commander's promise rang in Winslow's ears and she hoped that he was a man of his word. Ex-templar or no, she needed the help and it would be foolish to deny that fact. He had been kind enough to make sure she was unshackled when they left, but she was still locked in the cell. Hours had passed at this point, but she had no way to tell how many. 

When she had paced her cell for probably the thousandth time, she finally heard footsteps approaching the dungeon. She forced her breathing to remain calm and leaned against the dirty wall as if she had all the time in the world. The Commander came into view after a moment with a tan dark haired woman beside him who was wearing a lot of gold clothing. 

"Oh is this her Commander?" the woman asked with a distinctly Antivan accent. 

"Yes Josephine, this is Winslow," he pointed in her direction. 

"Well, do let her out so that we can meet each other properly," the woman encouraged him. 

Winslow could have cried with relief when the lock finally clicked and he held the door open for her. Whatever she had to do to stay free she would gladly do. As she stepped out and approached the new woman she was reminded of how filthy she was. She immediately felt self-conscious and hoped they didn't think too poorly of her. After all, she had been forced to learn at an early age that looks can go a long way. 

The Antivan woman gave her a broad smile and Winslow noticed that she was quite beautiful. "I am Josephine Montilyet Ambassador of the Inquisiton," she said kindly as she held a hand out to her. 

Winslow took the offered hand and clasped it lightly. "I am Winslow and I'm sorry but... Inquisition?" she asked puzzled. 

The Commander and Ambassador exchanged a quick glance. "It is what we are calling our organization Winslow. I can explain it more in depth to you later," Josephine said. 

Winslow sincerely hoped she didn't look as confused as she felt as she nodded at her words like she understood what that meant. The Commander stepped toward her and met her gaze, "I have brought the Ambassador to you Winslow because I believe that you can be of benefit to one another. Josephine will be doing very important work for the Inquisition and having some clerical help would greatly benefit her. Also, it might be good for her to have the added protection as well."

Winslow turned her attention to the woman in question, "I thank you for the opportunity Lady Montilyet, but I am hardly a diplomatic person."

Josephine laughed lightly and her white teeth contrasted beautifully with her skin tone. "So the Commander warned me, but he also told me of your other traits. You can read and we can work on your writing. You have some skill as a rogue and I spent quite some time as a bard myself. You are a mage which in itself will make others cautious in our meetings, but the Herald of Andraste is a mage himself so what can they really say? Also, the Commander was right. You are very beautiful. With the right wardrobe, you will be a lovely assistant that the nobles will fawn over and hardly notice is memorizing every needed detail," she explained as if it were not a thing to be concerned about at all. 

Winslow's mouth was slightly open at this point in shock, and when she glanced at the Commander she noticed that his cheeks were slightly red. "You do know that I am a very untrained mage right? As in, I've yet to even light a candle much less anything else," she stated adamantly. 

The Ambassador shrugged, "None but the advisors and inner circle need know that. All that matters is that they think you are a powerful mage."

Winslow's brain was trying desperately to process how everything had changed so quickly. 

"In the mornings and afternoons I would like you to train both with your magic and your blades. Maker forbid that someone actually threatened or attacked either of you, but better safe than sorry," the Commander added. 

She turned her attention back to Josephine, "If you will have me then I will assist."

The woman clapped her hands excitedly as if she was a child, "Wonderful! This will greatly benefit us both you shall see." Her gaze wandered up and down Winslow's form and her face fell, "But first, my friend, we need to get you presentable."

**********

The Commander had quickly excused himself after he realized that the women were good. Winslow vaguely wondered why he left so fast, but she chalked it up to him probably being a very busy man. Josephine led her down and out the Chantry toward the gates of Haven. Once close though she turned right and escorted her to a small cabin. 

"This is ours. For now, you will be staying with me, and of course if you find your own accommodation later you may do as you please," the Ambassador said as she held the door open for her. 

The cabin was small with two beds on either side of the room, but Winslow had never had a bed all the herself. There were a couple of bedside tables and a fire going in the fireplace. It was clean, organized, and perfect. 

"It is very basic so I apologize, but we will make do," Josephine stated and then stopped when she saw the look of gratitude on Winslow's face. 

"Thank you Ambassador. It is perfect," she said honestly. Her eyes watered a bit and she blinked furiously to combat the building tears. 

"Please, if we are to work together call me Josie," the Ambassador said with kindness. "Now would you like a bath drawn for you?" she asked. 

Winslow almost groaned with thanks at the thought, "I would not complain about it."

"Of course not," Josie said all business-like, "I will have a bath brought in and some new more appropriate clothes for you as well."

With that the woman left in a flurry of ruffels and gold. For the first time in a very long time, Winslow didn't feel like running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	7. A Nobody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things pick up a bit!

Winslow's first week with Josie consisted of learning the ropes and being presentable at all times. Her new wardrobe included smart and sensible outfits that were nicer than any clothes she'd ever had. The tunics all had long sleeves with no holes and they came to rest snugly on her hips. They were all in shades that the Ambassador swore complimented her fair skin tone. All of her trousers, and boy was she glad there were no skirts, were form fitting and made of a warm dark brown or black wool. She also now had two decent pairs of dark leather knee high boots and one deliciously comfortable cloak with fennec fur lining the hood. 

As far as learning the ropes went, she had spent three days straight bent over parchment improving her writing until Josie said it would suffice. Her script would never be as flowing and elegant as the other woman's, but she had to admit to herself that it was much improved. She was also mastering the art of learning the names of the nobles within the vicinity. She didn't think she'd be good with nobles, but for Josie she would try. 

Neither Solas or the Commander had approached her about training and she was relieved to say the least. She kept her lock picks and two daggers hidden away at all times, and as for her magic she just generally pretended that it didn't exist. A rational and small part of her knew that was probably dangerous, but it was the way she got through her day. 

About a week and a half after her release from the cell, she was in the Ambassador's office alphabetizing recent requisition orders when Josie came in looking very flustered. 

Winslow looked up from her work with concern, "Are you alright Josie?"

The woman exhaled quickly and looked at her with concern of her own, "We must start putting things in motion Winnie. All the advisors will be meeting within the next half hour to discuss plans and orders. You should come with me. I would like you to take notes."

Winslow wiped her suddenly sweaty palms against her pants, "Do you think that's wise? Not all the advisors are so fond of me."

"Perhaps they are not, but the only way to change that is to show your work ethic and prove your worth," Josie advised her. 

"You're right," Winslow said with a sigh. "I'm just hoping that I can keep it civil with our spymaster. Last time, we had a very one-sided conversation that made me want to gauge her lovely eyes out," she admitted. 

Josie started to giggle and her eyes lit up, "Oh, I think you'll find that you two are actually quite alike."

Winslow snorted as she grabbed the clipboard and utensils she would need to take notes, "If you say so Josie."

**********

Josie and Winslow were the first to arrive at the meeting which gave her a moment to look over the war table map with interest. It was very detailed. Someone had obviously taken a lot of time to put it together for them. The Commander showed up after she had been studying the map for a minute or two. 

"Ambassador and Miss Winslow it is good to see you both," he said professionally as he came around the war table to stand beside her. With him standing thus, she could definitely tell that he was considerably taller than herself. She felt him glance at her out of the corner of his eye.

"And how are you Commander?" she asked in the tone and infliction that Josie and she had been practicing for such meetings. 

She noticed that his cheeks turned pink a bit at having been caught sneaking a glance at her and it amused her. "I am doing as best I can given our circumstances," he admitted. 

"I think we are all doing that," Josie said softly from Winslow's other side. 

Before anyone could say anything else, the door opened and three more figures enteres the room. The spymaster, the Seeker, and lastly the Herald looking slightly uncomfortable. Winslow was surprised that she pittied him. She had never really been into elven men, but she could admit that he was attractive. His wide eyes were an inticing shade of sky blue and his tattoos curved around his jaw and through his full lips in an alluring manner. He was maybe an inch or two taller than herself and his pointed ears weren't nearly as long as many eleves that she'd met. 

"Herald let me introduce you to your advisors," the Seeker said in a much kinder voice than she had originally used with Winslow. "This is our Ambassador Lady Josephine Montilyet," the Seeker continued. 

"Andaran atish'an Herald," Josie said brightly and the elven man's face lit up with joy. 

"You speak elven?" he asked in awe. 

"You've just heard the extent of it I'm afraid. Please also allow me to introduce my new assistant Miss Winslow," Josie said placing her hand on Winslow's shoulder. 

"Greetings Herald it is nice to finally meet you. Last time, I don't think either of us were in a position to speak," Winslow said. 

She heard a grunt come from the spymaster's place on the other side of the Commander. She focused on breathing and not letting her face show her irritation. 

"You are the woman that Solas told me about. I am sorry that things have changed for you as well," he replied as he regarded her. "You are quite beautiful for a human," he continued after a moment and then choked as he caught his slip. 

"No disrespect meant," he rushed to mend the situation. His face was blood red against his dark markings and Winslow could see that the tips of his ears were red as well. 

Winslow let out a light laugh and smiled at him, "None taken Herald. I will take that as a compliment."

The Commander cleared his throat loudly from his position beside her and the Seeker moved on with introductions, "You've already met the Commander of our forces, Cullen."

"It was only for a moment on the battlefield, but I am glad you survived," the Commander said. 

"I am Leliana and my position here requires..." Leliana stated not waiting for the Seeker's direction. 

"She is our spymaster," the Seeker cut in bluntly. 

"Yes, tactfully put Cassandra," Leliana said with an irritated sigh. 

Winslow raised her clipboard up a little higher to hide the smile that could potentially turn to laughter if she let it. The Herald seemed to catch her though and the corners of his blue eyes crinkled in amusement as he smiled at her. 

"My name is Levias of Clan Levellan and it is a pleasure to meet you all," the Herald said warmly and with more confidence than he'd bad when he first entered the room. His marked hand flared bright green for a moment and Winslow saw him wince. 

"There are some matters we need to attend to..." the Seeker started when Leliana cut her off. 

"We will be discussing nothing with a possible threat in the room," the spymaster said heatedly. 

A heavy silence settled on the room and Winslow felt as if her entire body might snap in two from the tension. "I can only assume that you are speaking of me?" Winslow asked. 

"I see no one else here that I can find nothing on," Leliana stated. 

Josie looked as if she would speak in Winslow's defense, but she was startled when the Commander beat her to it. "Leliana, we have discussed this," he said firmly. 

"Apparently not enough Cullen! She could very well be a spy! I have found no trace of her so far and my people are especially gifted in collecting information," she said staring him down. 

"It is fine Commander," Winslow said suddenly causing him to close his mouth which he had just opened to speak again. "Spymaster, your people find nothing because I am nobody. Everything I have learned or done since my mother was captured had been because I fought for it. I never stayed in one placd because it was never safe enough for me to do so. I can understand your caution and if I am unwanted then so be it," she directed at her. 

She gave Josie her clipboard with a small smile, "I will go back to organizing requisitions."

"Winnie please wait," Josie started to plead, but before her anger destroyed what she had built so far Winslow turned and fled the room quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leliana is one of those characters that you love and hate in equal measure sometimes. At least, that's how I feel. 
> 
> She's been through so much and sometimes she's the only voice of quick and violent reason. Her time with the Divine honed that I think. 
> 
> She's going to develop more in this story. Don't you worry about that.


	8. Head's Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

After she left the room, Winslow quickly made her way back to the ambassadorial office. Guilt was heavy in her heart with the weight of the spymaster's words. After all, she was, or had been, essentially what Leliana feared. She was not a woman of faith, but she still mentally said a little prayer that whoever the party had been in Tevinter would just assume that she was killed in the explosion like so many others. 

She had just begun to focus on the requisition filing again when movement out of the corner of her eye startled her. She swiftly pulled a dagger from her boot and spun to find a short haired elven woman in the room with her who was dressed in the robes of a circle mage. The woman had her hands up in a sign of surrender and looked just as startled as Winslow felt. She must have been so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice her when she had first entered. 

"Who are you?" Winslow asked without lowering her weapon. 

"My name is Minaeve my lady. I have been called upon to be in charge of researching all the dangerous creatures the Inquisition comes across," she said earnestly as she pointed to a table behind her that Winslow had never noticed before. It was covered in scattered papers and vials holding unknown liquids. 

"I was told to setup in the Ambassador's office. Am I not in the right place?" Minaeve asked with concern. 

"No this is it," Winslow said as she finally lowered her dagger, "but a head's up would've been nice."

Minaeve lowered her hands with a small smile on her face, "Well anything has to be better than the circle."

Winslow gulped and slid her dagger back into her boot, "I suppose it must be. My name is Winslow and I am the Ambassador's assistant."

"Nice to meet you Winslow," Minaeve said as she started attending to the items on her table. 

Winslow took that as her que to return to business and she went back to filing and pretended she was the only person in the room. That was actually a little difficult to do as Minaeve was humming merrily and tiny explosions kept occuring at her table that sent puffs of different colored smoke up into the air. This was going to be a very interesting working relationship. 

She had just finished her files, when the door flew open and Josie came in looking flustered. "Winnie, I am so sorry about that," she said in a rush. It had taken Josie only a day to come up with that nickname for her, and she found that when it came from Josie she couldn't bring herself to be annoyed by it. Maybe because the insufferable woman had been so kind to her. 

"It's fine Josie. I am not made of glass and I have certainly had worse thrown at me," Winslow assured her. 

"Still it has been addressed and will not be an issue moving forward," she said firmly as she placed her notes from the meeting on her desk. 

"You didn't have to do that," Winslow said. 

The Ambassador smiled slyly as she replied, "Actually, I didn't have to do much. The Commander and Herald were staunchly defending you. I believe you may have a couple of admirers."

The blonde rolled her eyes, "I seriously doubt that Josie, but I am grateful nonetheless."

Josie tilted her head to the side as she regarded her assistant for a moment. "At any rate, the Herald will be leaving with a small traveling party tomorrow to head to the Hinterlands to gather some needed support and information. You will begin your training as well while they are gone," she said. 

Winslow's head snapped up from reading Josie's notes, "Tomorrow?"

Her dark braided head nodded in confirmation as she replied, "Yes. In the morning you will have physical training under the supervision of the Commander and in the afternoom you will train with Minaeve on your magic."

The elven woman perked up at the mention of her name, "Ahhhhh, so you are my charge that the Commander discussed with me?"

"Yeah about that... some warning would've been nice Josie. I almost attacked my new teacher," Winslow said sarcastically. 

Josie giggled, "Oooops, I suppose that would've been helpful wouldn't it?"

**********

Sleep evaded Winslow's grasp as best it could that night. She tossed and turned fitfully in her new bed thinking about her training the next day. She had just managed a slight slumber when Josie was suddenly shaling her shoulders to wake her. 

"Winnie you must get up. You do not want to see the Commander's wrath if you are late," she said hurriedly. 

Winslow glanced at the cracks in the closed shutters on their cabin, "But Josie it's still dark outside."

"I dare you to say that to him when he asks you why you are late," she teased. 

So when she got up and dressed Winslow was in an extremely grouchy mood. She chose a simple white tunic and black trousers accompanied by her new black boots. She braided her long blonde hair and tied it atop her head with a piece of white ribbon thag Josie insisted would match. Winslow insisted back that matching mattered little, but Josie had clucked like a mother hen. 

"You never know who could be watching and as long as you work with me that matters," she had stated she she pushed Winslow out the door and on her way. 

As the door clicked shut behind her, a man exiting the cabin across from theirs caught her attention. It was Levias and he had a travel sack attached to his back as well as his staff. His eyes landed on her and he waved at her before walking over. 

"Good morning Winslow," he said brightly. 

"Ugh," Winslow replied grumpily, "how can you people even consider this morning? The sun isn't even up yet."

"Don't you know that the early raven catches the juciest worm?" he joked at her. Then his face turned serious, "I am sorry about yesterday by the way."

She sighed, "Don't be. It was nothing that you did."

"Still... I know what it's like to have people judge you and not trust you for things that ypu cannot control," he said sincerely. 

Her eyes took in his tattoos and pointed ears and she smiled a true smile at the sudden unfamiliar feeling of comradery she felt with him. "I suppose you do," she said. 

His eyes looked her up and down, "You must be headed for your party with the Commander?"

She returned the favor by letting her eyes roam his body in return, "And you must be heading out to be our hero?"

He laughed at her boldness and she decided that she enjoyed the sound very much. "Can I walk with you?" he asked. 

"Only if you can endure the supposed wrath of the Commander," she teased, "I believe I'm running late."

"Well that makes two of us," he admitted. 

They walked in a companionable silence down and out of the gates of Haven. The Seeker, Solas, and a dwarven man were waiting for Levias with mounts not too far past the gates. "And that's my party," he said jovially. His warm blue eyes searched her face for a moment, "Take care while I'm gone Winslow. I hope that you and I can get to know each other better when I return."

Winslow felt like he was trying to ask her something without actually saying it, but she had no idea what it was. So she side-stepped it, "Don't worry about me. I am fine here with plenty to do. You be safe as we all depend on it."

His face fell a bit at her words and she felt instinctively that she'd said something wrong, but Levias nodded at her and turned to join his companions. She waved at Solas who gave her a small smile and nod in returb. She nearly jumped out of her skin when a familiar voice spoke up from behind her. 

"Miss Winslow, you are late," the Commander's voice thundered making her cringe and drop the hand she had been waving. As the others left, she could hear Levias' laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmm. We'll see what happens.


	9. Training Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

Winslow turned and faced the Commander with what she hoped was a charming smile. Her heart stuttered for a moment when her eyes landed on him. His face looked like a thunder cloud, but he was not wearing his usal armor. He had on a basic white tunic much like her own and it made him appear much younger. He still had a lingering mark of dark shadows underneath his eyes and she wondered vaguely what could keep such a stoic man up at night. 

"I have many things to attend to throughout my day Miss Winslow and I expect you to be on time in the future," he said firmly. 

"Of course, I am sorry Commander. The Herald distracted me this morning, but I will endeavor to adopt a strict schedule to get us both onto more important things," she said. 

His brow crinkled momentarily at her words, "Winslow, this is important. That's why it is just as important that we make time in our days for it. I don't want you to think that I'm saying it's not."

She nodded at his words. He obviously felt obligated for some reason to help her, and she just needed to take it in stride. 

"Follow me," he said. He led her down among the tents of stirring soldiers and down towards a small clearing at the edge of the lake. A female soldier was waiting there who sprung to attention at seeing them. 

"At ease Beatrix," the Commander said as they drew up beside her. "Winslow, this is another newer recruit named Beatrix. You two are of a similar size and I hope level of proficiency. For now, she will be assisting with your training and vice versa," he explained. 

Beatrix did appear to be about her size. Maybe she was an inch taller and slightly more muscular, but it was close enough she had to admit to herself. She had more of the musculature of a warrior than a rogue as compared to Winslow. Her hair was a light brown shade and cropped close to her head in a man's hair style, but she supposed that made sense from a tactical standpoint for one of the Commander's soliders. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you My Lady," Beatrix said. 

Winslow smiled at the other woman, "Please, just call me Winslow. I am far from a lady."

"Alright," the Commander said brining their attention back to the task at hand. "I know where you are at Beatrix and I am expecting you to be close behind Winslow, but I need to see for myself. I would like you both to square off for hand-to-hand. No weapons involved. I simply want you to try and take each other down," he instructed. 

"That's it?" Winslow asked doubtfully, "No rules?"

The Commander cocked a blonde brow at her, "Are there rules to a real fight in most circumstances? The only one here is no weapons."

The women regarded each other carefully as they backed away from one another. Beatrix dropped into an attacking stance and Winslow just stood there feeling silly. Any fight she'd ever been in, win or loose, was not 'set up,' but simply fought. This would be a new experience for her. She was just trying to decide the best approach when Beatrix rushed her. 

The woman was indeed more muscular than Winslow. She was able to swiftly dodge the soldier's left hook, but the right made contact with her stomach forcing her to loose her breathe for a moment. With her so close, Winslow grabbed her forearm and swept her right leg through the other womans in an attempt to drop her, but instead Beatrix used Winslow's grip on her to flip her in the air and pin her down successfully. The fight didn't last nearly as long as she'd wanted and her cheeks colored in embarrassment. 

"Well that was a bit disappointing," the Commander stated as Beatrix helped her to her feet. 

"Yeah well, I'm not used to simply being directed to attack someone. Every scrap I've been in has been out of necessity to say the least and not premeditated on my end," she replied sarcastically. 

His scarred lip twitched at her words as if he fought a sudden smile, "Many battles and wars are won with precise strategies and trained attacks. We will teach you some of both."

And so for three grueling hours he made them continuously attack each other. He offered words of advice and critique and Beatrix put Winslow on her ass more times than she could count. That being said, she was a fast learner and when she had won three rounds back-to-back he declared them done for the day. 

She was covered in sweat and bruised from her head to her toes. Strands of her blonde hair had fallen loose and curled with sweat on her brow and the sides of her face. The sun was finally risen and she was sure that in the light of day she looked horrible. 

"Good job today. Tomorrow we will focus more on stamina and building a stronger base for endurance," he explained. "You're dismissed Beatrix. After midday meal, I expect to see you with the others for drill," he directed.

The woman snapped to attention as she saluted the Commander, "Yes sir!" She directed a small nod at Winslow in farewell as she left. 

"May I walk you to the Chantry Miss Winslow?" he asked after Beatrix had gone some distance from them. 

"Sure Commander as long as you don't mind the new smell I'm sporting. Josie is going to complain about it all day mind you, and please call me Winslow. I am not used to such formal addresses all the time," she said as they made their way up the gates to Haven. 

"Fair enough," he said after a moment of walking, "and when we are not training or in formal meetings feel free to call me Cullen."

They had finally reached the Chantry doors and Winslow turned to face him. "Okay, I will try to remember that Cullen," she said with a smile. 

He seemed to stiffen for a second and she considered the fact that maybe it was a bad idea when he said, "I will see you in the morning Winslow."

Then he turned and left her staring stupidly after him. Something had just happened between the two of them, but she had no idea what. As she turned to enter the Chantry, she spied two young women whispering to themselves and giggling. One of them pointed towards Cullen's retreating back as she leaned against the Chantry wall. The woman made eye contact with Winslow and then her face darkened as she said something else to the other woman. When she entered the building, she could feel two hateful glares on her back. 

**********

As it turned out, Winslow did see Cullen a couple more times that day, but he was always surrounded by others and moved quickly. He was also back in full armor and furs. She thought that the contrast between how he looked that morning was pretty significant. She had been too busy herself to speak with him though. She ran here and there delivering messages and handling small affairs for Josie. In fact, she was pretty positive that Adan now hated her. 

Before she knew it, the afternoon had arrived and she was sitting on the floor of their office across from Minaeve with an unlit candle between them. 

"Just light the candle," the elven mage said cheerfully. 

"Ummmmm... okay. How do I do that?" she asked in confusion. 

"With your magic of course," Minaeve said as if it was the most common thing in all of Thedas. 

"Well obviously!" Winslow snapped. "I've never actually used my magic though. What does it feel like?" she asked. 

The other mage considered her question for a minute. "The Commander told me that you were smited yes?" she finally asked. 

"I was," Winslow said as she shifted in discomfort at the memory. 

"And do you recall the emptiness you felt after it happened?" she continued questioning. 

"There was terrible pain at first, but yes. I felt as if there was a hole inside of me," she confessed. 

Minaeve nodded encouragingly, "And do you feel it now?"

Winslow scoffed, "Of course not, and I hope to never feel that way again."

"So what do you feel inside you that is completing you in such a way at this moment?" the questions continued much to Winslow's irritation. 

She opened her mouth to make a smartass comment, but Minaeve simply raised a brow at her and she closed her mouth. 'What can it hurt?' she asked herself as she closed her eyes and sought her connection to the fade. 

Two hours later and she had sweat on her brow from concentration and a headache to boot. If she was honest with herself, part of her was relieved that she was a horrible mage, but the more competitive side of her was pissed and winning. 

"It will be fine miss. We have time," Minaeve said soothingly, but in a dissary of mixed feelings Winslow got up and fled the room. 'To the void with magic' she thought angrily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	10. Fear of Thyself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

Things progressed into a pattern for Winslow. The mornings were spent up before dawn with the Commander and occasionally Beatrix. Every other day was focused on physical training. He would make her run laps, do push ups, and lift heavy items. Then on the days in between, Beatrix would join them and they worked on hand-to-hand and other closer quarter combat techniques. Winslow had thought it all ridiculous at first, but three weeks later she could see and feel the changes happening to her body. 

If she had to guess, she'd say fifteen pounds had roughly been dropped for her body and her reflexes were much improved. She also found herself able to breathe somewhat normally at the end of physical training sessions with Cullen which was a blessing in itself. In the first week, she'd felt like death everytime they had ended and she would have to double over and fight to catch her breathe. 

Cullen had proven to be a patient, but firm instructor. He had quickly had her adjusted to getting up earlier than usual by making her do more strenuous training on the second and third days she'd been late. Beatrix was a bit harder to read. She was always polite and kept it cordial during training, but she was definitely distant. Winslow didn't know her reasoning, but she could understand it. 

Her lessons with Minaeve were not going as well. She still had yet to light the candle and their lessons consisted of Winslow staring at a candle for two hours straight while the other mage continued her usual work. Minaeve was convinced that she could not access her magic because she didn't want to. That she was blocking herself because she was afraid and Winslow had grudingly admitted that she was probably right. 

On the second day of the third week, Winslow and Cullen were running along the path down to the lake. The sun wasn't up yet as usual and they were both dressed casually for comfort. When they reached the lake to turn around and head back she noticed that he had stopped and placed a hand to his forehead. 

Since it was just the two of them Winslow spoke casually, "Are you alright Cullen?"

"Yes... I am sorry. I had trouble sleeping last night and it seems it will be catching up with me today," he replied as he moved his hand away from his face and she noticed that the shadows beneath his eyes seemed much darker than normal. 

"I'm sure if you need some time Josie and Rylen can handle things," she offered. 

"No, no. I will endure. How is your training in the evenings going?" he asked as he started leading the way back. 

She followed his lead as usual, "Terrible. It seems I am likely the worst mage in the history of mages."

"Trust me when I tell you that I have met much worse," he said somberly. 

"I doubt that. I have spent three weeks trying to light a single candle with no success," she said bitterly. She shook her head as she continued, "And the truth is I'm not even sure I want to."

"Are you afraid?" he asked bluntly. 

She bristled at the question and he sensed it and stopped walking to turn and face her, "It is okay if you are."

"What if I start using magic Cullen and I can't go back? What if it changes me completely? What would happen if a demon tried to posses me?" she asked question after question in a sudden rush to get it all off her chest. 

He looked at her for a moment and searched her anxious face before he seemed to decided on something, "You can never go back Winslow and you have been changed completely and forever."

Anger overloaded her senses at his words, "Well thanks for that Commander. The reassurance is much needed you know. I mine as well already be a damned abomination!" she raged at him and turned on her heel to run away from him when she suddenly felt his hand grab her arm and pull her back to him. He turned her so that he could look her in the eyes. 

"I said nothing of the sort," he said in what she found to be an overly calm voice. 

"Are you implying that I am now stupid as well Commander?" she hissed back at him and fought the urge to slap his handsome face. Now, that would be stupid. 

"I simply acknowledged what we both know to be true Miss Winslow," he said while throwing her sudden formality back at her. "You can't go back. No one ever can and trust me there have been times in my own life when I certainly wanted to, but such is not the way of the world. Magic or no, the Maker will not give you more than you can handle," he said. 

"I don't believe in the Maker," she said. 

"Then believe in me and certainly believe in yourself," he replied a little tiredly. For some reason, with his words the tension and anger lefg her. 

"I am afraid," she finally voiced outloud. 

She was standing so close to him that she could see his pulse throbbing in his neck and she noticed that he smelt like a combination of a man who had just been sweating, elfroot, and embrium. It was a pleasant mixture and offered her a momentary distraction. 

"You are not and will not be the lat person to be terrified by what they are capable of," he reassured her. 

As she held his gaze, she realized the truth of his words and allowed them to sink in. "What do I do Cullen?" she asked. 

"Be yourself, as you always have, in the face of advertisement," he advised softly. 

They were standing there simply staring at each other when a yell from the gates reached them, "The Herald approaches!"

Cullen's scarred lip twitched with slightly amusement, "So much for a day off."

**********

When they neared the stables, they could see Levias and the others dismounting. As Levias handed his riens to the stable lad his eyes landed on Winslow as she approached. A smile broke out on his face as he greeted them, "Winslow and the Commander, it is good to see you both again! Although, no offense Commander, Winslow is a damn bit better on sore eyes."

"None taken Herald," Cullen replied, but Winslow saw his jaw tighten a bit and she wondered if he actually was a bit insulted. 

At any rate, Winslow returned his smile, "I've been helping the Ambassador faithfully and Mother Giselle arrived last week."

Levias nodded, "Yes, we took a little longer closing rifts and working on trying to get our soldiers mounts..." he was saying when Cullen cut him off. 

"This is a discussion best left to behind closed doors all advisors present," he directed. 

"Of course Commander," Levias agreed, "I appologize."

"None needed Herald. Winslow, you should head to the Ambassador's office. I know we'll be meeting soon to discuss everything and I'm sure she'll require your help," Cullen said with his Commander mantle sliding back on. She was surprised that it saddened her a bit. 

"Very well, I'll see you both soon," she said as she took her leave. She had barely made it to the gates when she was suddenly aware of someone walking up behind her. 

"Winslow," a familiar voice called to her and she turned to see Solas approaching her. 

"Solas," she greeted, "it's good to see you."

"You as well," he said politely. "May I talk with you a moment?" he asked. 

"Sure is everything alright?" she asked. 

"Yes of course. I was simply wondering how your magic is coming along," he said. 

Her face fell a bit as she replied, "Poorly I'm afraid. I can't even light a candle it seems, but Cull... I mean the Commander has given me some helpful advice that I may try." 

His eyebrows raised skeptically, "The Commander gave you magical advice?"

She giggled at the look on his usually serious face, "No Solas, it was more like life advice about being an adult or becoming one anyways. I think he's right and it might apply to my situation."

"Interesting," he responded, "you must let me know if it works and if you need any help do not hesitate to ask. The Herald was quite worried about your situation when we left."

"Thanks Solas and I'll keep that in mind," she said. 

As they parted ways, his words about Levias' concern brought a small smile to her face. She had found a true friend in Josie, but she wouldn't discourage having another. This was such a change from having nothing and trusting no one just two months prior that she was astonished with herself. It was true that she still had moments of fear and disstrust, but all-in-all she had hope which was a new and frightingly amazing concept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I'm a couple of chapters a head of you guys and I can't wait for the next couple of updates. 
> 
> I'm planning to have another chapter up by Christmas for your viewing pleasure. ;-)


	11. A Pissy Aftertaste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I missed my self-inflected by Christmas deadline! My life got crazy with family and traveling, but for those who celebrate the holidays I hope yours was wonderful!
> 
> Now here is some Levias/Winslow cuteness to make up for it.

After a quick tidying up, as demanded by Josie, and gathering of parchment and ink they joined the meeting. It was very interesting to listen to the stories that Levias and the Seeker had to tell. It was also obvious that Levias was becoming more comfortable with his position and it gave Winslow a hint of admiration for him. He was seemingly adjusting better to his new life than she was to hers. 

Winslow focused intently as she quickly short handed notes the way that Josie had been teaching her. When Levias stated that Mother Giselle wanted him to travel to Orlais to address the clerks she nearly choked on her own saliva. 

"You can't be serious?" she interrupted without thinking. 

"Winslow!" Josie hissed as her while putting more emphasis on it by using her actual name. 

Leliana snorted incredulously from her corner of the table, but Winslow ignored her and kept her attention on the Herald, "Levias, that is possibly suicidal."

"I agree," Cullen said from her side surprising her. 

"We need the support though and they may not all think the same. This could persuade those with doubts to join our side," Josie countered them both. 

"I will be with him," the Seeker said. 

Levias' eyes were locked with Winslow's when he responded to them all, "I will go."

She angrily looked down at her notes and continued by writing down his foolish words. 

"Commander, I have also marked some places on the map that need watchtowers as part of the bargain with Dennett and his family," Levias continued and so the meeting commenced. 

It was agreed on by the advisors that the Herald and the Seeker would leave with the same party in two weeks time. That would give Josie and her time to send the right correspondences and for Leliana's people to get into place. By the time the meeting was over, Winslow's writing hand was cramping and while her anger had lessened she still disagreed and felt apprehensive about their plan. 

As they all dispersed, Cullen gave her a quick farewell with a reminder not to be late in the morning and she headed back to the office with Josie. She had barely set her notes down when the door opened and Levias entered looking around with wide blue eyes. 

Minaeve gasped and quickly stood up from her research with a hurried, "Your Worship!"

"Oh, hello," he said as he looked at Minaeve, "I'm sorry, you are?"

"Minaeve, Herald, and I am responsible for the creature research that you need from the samples brought back from your travels. Thank you for the lovely specimens you brought back from the rifts by the way," she said as she pointed to the table she worked at. 

"Errrrrr... your welcome," he said and Winslow had to bite her tongue to stop her laughter. 

"I was going to see if you wanted to eat dinner with me at the tavern Winslow?" Levias asked her as he bounced up onto the balls of his feet and clasped his hands behind his back. 

She felt the other to women's faces snap to hers as they waited for her answer, "I actually have training with Minaeve here in just... "

"Oh, a night off won't hurt anything," Minaeve said innocently. 

She glanced at Josie who scooped up their notes with a smile, "We can continue these tomorrow."

"It appears I am free then," she said and Levias gave her the biggest smile she'd seen on him yet. 

"Excellent! Let's go," he exclaimed. 

**********

Winslow had yet to enter The Singing Maiden since living in Haven. She usually ate her meals in the cabin with Josie or the office. She enjoyed having companionship now, but large crowds still made her nervous. So many hands and possible cruel intentions. When Levias opened the tavern door for her and the loud sounds from inside hit her she cringed. 

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern. He held the door open with one hand and he his other he had placed on her shoulder. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied as she stepped past him and into the tavern. 

There were a lot of off duty soldiers inside as well as various other members of the Inquisition. It was busy, but not too crowded and that put her at ease a bit. She noticed the dwarf that had traveled with Levias was sitting at a table and when he spotted them he waved them, or rather Levias, over. 

"What are you up to stumpy legs?" Levias joked as he pulled out a chair for her. She was unused to such displays and she was sure it showed in her hesitstion before she sat. She had seen men pull chairs out for women before, but no man had even done that for her before. Most men she had met made what they wanted clear and then left. Courtesy was not high on their list of indulgences.

"The usual sharp-ears and who's your lovely lady friend?" the dwarf joked back. 

"Winslow this is Varric Tethras and Varric this is Winslow," Levias said as an introduction for the two. 

"So you're the beautiful blonde that's had sharp-ears all a buzz," Varric said as he eyed her. 

To her surprise, a blush spread over ber cheeks. This was the second person to say something like that and when she glanced at Levias the tips of his ears matched her cheeks. Surely, he was wasn't developing such feelings for her? He was the Herald of Andraste and she was an apostate street rat. That simply couldn't be. 

"Really Varric," Levias sighed. 

Then another thought hit her at hearing the dwarf's name again, "Wait... as in Swords and Shields Varric?"

"Not my best work, but that's me," Varric said as he spread his hands wide as if showing himself off. 

"Are you kidding me!" she squealed, "That's great work!"

The dwarf chuckled, "Prefer romances do you?"

"Well the novel about the Champion was good too," she deflected as she responded. 

"I've never read either of them," Levias admitted. 

About that time, the barmaid Flissa arrived and took their orders. Winslow was feeling daring and ordered herself a pint and a light sandwhich. She was aware that the soldiers and others in the tavern kept glancing at their table. No doubt, they were curious about the company their Herald preferred. 

"So, you're upset about my decision to go?" he asked her. 

"I just think it's dangerous for you. I can understand the diplomatic logistics, but personally it's crazy. These people are zealots," she admitted her honest thoughts. 

His face seemed to hold a thousand different emotions at her words but all he said was, "We will be careful."

She sighed heavily and looked down at her locked fingers in her lap and mumbled, "You will have to be."

"Where are you from?" he asked her as a way or redirecting the conversation. "I mean I know that you don't remeber much and you don't have to answer that," he corrected himself as he suddenly seemed to recall the last time the subject was broached. 

"It's fine," she said, "here and there in Fereldan. I've spent most of my time in between Denerim and South Reach, but there was always more work in the city. What about your clan?"

"The Free Marches mostly. We Dalish are nomadic by nature so we go wherever the halla who pull our aravels take us," he replied. 

Their drinks and food arrived at that time and silence descended momentarily as they dug in. Varric was also writing on his side of the table and she wondered how he could concentrate in the tavern. She caught Levias watching her eat and she smiled at him as she took a drink from her cup. It wasn't too bad. There was no lingering piss aftertaste at least. 

"What do your tattoos mean?" she asked. 

Levias' dark eyebrows shot up at her question, "Why do they bother you?"

She tilted her head to the side and regarded his handsome face. Her eyes were especially drawn, as they were before, to the portion of his tattoo that went through his lip, down his neck, and disappeared into his collar. She raised her eyes back to his, "They don't. I'm just curious really. I didn't mean to offend you."

A look of relief flashed over his face and she could only guess how other humans had acted about his tattoos before. "The markings are vallaslin or blood writing. They are meant to honor the different gods and goddesses of the Dalish. We aquire them when we come of age and must remain completely silent during the ritual in order to pass into adulthood," he explained. 

Varric was silent in his seat, but Winslow could see his quill moving furiously. "That's extraordinary. Who do yours honor?" she continued. 

"They represent June the Craftsmaster," he said passionately, "I've always been good with my hands and enjoyed making everything from staves to baskets so I figured it would be fitting."

She took another deep swing from her cup, "You'll have to show me some of your work sometime."

"Alright, that's it. I'm out kids. You two have fun," Varric said as he made a great show of collecting his items and throwing a tip on the table. 

A feeling of unease and worry sunk into her at the sight. "I don't have any coin on me," she said outloud. 

"Don't worry about that," Levias soothed. 

"I'll pay you back," she promised. 

"You can do that by just spending time with me right here as we are," he encouraged. 

It was the nicest thing that anyone had said to her in a while and she went with it. They spent hours in the tavern that night drinking and sharing stories. She was able to forget the crowd and prying eyes around her and simply focus on Levias' company. He told her stories of his clan and childhood, and she shared stories of her mischevious youth and how she taught herself to read. 

By the time he helped her to the cabin she was very tipsy indeed. As he turned to leave, she threw her arms around his neck for an uncharacteristic hug.

"This was fun. Thank you," she whispered in his ear which twitched in response making her giggle at the sight. 

The door opened suddenly behind them revealing Josie in her nightgown. "Winnie! By the Maker are you intoxicated? You smell like a brewery!"

She swayed a bit as she tried to focus on her friend's face and Levias' warm hand on her waist helped her stay steady. She liked it there too. 

"I'm fine Josies," she slurred. 

Josie gasped in disbelief, "And shame on you Herald for letting her get this way! The Commander just may eat her alive in the morning!"

With that, the Ambassador boldly pulled Winslow into the cabin and shut the door. "Really you two couldn't have just done what two attractive people your ages usually do behind closed doors? It'd leave you both feeling better in the morning than this behavior will," Josie said to her as Winslow broke into another fit of giggles.

"Oh honestly, to bed with you!" Josie yelled as she easily tipped her into her bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Cullen/Winslow is end game, but I feel like Levias is going to complicate it. 
> 
> Truth is I'm not even mad about it.


	12. Ma Falon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two days in a row of posting... what? 
> 
> I'm making up for my missed deadline.

The next morning when she drug herself down to the Commander it only took one look at him to determine he was pissed. Beatrix stood off to the side as if she wanted to be anywhere but there. They were at their usual meeting spot by the lake and for the first time in weeks she had been late. Her hair was in a messy bun on top of her head and her black tunic was rumpled because she'd slept in it. She was also pretty sure that her head might explode at any moment. 

"Did you have fun last night?" he finally spoke. 

The sound of his voice in the stillness made her wince a little. "It was a good night from what I can remember," she said raspily. She really should've drank some water before she arrived, but she would've been later if she had taken the time. 

"Beatrix leave us please," he directed at the other woman who gave a quick salute and left in a flurry of relief. 

His brown eyes landed back on her, "Many of my men have been discussing the night out you had with the Herald at the tavern drinking and flirting all night."

A flash of anger broke through her hangover, "It wasn't like that. We're just friends."

"Really? Does the Herald know that and why does everyone else seem to think differently?" he spat at her. At this point he was pretty much looming over her and for the first time since meeting him she was truly afraid of him. 

She met his stare though and didn't back down, "At the end of the day, that's not yours or anyone else's business anyways."

He looked like he might yell at her, but then he backed up abruptly, "You're perfectly right. You're dismissed as well. We will not be having training today."

With that, he turned on his heel and walked away from her with his back straight and rigid. For some reason unknown to her tears welled up into her eyes and she moved quickly to get back to the cover of her cabin. As she got closer, she noticed that Levias was stepping out of his own door and she quickly averted her eyes from him so that he wouldn't see her in such a state, but clearly not fast enough. 

"Winslow are you hurt?" he asked as he walked up to her, but she ignored him and swiftly stepped into her sanctuary while locking the door behind her. As Levias knocked on the locked door and called her name she sank to the floor in an overwhelming mess of emotions. 

As she placed her head on her raised knees she felt a soft hand on her shoulder, "Winnie whatever is the matter?" 

Josie was in front of her with a look of concern in her lovely dark eyes. Her dressing gown was hanging off a tan shoulder and Winslow hiccuped in her face when she tried to respond. 

"Come on, let's get you back to bed and you can tell me everything," Josie soothed as she led her to her bed. 

She told her friend everything that Cullen had said to her. "I don't understand what happened Josie and I honestly don't remember much of last night," she admitted. 

The dark haired woman sighed heavily, "The Commander is under a lot of pressure just as we all are Winnie. He means well and is probably just worried about your reputation."

"Well he needn't be!" Winslow exclaimed, "And besides he acted as if I might ruin the Herald's reputation not the other way around."

"This will work itself out. You'll see dear. You're only this emotional because of the excessive drinking last night," and with those words Josie began tucking her back into bed. Windlow had vague memories of her mother tucking her in at night as a very small child and so it was comforting in a way that she hadn't known in a long time. 

**********

Over the course of the next two following weeks, Winslow carefully avoided Levias. She felt terrible about it in a way, but she had come to the conclusion that Cullen was right and she should stay away from him. The formidable Commander himself had mysteriously not had enough time to handle her training himself anymore as of late. Instead, his second, Rylen, had been assisting her with Beatrix. It hurt a bit that he was going out of his way to avoid her so, but she brushed it off as best she could. 

The day before Levias and his party were to leave for the capital things got interesting. Winslow and Josie were in their office getting the last of the correspondences in order for the meeting when the door was flung open. Minaeve looked rightly irritated as a bunch of her notes went flying in every direction. Winslow and Josie found themselves face-to-face with a very irritated masked noble. 

"Lady Montilyet, we really must talk!" a thick Orlesian accent came from behind the mask. 

"Marquis DuRellion," Josie said as she gave Winslow a significant look. She remebered from Josie's tutoring on the surrounding nobles that the DuRellions felt that they very much owned Haven. 

"It is so nice of you to stop by and see me. To what do I owe this great pleasure?" Josie asked innocently, but before the Marquis could answer their door opened again revealing Levias. 

"Oh am I interrupting?" he asked as Windlow dropped her gaze. She couldn't look at him without shame or guilt. 

"Absolutely not! Herald let me introduce you to the Marquis DuRellion... " Josie said diplomatically before being interrupted. 

"The rightful owner of Haven! You are all trespassing on land promised to me and mine!" the Marquis shouted angrily. 

"Please Marquis, allow me to introduce you to the Herald who is a brave soul and one, the only one might I add, who has a chance of fixing the hole in the sky that threatens us all noble and peasant alike. Where would all of the innocent lives he protects go if you do not allow them to stay?" Josie asked strategically. 

The Marquis looked flustered but resigned as he sighed heavily, "Fine. I suppose the fate of Thedas depends on your success Herald. The Inquisition might stay in the meantime."

"That is most gracious of you Marquis and will not be forgotten," Josie said as she proceeded to lead the Marquis from the room. 

Winslow began shuffling her letters nervously as she felt Levias' eyes on her. "Winslow, why do I feel like I am missing something?" he asked her. 

She forced herself to meet his gaze and she could see the hurt and confusion in his blue eyes. "It is best if we are not friends Herald," she said. 

"And why is that?" he asked immediately. 

"You are the Herald of Andraste. You are a very important piece to the Inquisition and I could only cause you trouble. I am a nobody," she explained honestly. 

His blue eyes looked between hers seriously, "Who had made you believe that?"

"No one made me believe anything Levias. It is simply the truth," she said earnestly. 

Something seemed to fall into place for him, "Did the Commander say something like that to you?"

She fidgetted with her papers nervously, "What makes you think that?"

"Because you were supposed to be training with him when I saw you crying and trying to hide. Becaude Rylen has been supervising your training now instead. Because you've been avoiding me as if I have the blight since then. I honestly don't know why I just put it together," he said incredulously. 

"He simply pointed out that people will talk... that they are already talking... " she trailed off. Minaeve seemed to sense that she was not needed and Winslow watched her slip out the door.

Levias waited until Minaeve had shut the door behind her and then he moved to where he was standing directly across the desk from her. He reached out and grabbed her chin lightly in his hand to tilt her face up to look at him, "I could give a shit less what a bunch of other people think about either of us."

His words took her by surprise and she found herself looking between his eyes for the truth of it all. "Let me explain something to you Winslow. This has nothing to do with something being wrong with you or you not being good enough. I'll admit that I have no bloody idea what got the Commander's small clothes in a bunch, but it's definitely not you. If there was a problem with you he wouldn't have fought Leliana so hard about your position here much less one so closely tied to the Ambassador of all people," he said passionately. 

"Then what did I do?" she asked and instantly hated how childish and weak it sounded.

He ran the back of his hand gently over her cheek before he finally lowered it back to his side. "I doubt you did anything ma falon. I will address the issue with the Commander before I leave tomorrow," he promised. 

"Please don't create a fuss! Josie and the others will have my head if this causes choas between the Herald and the Commander of the Inquisition," she pleaded. 

Levias smiled broadly, "Well, you really are becoming a little diplomat."

"I'm serious Levias," she said. 

"I promise to be gentle and full of tact," he reasoned. 

There was a comfortable silence for a moment as they looked at each other. Then she asked, "What does 'ma falon' mean?"

"It is elven for 'my friend,'" he replied. 

Winslow felt a smile of her own spread accross her face and Levias looked at her in a curious way as it happened. He opened his mouth to say something when the door opened again to reveal a Marquisless Josie. 

"Finally!" she exclaimed. "I convinced him to go home and let us get back to work," she continued in an exasperated tone. 

"Do the DuRellions own Haven?" Levias asked. 

"The Marquis' wife has a claim to a claim... " Winslow began as she finally found a use for her force-fed noble knowledge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the feels!


	13. A Flame Ignited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Cullen admits to being an ass. 
> 
> We still love him though. :-)

Winslow was dreading her training the morning Levias left. As she made her way down to the lake she was desperately praying that Rylen would be waiting for her, but as she drew near she of course saw the shiny blonde head of the Commander. That morning was just an exercise one so she had her hair down and braided over a shoulder. Her fingers instinctively twisted it's end at the sight of him in an old nervous habit. He was standing with his back to her, but of course he still heard her approaching. 

"I have been unkind to you," he said without turning to face her. 

She came to stand beside him, but kept her own eyes on the frozen lake as well. "You were although I have been accused of worse and handled it much better. I blame my emotional response on the mead from the night before," she replied. 

"I still shouldn't have said those things to you or avoided you afterwards just because I knew I was wrong," he said as she felt his face turn toward her. "Will you forgive me?" he asked. 

"Are you only asking because your Herald told you too?" she asked back as she turned her hazel eyes to lock with his brown ones. 

"No," he answered firmly, "I will not deny that Levias approached me, but he simply gave me the push I needed."

Her eyes looked between his and when she saw nothing but honesty the she smiled brightly at him. "Then it never happened. Also, the Herald and I will try to be more respectable when we're out in public together, but if someone really has a problem with our friendship then that's their problem not ours," she said. 

A strange look passed over his face before he replied, "Very good then."

And just like that, they continued her training that morning as if nothing had happened. As the sun rose above them, she noticed that the shadows under his eyes were darker than she'd ever seen them.

"Are you having trouble sleeping again?" she asked with concern as they approached his tent and the awakening recruits. 

"A bit," he admitted so quitely that she almost missed it. 

"Commander these orders came through for you this morning," Rylen said as he approached their position with some paperwork. His eyes landed on Winslow and Rylen gave her a small bow, "Good morning Miss Winslow."

"Rylen good to see you, but please how many times do I have to tell you it's just Winslow," she said teasingly. 

"My men are taught and demanded to be respectful at all times," Cullen said authoritatively. 

Winslow's smile faltered as she was taken aback with his sudden change of mood. She wanted to be angry, but she had a feeling that his lack of sleep was a huge part of his mood swings. "Of course Commander," she returned and gave a slight dip of her head to them in farewell, "Good day gentlemen."

With that she was gone, but instead of heading to the Chantry she took the second right after the gates with a purposeful stride. She passed the already loud tavern and Solas' empty cabin. When she opened the door to get to her destination Adan turned from his table and looked at her with dismay. 

"Oh no you don't. You go tell the Ambassador that I am much too busy for whatever it is," he said earnestly. 

"Actually, I'm here on a personal matter," she said and saw curiosity light his face. 

**********

The day with Josie was relatively calm for once. The Herald and his party having just left and no nobles vying for a favor at that moment. So they spent the day filing and organizing the office. Winslow now had her own little desk on the opposite side of the room of Minaeve's and she was very proud of it. Josie readily helped her organize and decorate it modestly for which she was grateful. 

Josie told her stories of her childhood and siblings, and Winslow was fascinated with the tales of the noble family. She couldn't imagine having that big of a family or living that nicely. When her friend spoke of their failing fortune and declining social status she was surprised that she actually felt sympathy for her. Not too long ago she would've considered her a spoiled brat. 

When it was time, Winslow took her usual spot on the floor with her candle and Minaeve was at her desk with her back turned to her. She was humming a Dalish tune to herself and was clearly engrossed in her work. She obviously thought she was a lost cause at this point. She started at the candle with as much exasperation as she could muster up as if that would help. 

She closed her eyes and tried to block out the other mages humming. Her thoughts drifted to Cullen's advice about accepting herself and not being afraid. Did she know how to do that? She channeled all her thoughts and searching into herself. Minaeve's guidance about that place inside of her that was filled with magic came to mind as well and she actively sought it out. 

All of the sudden, she seemed to tap into something inside herself. It was like dipping your toe into the edge of a lake except she felt no shallow bottom and that was exhilarating instead of terrifying. When she opened her eyes there was a flame dancing merrily on the candle in front of her. She was so proud that she reached a little deeper into her pool and suddenly all the candles in the room burned brighter and higher simultaneously. 

Minaeve gasped and spun to face her in disbelief, "By the Maker, you did it."

Winslow couldn't help the laugh that escaped her, "Yes I did!"

The rest of the lesson Minaeve spent showing her how to douse the flames she created. Now that she knew how to access her mana it was easier for the other mage to show her how to do things. She also grabbed a bowl of water and asked her to freeze it, but she was only able to make the water a bit cooler to the touch. Still, it was progress that neither of them had expected and Winslow was surprised at how easy it was to find her mana now. Even more surprising was that it felt natural. She wasn't about to rush to use it all the time, but it was nice to finally understand this new piece of herself a bit better. 

As she headed out the Chantry doors for the day, she had another task to complete and it made her a bit nervous if she was honest with herself. She had made it out the gates and towards the soldier's tents a bit before she realized she didn't actually know where she was going. Luckily for her just as the thought hit her she stopped Rylen. 

"Rylen!" she called to him taking him by surprise. 

"Winslow what are you doing down here at this time?" he asked curiously. 

She glanced around nervously, "I'm looking for the Commander's tent."

Rylen's eyebrows shot up at her words and she quickly realized how that might come across. "Nothing like that! I have a gift for him," she tried to explain. 

The Commander's second gave her a wicked smile, "Now don't you worry about what I think lass. I'm sure a gift would do the man some good."

She rolled her eyes and decided he could think whatever he wanted, "The tent Rylen?"

"First one to the right," he said with a smile as he pointed out a tent that was slightly larger than the others.

"Thank you," she said and she pulled her cloak around herself tighter against the cold as she made her way. At the entrance she hesitated for a moment. She really hoped that he was off somewhere and she could leave her gift discreetly without having to explain. 

As soon as she opened the flap, she realized she'd have no such luck. Cullen was sitting at a wooden table that had been turned into a makeshift desk. It was small enough to fit comfortably in the tent so of course it made him look physically larger. His armor and coat were off and neatly piled beside the table and he was dressed in a simple white tunic, that was unlaced at the collar, and soft looking brown breeches. It was like seeing a sleeping lion in it's oasis. 

In the time it took for her to process all of that, Cullen's head came up from his paperwork and his eyes widened when he saw her standing there. "Winslow are you alright?" he asked with worry as he started to stand. 

"Everything is fine Cullen," she said hastily closing the flap behind her and waving at him to remain seated. "I just came to see you for a moment," she said lamely. 

His brows knitted together as if he couldn't possibly understand the concept. "Please take a seat then," he said as he pointed to the modest cot next to his table. Of course the furs on it were folded perfectly and as she took a seat on it she pondered if the pillow smelled like him. She was trying to shakethat thought when he spoke again. 

"I have to admit that I am surprised to see you here," here said as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

"I finally lit the candle," tumbled out of her mouth unexpectedly. "Your advice helped me do that," she continued since she was already going. 

"That's great Winslow. I know you aren't thrilled about being a mage, but learning some control techniques will help you adjust," he said as he learned forward and placed his arms on his legs. With that angle she got a better view of the hard planes of his chest and a spattering of fair colored chest hair as well through his tunic. "I'm glad I could help," he said. 

"I've come to return the favor," she said fighting down her nerves. She reached into her cloak pocket and pulled out a bottle with a purple liquid within. 

"What is that?" he asked suddenly weary. 

She passed it to him and explained, "It is a very potent sleeping draught of Adan's. I went to him this morning and I explained that I'm having a terrible time sleeping. When I do sleep I'm plagued by nightmares, but I also explained that I didn't want anything that would leave me unable to keep my schedule. So he mixed this for me to try. He advised me to place two drops in my drink at dinner and three drops on days when I can sleep in the following morning. I am too report back if adjustments need to be made and when I am out or I want more."

When she had finished speaking she sat there a bundle of nerves as he looked from her to the potion. "Why are you doing this?" he finally asked. 

"Because you have helped me multiple times and I have an opportunity to do the same for you," she said honestly. 

"Winslow, you really don't owe me anything," he said while looking her steadily in the eyes. 

"Cullen, I want to so please let me help," she said not breaking eye contact. 

A laugh outside the tent made them both look away. "Soldiers are like a knitting circle. There will be talk about you being in my tent tonight," he said apologetically. 

"If someone had a problem with our friendship that's their problem not ours," she replied using her statement from earlier that day. She was rewarded when he gave her a dazzling smile. That was the moment she realized that flames come in many forms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at Winslow go!
> 
> She's never going to LOVE being a mage, but she's going to learn to accept who she is. That is the most important journey any of us can ever make.


	14. Letters and Temptations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that everyone has a happy and safe New Years!
> 
> I won't be posting another chapter until towards the end of the week, but Winslow will return!
> 
> See ya next year! :-)

In the three weeks that Levias had been gone, he wrote to Winslow. It was absolutely a highlight in her day when Leliana would grudgingly approach her to deliver her a letter that one of her ravens had brought. The first thing she had been afraid that the spymaster was actually there to kill her and had nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of the woman simply asking to speak with her. There had been four letters so far and each one had been given to her with a broken seal. She had half a mind to write and ask Levias in her next response if his were at least resealed when he received them. 

She had just recieved the fourth letter and she was excited to learn that he had managed to scoop up two new companions for his inner circle after the disaster with the clerics. The one named Sera he swore she would get along great with. The letter had ended with him stating that they would be another few weeks on the road to get back plus they were finally getting the mounts situation settled with the Horsemaster Dennett. She was a little disheartened that it would take him so long to get back, but she knew he had much more important things on his plate than just her. 

She could of course get almost all this information from the reports that Josie received along with the other advisors, especially since she was in charge of archiving them, but it wasn't the same. Levias took the time to put details into his letters that he knew she would appreciate. His depictions of all the gold in the capital had sounded like something out of one of Varric's tales until she read it to Josie and the other woman admitted it was an accurate description. 

It was midafternoon as she tucked the letter into her cloak pocket and made her way out the Chantry doors. As soon as she stepped outside she knew that something was wrong. On the left side there was a group of gathered templars and to the right a group of mages. 

A single person from each group seemed to be addressing one another heatedly. "Your kind killed the most holy!" an enraged templar yelled. "Your kind let her die!" the opposing mage yelled back. 

She was just considering her best approach when suddenly Cullen was between the two with both hands up telling each side to back down. "Enough!" he commanded.

When the mage looked as if he would push the issue, Winslow swiftly inserted herself between the two. "The Commander of the Inquisition that offers you protection said to back down," she said firmly. The mage was easily a foot taller than her, but she kept her chin high. 

"You've never known a circle," that mage spat in her face. 

"Yes and thanks to the protection the Inquisition and it's Commander grant you all none of you are back in one or contained by rogue templars," she defended. 

As the mage she was facing finally sulked away the others started following his lead. "The order dictates... " the templar that Cullen was still facing started to say in her direction when he grabbed the man's breastplate to make him face his way. 

"We are no longer part of the order. Stand down," he said stoically. 

The templar glared at Winslow in such a hateful way that she shivered as he turned and walked away. "He would kill me if he could," she said nodding at the retreating templar's back. 

"Yes and there are plenty more where he came from," a reedy voice said as a man dressed in Chantry robes approached their position. She recognized him as the one called Chancellor Roderik and she knew that he was very much disliked by Levias, the inner circle, and the advisors. This happened to be her first time meeting him. 

"Cullen remind me why you allow the Chancellor to stay?" she asked boldly while not taking her eyes off the irritable man. 

Cullen snorted loudly, "He likes to run at the mouth, but he's toothless."

The Chancellor looked enraged at the way they were discussing him. "Clearly your templar knows where to draw the line!" he said viciously. 

"Hmmmm... clearly you missed the 'ex' part," Winslow said mockingly. 

The Chancellor had apparently had enough at her words and he turned away from them and headed into the Chantry. She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her at the sight. 

"Thank you for the support Winslow," Cullen said gratefully. 

"Of course. I think you would've handled it fine without me, but I figured it couldn't hurt," she conceded. 

She noticed that the shadows beneath his eyes were still gone. They had begun fading the day after she gave him the potion and she had even heard his men whispering that he was in a much better mood. She had also heard people whispering unsavory rumors about her having been in his tent, but she brushed it off and if Cullen had heard any such things he said nothing to her about it.

"I have read some of the reports and it appears that the Herald did not have much luck with the clerics," Cullen said bringing her mind back to the present. 

"Yeah," she sighed, "but I think you and I both expected that. His last letter to me stated that he has much to discuss with you all about it. Maybe they have come up with another solution? Also, they are bringing two new members with influence. One of which, some duke's mistress, should arrive back before Levias."

They were walking toward the gates while talking, but Cullen stopped for a second. "He writes you personally?" he asked her. 

She turned to face him, "Well... yes. We're friends, but we've been over this before Cullen."

"I didn't mean it like that... it's just... " his golden brown eyes locked with hers, "none of my business really. I'm sorry again."

She tilted her head to the side as she looked him over, "Are you hungry?"

"Oh yes, I must be keeping you from your dinner... " he started, but she quickly waved her hand to silence him. 

"Nonsense. I'm hungry, but I'm not starving anymore. I have some time before I'm supposed to meet Minaeve. Would you like to eat with me?" she asked him and was pleased with herself at how easily the words came out of her. 

He appeared caught off guard by her question, but not displeased, "As in at the tavern? I never go there because so many of my men do and honestly I have paperwork I really should be catching up."

"Fine then. I'll grab the food and we can eat in your tent while you work," she said and at the look on his face she continued, "Cullen when is the last time you actually ate a meal and socialized with another person?"

He remained silent at her question and she smiled in victory, "Exactly my point."

"People are still talking about the last time you were in my tent," he said glancing around them almost paranoidly, "the only other person I ever let in there is Rylen."

"Funny, I've yet to hear any rumors about you and him being intimate," she joked and he let out a small choked sound. 

"Maker, I should hope not!" he said, "I'm simply worried about your reputation. You work so closely with the Ambassador."

She rolled her eyes at him, "In case you haven't noticed I care little about that foolishness. The only opinions that matter are those of my friends. Unless, Josie, Levias, or you approaches me about it I really don't care what people say. They will talk regardless. Who I eat dinner with shouldn't affect my work, but if you're really against it then it's no big deal Cullen."

The truth was that it was sort of a big deal. She never went out of her way to spend time with anyone especially as the initiator and she had done that for him twice now. The rejection stung a bit.

"Let's go to the tavern," he said suddenly. 

"Are you sure? Your men might be there and you just said that makes you uncomfortable," she said. 

"It does," he admitted to her, "but atleast this way no one can speculate about what we might be doing."

She laughed at his words, "Now Commander weren't you the one who not too long ago taught me just how much a dinner between two people can be turned into a salacious rumor?"

**********

Seeing Cullen in the tavern was highly amusing to Winslow and took her mind off her own anxiety about the crowd. When they had first entered, a silence has descended as if something must be terribly wrong for the Commander to be there. Sound was returning slowly as they were sitting at their table waiting for their orders. She removed her cloak as it was quite warm inside the building and she could only guess how hot he must be underneath all his heavy armor. 

"And I thought I was uncomfortable in crowds," she joked as a conversation starter. 

"I'm sorry," he said as he shifted in his seat, "I just like to keep my work and private life seperate. It's always been easier for me that way."

"So it must be really odd to eat dinner with me then considering that we work together?" she asked. 

He winced, "It is, but I'm willing to try it."

"What's templar life like?" she asked with curiosity and hope that getting him to open up would make him more comfortable. 

"It is trying at times, but protecting people is rewarding and I felt, for a time, that my work with the templars brought me closer to the Maker," he said. 

"So do the templars take any oaths like 'I promise to watch all the mages' and that sort of thing?" she asked. 

He laughed at the way she had playfully deepened her voice when she said the made up oath. "Something like that, but templar life is about more than all that. We are sworn to guard the mages and that includes from themselves, but we are also in charge of protecting the innocent caught in a mage's path," he explained. 

Her thoughts drifted to the templars who took her mother and she regretted asking the question. "When the templars came to get my mother they left me behind. If they are to protect the innocent why did they do that?" she couldn't help but ask. 

A sad look crossed over his features, "I dont know Winslow. When a mage is taken who had children the templars are supposed to take the children to the Chantry so that they can try to locate the next of kin. Those that left you should fear facing the Maker someday."

Their conversation was then halted as Flissa arrived with their food and drinks. She skillfully arranged everything on the table in a practiced manner before she turned her attention to the Commander. She placed a hand on her hip coyly as if it needed more emphasis on the way it curved, "Is there anything else I can get you Commander?"

Winslow bit back her laughter so hard because poor Flissa's flirting was clearly lost on Cullen. "I'm fine thank you unless you require anything else Winslow?" he asked her.

"Nope, I'm good," she answered as Flissa disappointedly made her departure. 

They took a minute to enjoy the food. Cullen had ordered water and she had made a point to follow his lead on that one. Her sandwhich was just as good as last time. 

"Are the templars expected to give anything up?" she asked as a way to get the conversation going again. 

He swallowed a bite of his stew before answering, "What do you mean?"

"Can they get married?" she asked as she took a sip of her water. Now that she thought about it, she'd never heard of or seen a married templar. 

"Well... yes with the approval of the Chantry of course and it would be hard on their spouse," he answered. 

"What about physical temptations? Are they expected to give that up too and did you take any vows like that if so?" she asked without really thinking about her line of questioning. 

He choked on his water, "Maker, why would you ask that? Some templars can choose to give up... more... but it is mot required and I certainly took no such vows."

Her cheeks flamed red at her idiotic question and pleasure at his response. "Sorry, that was too personal. I don't know what made me ask that," she said. 

"Can we speak of something else?" he pleaded and so they did. 

She learned about his brothers and sisters and how he joined the templars at such an early age. His sister Mia sounded likeable, and it was obvious he was a very devout Andrastian. She found that she envied his certainty in a high power. The idea clearly brought him great comfort. He also told her about his time in Kirkwall. The story had been told to her by others and highlighted in Varric's book, but she enjoyed hearing his side and commended him on his bravery for standing against Meredith. He also told her that he had met the Hero of Fereldan during his time in the circle, but he seemed uncomfortable discussing it further and she didn't push. 

Before she knew it she was running late for her time with Minaeve. "Oh, damn it! I completely lost track of time!" she hurriedly pulled on her cloak and reached into her pocket for coin.

"As did I," he said, "and please allow me to pay."

"Absolutely not," she said as she placed her earned coin on the table, "I asked you did I not?"

He looked a little annoyed, but didn't move to give her coin back to her. "Thank you Winslow. For dinner and your prior assistance," he said while looking at her. 

"Any time Cullen," she replied and as she headed out the door she had a little more pep in her step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I just couldn't resist that particular conversation.... it's just one of my favorites with Cullen. 
> 
> Thank you for the bookmark and the kudos. Also, even if you haven't kudo'd or commented and you're just reading along thank you as well. Seeing my hits go up excites me.


	15. Not Exactly Eye-to-Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

Exactly a week from the night that she had eaten dinner with Cullen, the mage that Levias had mentioned in his letter arrived. Her name was Vivienne, but she was called Madame de Fer by the nobility due to her position as Duke Bastien's mistress. Having come from such, Vivienne was used to living a much better quality of life than the Inquisiton could offer. 

Upon arriving, she had strolled into the Ambassadorial office as if she owned the damn thing and started asking for accommodations beyond their current grasp. Josie had delicately and diplomatically reminded her that they were all serving a much greater purpose. Now this was someone that Winslow could easily, and did, consider a spoiled brat. She could see why Levias had probably gladly encouraged her to head onto Haven instead of traveling in his party. 

To both Winslow and Josie's dismay the entitled mage had set up a work area just outside their office and practically in the middle of the Chantry. Josie sternly ordered her to play nice with Madame de Fer due to her important connections, but Winslow highly disliked the woman. 

Levias had sent her another letter saying that they would be back sooner than expected with the mounts for the soldiers. That news would certainly excite Cullen. Winslow was also just genuinely glad that he would be back soon. She had never had the opportunity to 'miss' someone before. At least, not with knowing they were indeed intending to come back to her. She had also purposefully left out her progress with her magic in the letters she wrote to him. She couldn't wait to see the surprise on his face as she showed him that she could create fire and electricity. Minaeve and her both had agreed to give up on ice for now as she had no luck with it. It would probably seem like child's play to him, but she was still proud that she was mastering her fear. 

She had also started excelling in her training with Cullen as well and Josie chalked it up to her new found confidence with her magic. Wherever it came from, Winslow was proud of it. Her speed had greatly improved and he was slowly allowing her to spar with different soldiers now using practice weapons. He had told her that she would never be as good as someone who trained solely as a rogue as she had one day hoped, but that if her magic failed her this would be a backup. Considering that she was a beginner as far as magic was concerned she was perfectly fine with that. 

On the day that Levias returned Winslow was with Threnn getting updated requisition orders when she heard a familiar voice shout her name. She turned in confusion to see him hurrying towards her. He looked a little tired and travel worn, but she also noticed that his dark glossy hair had grown out a bit. She liked it. 

"There you are," he said without preamble and wrapped her in a warm hug. He smelled like sunlight and travel and she could feel the mark on his hand buzzing at her back. He didn't even flinch anymore. "Thank you for writing me back," he said in her ear before pulling away. 

"Were the seals broken on your letters too?" she asked with a smile. 

He gave a small tired laugh, "Every single one."

He stepped back and looked at her for a second and she hoped that she hadn't spilled something on her tunic at breakfast. "Did I grow a third eyeball in your absence?" she asked him. 

"No nothing like that. You look fine... I mean great... oh boy. It's just that your hair is longer and your clothes fit a little different... " he gently tugged on her braid as he spoke and the tips of his ears turned pink in the usual sign that he was embarrassed. 

"Well your hair has gotten longer too," she said as she reached out and tugged a wavy lock next to his ear. 

A throat cleared loudly behind them and they both turned to see Threnn looking irritated. "Is there anything else you need miss?" she asked roughly. 

"This is it thanks," she replied as she took the documents the officer provided. As she turned back to Levias she noticed the advisors approaching their position. She smiled at Cullen and Josie, and noticed that Cullen looked between Levias and her curiously as they approached. 

"Herald may we head to the Chantry to discuss your travels?" Cullen asked him. 

"Of course Commander lead the way," Levias responded and when they started to head that way Josie made a motion for her to follow. 

"It matters little to me if you are present now seeing as the Herald will tell you everything anyhow," Leliana directed at her as they entered the Chantry.

"And we both know that you'll read all that communication first spymaster," Winslow answered as they all turned to face each other in the Chantry hallway. 

"Certainly and what kind of spymaster would I be if I did not?" the red head asked sardonically. "Besides we are past petty differences at this point as we are on the same side. You may call me Leliana," she continued. 

Winslow knew that her mouth was hanging open in shock, but she couldn't seem to help it. Was the woman crazy or just trying to fuck with her? Josie gave her a significant look as if to say 'I taught you better' and she snapped her mouth shut before responding.

"I'll consider it," she replied. 

"It is a shame that the templars acted in such a way at Val Royeaux," Cullen said as a means of refocusing the group. 

"Yes it would appear that we must turn our attention to the mages," Josie said. 

"Now, I wouldn't give up that easily," Cullen defended, "They're still an option. We could always try meeting with them on their grounds."

"Because that would be safe," Leliana interjected. 

"I intend to go to Redcliffe and meet with the Grand Enchanter regardless," Levias said. 

"I agree with the Herald," the Seeker supplied, "we should explore all our options."

Josie cleared her throat politely, "We can discuss all of this tomorrow. Perhaps you would like to rest Herald?"

"I wouldn't complain about it," he said thankfully. 

As they all started to disperse, Levias turned to her as if to speak, but Leliana's purple gloved hand landed on his forearm. "May I have a word please Herald?" she asked sweetly before pulling him away. 

"I am going to handle some personal business the rest of the day Winnie," Josie said to her as she passed by, "Feel free to do as you wish for a while."

As she was considering what to do next a sudden fake floral whiff met her nose and she was aware of an 'icy' presence behind her. 

"You look strangley familiar and yet I know you are no circle mage," Vivienne said. 

Winslow braced herself before turning to face her. "Thank goodness for that. I'm afraid I would've beem terrible at it," she said as sweetly as she knew how. 

"Your face though and especially the eyes remind me of someone I cannot place," the dark skinned woman said as she looked her over as if she was a puzzle needing to be solved. 

Thankfully Levias made his way back to her side, "Madame de Fer, how are you settling in?"

"Please my dear call me Vivienne," the cocky mage said sophisticatedly.

"Very well, Vivienne, how are you?" he continued. 

"The accommodations will do. I know the work we are committed to is more important as the Ambassador reminded me," she said as her eyes glanced at Winslow and then back to Levias, "Besides, the sooner this mess is cleaned up the sooner the circles can be restored and peace brought back to Thedas."

"You support the circles?" Levias asked with shock. 

"Of course Herald," Vivienne said in an offended tone, "Where else would young mages be safe enough to practice and learn their craft?"

"The Dalish do just fine without templars or circles," he argued. Winslow was a little taken back by the passion in his tone. He clearly felt very strongly about this and she summarized that he had every right too. 

"And pray tell, what happens to the young mages that your clans do not have room for?" Vivienne asked slyly and by the way that he stiffened at her side Winslow could tell the other woman had struck a nerve. 

"The clans do what they must and we try very hard to avoid the toughest of choices," he said firmly. 

"As do we all Herald," Vivienne said with a hint of victory marking her words, "now I'm sure you both have better things to attend to than me."

The mage turned back to her desk against the wall in a clear sign of dismissal for them both. Levias took her by the hand and quickly led her out of the Chantry. Once they were standing outside he dropped her hand and she was startled by the fact that she suddenly missed it's warmth. 

"I'm sorry I almost lost it," he said to her. 

"It's alright. I haven't been a mage for long, but I have no desire to be put into a circle," she said. 

"Excuse me," a raspy voice said from behind her making them both turn it's direction. A man in a clean set of armor with a cinnamon colored skin tone was before them. He was pretty tall, but not as large as Cullen and his brown hair was cut close to how Levias' used to be. 

"I have a message for the Inquisition, but I'm having a hard time getting anyone to listen," he continued. 

"You can give it to me," Levias said stepping towards the man who was just a bit taller than him as well. 

"My name is Cremisius Aclassi and I work for a mercenary group called The Chargers led by our captain The Iron Bull. He is interested in your cause. If you'd like to see us in action come to the Storm Coast to see what we can offer," he said as he handed a letter to Levias. 

"What can you tell us about this 'Iron Bull?'" Levias asked him. 

Cremisius shrugged, "He's one of those large qunari with the horns and his company is the best you'll find."

"Very well. I'll pass along the message," Levias said as he pocketed the letter in his mage cloak. 

The mercenary gave them a slight bow and departed. They booth stood there silently for a moment both in different places in their minds. 

"Levias, what does happen to the Dalish mages? I mean you're a mage so it can't be that bad right?" she asked him. 

"I am... was... the second to my keeper who is always a mage. I was an apprentice of sorts and lined up to take the place as keeper when the time came. Due to being on the move and constant watch for shemlen... I'm sorry, humans, we can only allow a certain amount of mages in a clan at a time," he answered her. 

"And if there is no more room?" she asked while being terrified of his answer. 

His face saddened and she hated the look on his face, "Then we try to find a clan that can take them, but if not... for the good of everyone else they are shunned. It is not something we do lightly and it is a stain on that clan for a long time."

"But most of them are just children right?" she asked. Her magic had showed up alot latter than most due to the blast when he had fallen. When she heard talk of other people having their magic come out they are almost always teenagers and often times younger. 

"Most of them yes," he answered with shame. 

An anger she hadn't known in a long time rose in her, "How could anyone abandon a child?"

Hurt and anger of his own flashed onto Levias' face, "I don't expect you to understand. You are not one of the people."

"You're wrong again. I do understand. I understand what it is to be abandoned as a child and left for dead because I was that child!" she protested angrily. 

A strange look softened his eyes that she couldn't place, but before she could say anything that might permanently damage their friendship she chose to walk away. Never in a million years would she have imagined him capable of condoning such an act. No child deserved to feel as she had or be brought to do the things she had done to survivie. She had borne no children of her own obviously and imagined she never would, but that was something she could never see herself doing. She would gladly die before allowing someone to take her child from her. 

Before she knew it, she found herself on the slightly rundown pier at the edge of the frozen lake. She wrapped her fennec lined cloak tighter and breathed the cold air in deeply to calm her nerves. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cullen approaching her. She felt an overwhelming sense of relief for some reason. Surely, he would agree with her. Just as she turnes to face him, he stopped in his tracks with an odd look on his face as he looked in the direction of the gates. 

When she glanced to see what it could be she saw Levias approaching her with a purposeful stride. When she looked back to Cullen he was already walking away. 

"Winslow, please let us not part like that," Levias said partly out of breathe as he drew up next to her. 

"I didn't think of how that might personally affect you," he continued once his breathing improved. 

"It is better than you lying to me. I always prefer the truth Levias," she conceded. 

They stood there momentarily in silence again, but this time it was awkward. "I don't approve of it. I could never leave my child behind... not that I have any... or will ever have that opportunity," she said finally, "but I know it doesn't define who you or the Dalish are."

His blue eyes were soft when he spoke to her, "You are an amazing woman Winslow and not at all how I expected humans to be."

"You mean shemlen?" she teased, "That word I do know."

He let out a small laugh, "Exactly and for the record I think you're going to make an amazing mother some day."

She blushed a little at his compliment and rolled her eyes at him and just like that they were good again. She had never pictured being able to get along so well with someone that disagreements didn't change anything. 

"I have something to show you," she said softly. 

"What's that?" he asked. 

She gave him a small smile as she reached into her mana and tugged at it's intoxicating pool. She lefted her right hand and raised it towards his face. When it was close enough she allowed electricity to flow into her fingertips making a small trendil of it reach out and zap his cheek. 

"You can access your magic," he stated with a smile. 

"It appears so," she said with an answering smile of her own. 

He reached out with his unmarked hand and grasped hers. She felt something in the air change between them and she suddenly became of something warm and wild. It reminded her of how she felt when Vivienne came up behind her like a new sense of awareness, but this feeling coming from him was the polar opposite. It fit well with her own 'feel.' 

As she stared at their hands in awe, she saw electric sparks come from his hand as well and intertwine with her own. It was beyond fascinating and a new sense of intimacy she'd never known before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a confession...
> 
> I might be crushing really hard on Levias. 
> 
> ... that was an unexpected side effect of writing this fic.


	16. Respect Your Elder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

The next morning, Winslow got up as usual to head down for a morning of training. It was almost natural to her now to be up before the sun and even the sight of Josie snuggled up under her covers failed to bother her anymore. She did a quick clean up of herself including her teeth and her unmentionables. As she brushed her golden hair out in front of their mirror she could see what Levias had been talking about. The tips of her locks went further down her body than she remembered. ' _Should it be cut?_ ' she asked herself. 

She worked it into a managable braid and then fastened that into a bun on top of her head. As usual, a few curls automatically fell out around the sides of her face and her forehead. Her face was definitely thinner than she recalled and new freckles lined the bridge of her nose and cheeks. Because her face had thinned out so much her hazel eyes looked bigger behind their fair lashes. She had always thought her eyes were too big for her face and now it was worse. 

Without much thought, she threw on a green tunic, brown trousers, and grabbed her cloak and daggers on the way out the door. The air in Haven was always coldest right before the sun came up. Her mind was relatively blank as she took the path down to the training spot so it took her a moment to realize what she was seeing once she got close enough. 

Cullen was there of course, but she was curious as to why Solas and Levias were present as well. The three men seemed to be having a conversation and from her position she could see that the Commander was irritated. As she approached she started to pick up a bit of the conversation. 

"Have you even asked her is this is what she wants to do?" Cullen was asking Solas angrily. 

"You and I both know that it will come to this eventually," Solas replied in an almost bored tone. 

"This is who she is Commander and it will be better for her to learn now rather than later," Levias said in a calming tone. 

" _Bullshit_ ," Cullen said making her gasp. She hadn't heard him curse before. "This is what you want for her," he continued. 

"Perhaps we should simply ask her like gentlemen," Solas input as his eyes landed on her and he nodded in her direction. 

The two other men turned to look at her with different looks. Levias appeared happy and relieved, but Cullen looked concerned. When she spoke she found herself addressing the latter, "Commander what is going on?"

His eyes met hers and he sighed, "It appears that the Herald and Solas believe you are ready to start practicing defensive magic."

"Da'len this will be your safest bet at control. I have heard that you are good with daggers and a bow, but what happens when that is not enough and you reach for your magic instinctively? Especially when you do not know what you are doing?" Solas asked her. 

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm not a child?" she asked snappishly. 

"Winslow these are things that you need to know," Levias said soothingly. 

She could hear his words, but she found herself turning to Cullen again. "Are they right?" she asked and immediately noted how scared her voice sounded. 

"Eventually, it would be best for you to change your daggers in for a staff, but if you are not ready I'm sure they will not force you," he said firmly as if it were not even a question.

"Then why even bother to train me?" she asked him. 

"There will be times when your magic might not be effective enough or your mana is depleted. In the heat of battle, your instincts have to take over," Levias explained from behind her. 

"And when will I be going into battle?" she asked while still looking at Cullen. 

"We are involved in a war Winslow. Battle could come to us at any time. I would see you ready for it," Cullen responded. 

She looked down at the two daggers at her hips and frowned slightly, "You did say I could never go back."

He placed a warm hand on her shoulder, "You already knew that. If you need more time... "

"No, I've come this far Cullen. I have always done what I needed to in order to survive. I will continue to do so," she said to him. She took off her cloak and laid it neatly on the snow. She then removed her daggers and pulled the spare ones from her boots. 

"Then let us begin," Solas said when she had finished. 

**********

It was grueling work and it required more physically than Winslow would have imagined it to. They took turns showing her how the staff was a weapon in itself and how the blade at the end could easily cut down a foe that wandered to close. Her skill and speed with daggers made it an easier adjustment than it would have been for most and the physical training she had been doing with Cullen came into play as well. The staff required more strength because it was heavier and more balance because of it's length. The damn thing was taller than she was!

After they felt that she understood the concept of using a staff as a weapon, it was time to move on to connecting her magic to it. At this point, they were a couple of hours in and the sun had fully risen. Winslow was starting to get worried that Josie would miss her. Cullen had left sometime prior and she could see his broad shoulders a ways off as he was getting his troops together for training. She kept feeling his eyes on her though and it was distracting for some reason. 

"Shouldn't we continue this tomorrow?" she asked her elven teachers hopefully. 

"Our Ambassador has a letter on her desk explaining your whereabouts," Levias said, "You're not getting away that easily Winnie."

That was the first time that he had used her appointed nickname and she was pleased to find that it didn't bother her. 

"Well isn't that thoughtful of you," she said sarcastically. 

"Come Winslow," Solas said capturing her attention as he took a seat on a nearby rock and patted it to indicate that she should sit on it across from him. She started to put her staff down, but he shook his bald head, "You will need that da'len."

She huffed as recognized that word again and crossed her legs as she sat on the rock across from him. "Is there a word for old man?" she asked with irritation while placing her staff between them. 

Levias gave a loud laugh and Solas looked a little offended. "I do not look as old as I am," he said defensively. 

"And how old might that be?" Levias asked as he took a seat in the snow on the ground next to their rock. She worried that it might be too cold down there, but her eyes drifted to the dark waves that had grown to his neck and she could see that they were damp with sweat. 

"I am more than twice the age of either of you," Solas said and Winslow felt her jaw drop open. 

"Are you serious!? I was just joking Solas. I mean you act so much older, but I never would've guessed that. Do all elves age so well?" she asked with curiosity. 

Levias shrugged, "I am twenty seven if a comparison helps."

Winslow looked at him and thought about it. She had guessed upon meeting him that he was around her age even though he was a bit older. Perhaps so, but either way Solas did not look to be in his forties or fifties.

"The elves were once immortal right?" she asked them both. 

Solas' eyes looked very sad to her as he responded, "They were indeed. It was simply part of being elvhen. Your words are kind Winslow, but we should get back to the task at hand."

"Right, sorry to wander off topic," she apologized and looked down at the staff between them, "Now what?"

Solas reached down and flipped the staff so that the wooden shaft wasn't between them anymore, but the top of it was. There was a deep purple crystal of some sort attached there by metal and cloth. She didn't know much on the subject, but she would guess that this was a very basic beginner's staff. 

"The crystal has been enchanted to be a point lf focus for your magic. It can assist with aiming your magic across greater distances as a bow would or dealing more damage per second at a closer range. This crystal in particular is partial to electrical magic as Levias indicated thag you handle it better, but it can aid with any spell of your choosing," Solas explained in a voice that sounded like he was used to passing on knowledge. 

"So how do I use it?" she asked with a reflexive nervous swallow. 

Solas' lips curved into a smile, "You simply channel your magic into it."

With that, he grabbed her hand lightly and placed it around the staff at the midway point. She couldn't help but notice that he had very long and graceful fingers. She also felt calluses on his palm that was against the back of her hand. They probably came from wielding his own staff. She was just beginning to wonder what he was trying to show her when she suddenly felt it. 

His magic flowed smoothly down and out of him theough her hand and towards the staff. His magic didn't feel anything like Vivienne's or Levias'. There was no ice, warmth, or comfort. It just simply was... power. It felt like raw power and she could even taste it on the tip of her tongue as it passed through her. Strangely though, it was also familiar as if she should be able to recognize it. She didn't though and unlike with Levias, she suddenly felt very uncomfortable with his magic on her or flowing through her. Instinctively, she jerked her hand back and away from the staff and Solas with a gasp. 

Solas looked at her very strangely due to her reaction, "Are you alright?"

"I'm... sorry... I'm... it's just that your magic felt... strange," she said in confusion. She didn't say what she was really thinking: _wrong, it felt wrong_. Solas had been nothing but kind to her, depsite calling her a child, and she had no desire to hurt his feelings. She cradled her hand against her chest and felt suddenly foolish. She was behaving like a child.

She didn't like the way that Solas was regarding her without speaking and Levias jumped in to help them out, "Perhaps I could try."

Solas' eyes didn't stray from her as he responded to him, "Of course Herald."

The men switched places and Winslow felt somewhat better to see and feel Levias sitting across from her instead of the older elf. His striking blue eyes were trying to hold hers and help her focus, "It's alright Winnie. Can we try again?"

His dark vallaslin was the color of coal and she was fascinated with the contrast it had with his pale, clear skin. Her heart slowed down as she looked into his kind face, "Okay."

"I know you can do this," he said as he held out his unmarked hand to her. 

She placed her hand in his and watched with worry as he mimicked how Solas had placed his hand over hers on the staff. His hand wasn't as graceful as Solas'. There were more calluses scattered across his palm and fingers. His hands belonged to a man that enjoyed creating things with them and she remembered their conversation in the tavern about his chosen vallaslin. Levias reached for his magic and she felt it with some other sixth sense before she actually felt it flow down and into the staff itself. 

The feeling was wonderfully intimate and comforting. Like she was wrapped up in a warm blanket with him and all alone. The crystal on the staff made a zapping sound and when she looked at it she found it wrapped in electricity. She gasped in wonder and pleasure at the feeling and the sight of it. 

"Try it with me," Levias encouraged, "Just like before when you showed me."

She closed her eyes and complied with his wish. She pushed down with her own magic and allowed it to follow his up and into the crystal. The feeling was literally electrifying and the crystal on the staff exploded with it sending a bolt quite a distance and hitting one of the Seeker's practice dummies. 

The Seeker's dark head appeared around the corner of a tent with a livid look on her face. "Watch where you are aiming mage!" she shouted her way. 

"Sorry Cassandra! That was my fault," Levias shouted back with laughter in his eyes. 

"That was very interesting," Solas said from his position in the snow. His eyes were focused on Levias and Winslow got the impression that the other man was deliberately avoiding his gaze. 

"I think that will be enough for today Winslow," Solas said as his eyes still bore into Levias. 

She felt a rush of honest relief at his words, "I'm good with that."

Levias began to rise with her, "Great. I'll walk you to the office."

"Actually Herald, we need to speak," Solas said in a tone that caught them both off guard. It wasn't the tone of a humble apostate, but of a man who was very much used to being listened to.

"I'll catch you later then Winnie," Levias said to her in a tight voice. For some reason, his face bore a look of guilt. 

"Okay," she said awkwardly and as she turned to away he grabbed her forearm and leaned down close to her ear so he could whisper to her. His full and marked lips brushed her ear as he whispered sending goosebumps across her scalp and neck. 

"Call him hahren," his words said. 

Winslow smiled as she realized what that word must mean. As they pulled away from each other and she went to turn to leave she threw over her shoulder, "See ya hahren."

There was a moment of silence and then she heard Solas rapidly speaking in elven to Levias. She faught her laughter until she made it to the gates and then it burst forth. Several people turned from what they were doing to give her odd looks, but she could care less in that momemt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't trust the egg...
> 
> DAI Confessions:
> 
> To avoid romancing Solas I **have** to play as another race... if I play as an elf [which is my cannon] I get suckered in every time.


	17. Memories That Haunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of this chapter contains violence that could possibly be triggering. This fanfic is tagged accordingly.

**A pair of large hazel green eyes were wide in fear as they looked down at her. The face of Winslow's mother contorted in fear as angry loud knocks were coming from the door to their tiny shack. Winslow could feel hot tears falling down her face and her whole body trembled with her fear. Her mother's hair was a very pale blonde that was almost the same color as snow or clouds on a clear day. Her tiny hands fisted into it to force her to look at her.**

**"Mama what do they want?" she asked.**

**Hers mother's voice was choked as she replied, "They want me little one. When they get in you must stay out of the way and not try to stop them."**

**As if to emphasize that they were indeed going to enter, a blow hit the door so hard that it cracked down the middle. Her mother pulled her close to her chest, "I love you Winslow. I am not and have not been perfect in this life, but you are the one thing I am proud of and the best thing I ever did."**

**"By order of the Chantry we are entering apostate!" a loud male voice shouted through the crack in the door.**

**Her mother kissed her forehead and then shoved her tiny body under the only table in the room. "Stay down and close your eyes little one," she said.**

**Winslow squeezed her eyes shut tight as the door caved inwards as a boot smashed through it. Her ears heard the distinct sounds of clattering metal and footsteps as templars rushed into the room.**

**"Please, I will go peacefully," she heard her mother plead.**

**"As if there is another option mage," a man said angrily, "Make sure she can't fight. It's much easier if we clip their wings before we bring them in."**

**There was silence for a moment and then a scream tore from her mother's lips. Winslow remembered she needed to keep her eyes closed so she brought her tiny hands up to cover her eyes. Tears of fear and anguish slipped between her tiny fingers as listened to soft whimpers and moans of pain come from her mother. The sounds of them beating and breaking her were like knives in her ears...**

"Winnie wake up!" a familiar voice pleaded with her and Winslow gasped heavily as she shot up in her bed. 

Sweat had plastered her blonde curls to the sides of her face and her forehead, and she was confused to see Josie sitting on the edge of her bed in her nightgown. The Antivan woman looked terrified. 

"Are you okay? You were screaming and crying in your sleep," Josie said with concern. 

Winslow focused on remembering and then stilled. She had not had that particular nightmare, or memory, since she was on her own. She felt extremely self conscious as her embarrassment over the situation set in. 

"I'm sorry I woke you Josie. It was just and old nightmare of mine," she admitted with shame etched into every piece of her being. 

Josie's hand lifted and lightly brushed sweat dampened hair from her forehead, "Do you wish to speak of it?"

She shook her head slightly. Winslow had never spoke of those memories that haunted her dreams with anyone. Josie was a dear friend and her boss, but she couldn't imagine sharing that piece of herself with anyone. 

"Alright, well should you change your mind I am here. Try and get some sleep. Tomorrow morning we all meet to discuss the journey to Redcliffe and other important matters," she advised her gently. 

As she rose to return to her own bed, Winslow reached out and grabbed her tan wrist. "Thank you Josie. For everything," she said softly. 

**********

The next morning Winslow found herself at the war table trying very hard to focus. She had been unable to return to sleep and her body was angry at the deprivation of one of it's favorite past times. Levias was across the table from her as usual and the pull of his eyes on her made her glance up from her notes, but he was already looking away. Her body warmed up a bit and her fingers tingled. 

They had been training together everyday since that first day and the weeks had gone by quickly. He was easy to get along with and his patience with her was endearing. Somewhere in the midst of all this craziness she had found a comfort with him that she had never known. It was so easy to be around him and she felt perfectly normal simply being herself. Her experiences with male companionship before the Inquisition had been less than satisfactory. 

Levias started speaking and she forced her tired brain to focus. "Clearly Recliffe needs to be the priority. I need to meet with these mages and determine if they are willing to help," he said. 

"Agreed and you know I will go with you Herald," the Seeker said from her usual place by his side, "And I'm sure that Varric and Solas will not mind either."

"No Sera?" Levias asked her, but Winslow could hear a teasing note to his question. 

"Ugh, Maker no. That girl is good with neither magic or diplomacy," the Seeker groaned. 

"I'm glad you mentioned diplomacy actually because I was hoping that Winslow could accompany us as well," he said cautiously. 

Winslow was so surprised that her quill slipped from her writing hand, " _Me_?"

The same question appeared to be written all over the other advisor's faces, but Levias looked very serious. 

"Yes, _you_ Winslow," he repeated. 

"It makes sense," Josie acquiesced from beside her. 

Winslow couldn't help the very un-ladylike snort that escaped her, "Explain it to me please."

Strangely enough though it was Leliana who stepped forward and answered her question. "You work for and closely with our Ambassador, and more importantly you are a mage yourself. So not only is our chosen a mage, but he keeps his fellow mages in high regard. This will look good to them and perhaps make them less cautious," she explained. 

"So this is why she had to pick up the staff?" Cullen asked Levias. 

She glances at him and was distressed to find a slight shadow at his eyes again. When was the last time she had checked on him? She felt a rush of guilt. 

"You said yourself Commander that she needed to eventually, but yes I have been considering this since my return. There are few roads in Thedas that are clear anymore and I wanted her prepared," Levias explained matter of factly. 

Winslow was startled by a small trendil of betrayal that reached outward from her heart and seemed to branch out to the rest of her body. For the first time, she didn't see Levias, but instead she saw the Herald of Andraste moving a political piece that fit his agenda. She wondered if it showed on her face because his blue eyes had a worried look about them as he waited for her to reply to his request. 

"If you think it will help then I will go Herald," she finally replied. He physically flinched when the word _Herald_ left her lips, but her exhausted brain didn't allow her to care. It had figured out what it needed to know and what really should have been expected. 

She listened in silence as they also discussed a Gray Warden and The Chargers. It was determined that both leads should be followed up on while they were out and about. That put their estimated time out as roughly two and a half to three months give or take depending on the weather. They were going to set out the next day. 

Everyone else seemed to be moving on with the conversation as if nothing had shifted, but she was an internal storm at the prospect. She hadn't thought about how comfortable and safe she had started to feel at Haven. The thought of stepping outside again into the real world unsettled her even though she knew that was probably irrational. The meeting ended quicker than she expected and she flew to the sanctuary of her desk telling Josie that she would log the meeting notes before she left for tbe evening. 

Luckily, Minaeve was nowhere in sight and she could take a moment to sit at her desk with her nerves showing. That moment was cut short though by a knock on the door.

"Come in," she called gathering her wits and standing to address whatever noble or order that needed Josie's assistance. 

Her face showed a little shock at the sight of Cullen entering, "I'm sorry to intrude. I know you told Josephine you had work to do, but I wanted to check on you."

She raised an eyebrow at him, "Check on me?"

"Yes, you know that thing you did for me once," he said as he closed the door. 

Her guilt settled back into her chest again at his jibe, "Are you needing more of Adan's sleeping draught?"

His cheeks flushed, "I am low, but I've been spacing out the doses. How could you tell?"

"Your eyes," she said automatically, "I will collect some more for you before I leave."

"Thank you," he said, "but I came to see if you really wanted to go with the Herald? If not, I am the Commander and I have pull when it's needed. I can keep you safe here."

His wording seemed odd to her, but his face was nothing but sincere. "There is an importance to me going so I will. Thank you though and besides between your training and Levias' I should be able to handle myself," she said. 

"There will be death on your journey," he advised. 

"I'm no innocent Cullen. I have seen death before and taken a life when mine depended on it," she said. 

"With magic?" he asked. "I don't think you realize the difference between a body with a knife through the heart or burned to death by a mage's might," he said seriously. 

"You don't think I can handle it," she stated clearly. 

He stepped closer to her and placed a leather gloved hand on her shoulder, "I think you can handle anything you choose to Winslow. I would simply not see you go through any unnecessary pain."

Once again, she found his wording odd. They were friends, but she hadn't imagined he worried for her that much. "I appreciate the concern Cullen, but I am going," she said. 

He sighed heavily and dropped his hand, "Very well. I can see that you will not be swayed." He rubbed his leather fingers across his tired eyes. That was something she hadn't seen him do since her early days under his training. 

"I'm serious about that draught though," she promised. 

He nodded and considered something for a second before asking, "Dinner tonight?"

"I'd like that. I'll bring it with me. Tavern?" she asked back. 

"Tent. My tent," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck, "If that's alright?"

"Sure thing," she said as she felt herself smile, "I have some stuff to do for Josie before I leave and I need to pack a travel bag, but afterwards I can grab food and head down."

"I look forward to it," he said. 

**********

By the time she had finished work in the office, packed her travel belongings, bathed herself, visited Adan, got food from Flissa, and made it down to his tent she was exhausted. Her lack of sleep the night before was definitely working to make itself known. She hesitated for a moment outside his tent, but when Rylen waved merrily at her as he patrolled by she quickly ducked inside. 

The scene inside was very similar to last time and the familiarity of it was welcome. Cullen was sitting at his makeshift desk. He had on a red tunic and she thought it suited his coloring and eyes much better than the white. He rose quickly to help her with the bags of food and she gave him his potion as well. He had pulled another wooden chair up for her and she was relieved that she wouldn't have sit on his cot again. Less inappropriate thoughts that way. 

She took off her cloak so that she was just in her dark green knee length dress and black leggings. It was the only dress she owned or had ever owned that she remembered. She hadn't worn it until tonight much to Josie's dismay and she had figured that she mine as well break it in before she left. It was plain with long sleeves and laced up at the breasts. She also realized in her rush that she forgot to do something with her hair and the damp waves fell to just under her elbows. 

When she took a seat and looked up Cullen was frozen staring at her. "I know! It's all damp and a mess. I'm really thinking about hacking some of it off..." she rambled.

"Please don't," he said suddenly. "That is to say that it looks nice on you..." he trailed off. 

She smiled at the compliment and decided to return the favor, "Well, I think you look nice in red."

He smirked and her heart skipped a beat against her will, "I always wear red."

"Yes but not so causally," she said softly. 

An unexainable tension seemed to hang in the air between them as they ate their sandwhiches. It wasn't uncomfortable persay, but simply a heightened sense of awareness of him. The way he ate and drank, how large but steady his hands seemed to be, the scar on his upper lip, his smell, and the way his brown eyes kept meeting hers. 

"How old are you?" she asked suddenly breaking thier silence. 

He appeared startled, but answered, "I am thirty one. How old are you?"

"Twenty two or three... give or take," she replied. She had assumed that he was older than her, but not that much. She didn't know why, but it saddened her that he probably thought her childish. 

"Does that bother you?" he asked her. 

"No it's just that you must have a lot of experience," she said and then immediately blushed. "I mean with war and life. I'm sure I must seem very childish to you at times," she voiced her thoughts better. 

"Winslow, since we have met I have never once thought of you as a child," he said and she believed him. 

They chatted about small things and their work as they finished eating. When she was about asleep in her chair, he helped her put her cloak on and walked her to her cabin. At the door, he grabbed her arm lightly and looked her in the eye.

"Promise me that you will be careful while you are gone," he said. 

"I will Cullen. Now promise me you will rest," she urged. 

"I promise," he said.


	18. Let's Talk About Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** **throws a filler chapter into the mix** **

Winslow was ready to go before the sun came up. She had packed three tunics, two pairs of trousers, two pairs of small clothes, hygiene products, and fresh parchment with ink and quills for taking notes. She dressed herself in black trousers with a matching black tunic. Josie had surprised her with a light travel vest in a deep red with the symbol of the Inquisition on the breast pocket. She wouldn't be vain enough to admit it outloud, but Winslow thought it was fetching. 

She carefully brushed her hair and braided it down her back. Josie had awakened at that point and proceeded to take a matching red cloth and tie it around her head to keep her fine hairs back from her face while she was riding. Then the dramatic woman tied the ends in a small bow on the side of her head. Winslow had to admit that it looked pretty on her, but she also groaned about it.

"Josie, I won't be able to tie it as you did on the road," she complained. 

"You'll figure it out and if not then have Cassandra help you," Josie chided, "You are an Ambassador of the Inquisition and my personal assistant. Appearances are important my dear."

"Don't say it like that or you'll start sounding like Madame de Fer," Winslow said as she swatted the other woman away from her hair. 

Josie sniffed, "Please, as if she could ever do what I do."

"Don't worry, I'd much rather work with you," she said as she gave her friend a hug and felt her hug back. 

"Be safe out there Winnie and keep Levias level headed. We're all lost without him and I can't imagine anyone else I'd rather work with," she said in her Antivan accent. 

"We'll be fine and I'll remember all the diplomatic stuff you've taught me," she promised as they pulled away from one another. 

"You had better or I'll feed you to Leliana when you return," she warned her. 

**********

When she arrived at the stables with her bag the Seeker was waiting with a bored expression next to a black steed, Varric was astride a pony and writing on a piece of parchment intently, and Solas sat atop a sturdy white mare looking as if he was still asleep. 

"Hey there Goldy," Varric greeted her as he looked up from his writing.

"Goldy?" she asked. 

"Yep, that's you. 'Cause your hair's kinda like sunlight and your freckles just kinda give you a golden glow," he explained as if it was the most logical thing ever. 

A dark skinned man approached her from the stables. He had a kind enough face and appeared to recognize her. 

"Ah, you must be Ambassador Winslow," he said as he wiped his hands on a cloth. 

"I am and you must be Master Dennett," she returned. 

"That I am," he said, "The Commander came my way before I was even out of my cot this morning to pick a horse for you himself. He described you real good too. I knew it had to be you when I saw you."

He winked at her as if they were sharing in a private joke before he led her to a saddled brown and white speckled mare. She looked kind, but well muscled for speed if it came down to it. She got a weird feeling in her chest knowing that Cullen had picked her. She didn't know if she should find it sweet or controlling. 

"What's her name?" she asked Dennett. 

The horsemaster shrugged, "She doesn't have one. I guess you can name her whatever you want."

She led her new traveling companion out of the stalls and once she was near the others she began securing her travel bag to the saddle. She glanced at the others who had resumed their previous positions and realized what she was missing... her weapon. There was a dagger stuffed in each of her boots and one at her hip out of habit, but the staff she had been using had left with Levias every afternoon. 

"Ummmm... Solas," she said uncertainly. 

"Yes Winslow," he replied. 

"Should I take a staff?" she asked. 

"Now wouldn't it just be silly if you didn't?" a voice said from behind her and she turned to see Levias approaching. In one hand, he held the reins to a tall brown stallion and in the other he carried a staff. When he was close enough he held the staff out for her to take. 

It was made of a sturdy dark wood that smelled like the wilderness in the best of ways. The top of the staff held a bright red crystal inside a diamond shaped pattern that was decorated with gold painted leaves. The length of the staff also had a beautiful leaf pattern going down it. It felt perfect in the palm of her hand and she was excited to note that it was closer to her height. 

"You said that you wanted to see some of my work," he said as she stared at it intently. 

"You made this staff?" she asked incredulously. 

He shuffled his feet as if he was nervous, "I did. Do you like it?"

She felt tears prick into her eyes. No one had ever given her anything. Now she was given clothes, horses, and hand made weapons. She pushed her overwhelming feelings down, "It's perfect. Thank you."

He smiled that broad smile that she loved on him and she could almost get rid of the pain of betrayal from the day before... _almost_. He was a confusing person. With a practiced ease, he showed her how to tie her staff to her horse as well for easier travel. 

"You picked a fine mount," Levias praised her. 

"Actually Cullen... I mean the Commander picked her for me," she said. 

"Did he really?" Levias asked as he glanced her way. 

"Yep, I think he did a good job as well," she replied merrily. 

As they made their way away from Haven, Winslow felt eyes on her back. When she glanced back she saw Cullen standing a bit away from his troops watching them depart. She raised her hand in farewell and was pleased when he returned the gesture.

**********

It was plain to see that the others were used to traveling together. Their banter was light and easy and it made Winslow feel out of place. She had been afraid that when she left Haven she'd feel vunerable, but surprisingly she was enjoying the travel. With others to help her watch her back she was able to enjoy the view and being back on a horse. Better yet, a horse she didn't have to steal. 

When the snow gave way to greenery she really got excited. She slipped her cloak off her shoulders and enjoyed the feel of the sun on her skin. There was a beauty to be found in snow, but nothing could compare to lush woodlands and the scent of wildflowers in her opinion. She knew logically that this sense of peace she was feeling was temporary, but that didn't make it any less satisfying. 

When they took a short stop to rest the horses and snack on some rations for their midday meal she was happy to stretch her legs. She nibbled on the dried jerky that the Seeker had passed to her and wasn't brave enough to ask what kind of meat it was. They had stopped by a stream and she decided to remove her boots and socks and wade into the water a bit. She had always found moving, wild water soothing. 

Levias waded in beside her with a piece of jerky in hand as well, "Are you still mad at me?"

She looked at him and noticed that his shirt was unlaced a little and a glimpse of vallaslin around his collarbones was visible. She wondered how far down they went, "I'm not mad Levias. I just felt a little used."

He winced at her words, "I can understand that. I just hope you can understand that I really do care for _you_ as a person. That being said, a lot is riding on my... _our_... success and I will use what resources I can. I have to Winnie."

"I know that," she said as she bent down and washed her hands from where she had finished eating. 

"Plus, I really just wanted a reason to take you with me," he said as she straightened. 

"What the hahren and Seeker aren't lively enough for you?" she teased. 

He rolled his blue eyes, "Surprised are you?"

"Oh c'mon, I'm sure Varric's at least a highlight," she said. 

"True but he's still not you," Levias said softly. 

Something seemed to hang in the air between them at his words, but she didn't recognize what it was so she was unsure how to deal with it. "I'm still your falon," she finally said, "and I will be as long as you need me."

"Hmmmm... then I hope you're comfortable," he said with a wink. 

**********

The group decided that going to the Gray Warden's location first would be more time efficient. They spent a lot of time stopping off and on so that the Seeker and Levias could refer to their map. Winslow stayed silent for the most part, but occasionally Varric or Levias would pull her into a conversation. She honestly enjoyed Varric's wit, but Solas and the Seeker remained relatively closed off. 

It took four days for them to get close to the location that Leliana had marked on the map for them. Winslow was relieved when Levias mentioned that he should be located near a lake. She was feeling filthy from her sweat and she knew that her hair had to look terrible. 

Varric broke her from her day dreams of being clean when she heard him teasing and attempting to goad Solas. "So Chuckles did you always travel alone?" he asked. 

"Mostly," Solas replied, "but occasionally friends would accompany me on my travels."

"Oh really now," the dwarf said as he swiveled on his pony to look at Solas and wiggle his eyesbrows, "ever any _lady_ friends?"

"I have friends that are female Varric," Solas said without amusement. 

"So you're not a virgin hobo apostate?" Varric asked him. 

Levias started laughing and Winslow couldn't help but grin. "Really dwarf," the Seeker reprimanded with her tone. 

"What?" Varric asked defensively, "Consider it a friendly curiosity about the people I lay my head down around at night."

"I have known women before child of the stone," Solas answered with an impressively emotionless face. 

" _Women_ huh?" Varric said with wonder, "As in the plural?"

"As in more than you," the elf replied seriously. 

At that Winslow's laughter spilled out of her and Varric winked at her, "Well there's no need to be rude about it Chuckles. What about you our fearless leader? Did you go frolicking with any of the lady elves in your clan?"

Levias put his hand over his heart dramatically, "Elves do more than frolic sir dwarf and I'll have you know that I was a paragon of lust among my clan."

Varric laughed and the Seeker shook her head, but Winslow could see a smile on her lips. "Don't even think of asking me," she said shutting him down before he could start in on her. 

"Alright Seeker, be a kill joy," Varric said disappointedly, "What about you Goldy?"

She was suddenly hyper aware of Levias' eyes on her and a fear that her past could tarnish what the others thought of her tugged at her mind. That being said, she also doubted anyone would believe she was an innocent given what they knew of her past. 

"I know enough of men's hearts and desires," she replied cautiously. 

"Ever been in love?" he asked innocently. 

She giggled at his question and the Seeker turned to look at her critically, "Love is not a joke mage."

She was surprised by the Seeker's passion behind her words. "I know that Seeker, but I find amusement in the idea of me having it or experiencing it. I've read of it and I see the appeal, but I doubt it is something I will ever experience."

"Why?" Levias asked. 

She sighed in irritation, "It can be great yes, but it is also a weakness. To give a piece of your heart and independence to someone else and just _hope_ that they don't fuck it up is silliness. I'm perfectly content with not getting involved in that."

"That is called fear da'len," Solas said gently. 

"Maybe hahren, but fear is an instinct that keeps us alive," she countered. 

"True love is worth the risk of hurt and loss," the Seeker said somberly. 

The sound of moving water made them all fall silent as they drew up on a lake with a bubbling brook thag steamed off to the side. Across the lake she could see a cabin and a group of figures gathered outside. She couldn't tell what they were doing, but the sounds of a distant conversation reached her ears. 

"I think we found our warden," Levias said with relief, "It looks like he's training some recruits."

Winslow felt her eyes widen, "You can see that from here? Is that an elf thing?"

Solas chuckled, "Our eyesight and hearing are better than that of humans and dwarves."

She clicked her tongue and shook her head, "Youthful appearances and keener senses. Are there any other advantages you elves are hiding?"

"You did hear what I said about being a paragon of lust I hope," Levias joked and the Seeker groaned. 

"Men are the same regardless of their race it seems," she said.

Varric was snickering uncontrollably and the sound of it made Winslow's giggle return. "C'mon let's go get us a warden before Cassandra drowns us all in the lake," Levias said as he led the way towards the distant figures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> :)


	19. Naked Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** This chapter contains violence and a little bit of gore. This fic is rated/tagged appropriately. **
> 
> Also, I had Fenris/Isabella banter flashback with this chapter.
> 
> Let's face it, Fenris is sexy, broody, and angsty.
> 
> :-]

Levias led them across the lake and towards the group of men. At a closer range, Winslow could see that they were in fact training. They dismounted at a small ring of trees and started approaching on foot. She noticed that both Levias and Solas had grabbed their staves. Varric also slung his crossbow over his shoulder and the Seeker probably slept with her sword so she was always good to go. Winslow felt a little foolish for not grabbing her own staff as well, but her dagger at her hip and the ones tucked into her belt gave her some comfort. 

As they drew closer, she could see that one man with a dark beard and heavy armor seemed to be in charge. He was talking to the other men who were dressed in more humble armor as if he was their authority figure. 

"Alright recruits, this is what you've been training for," he was saying in a deep and grizzly sounding voice. 

Levias seemed to decide to stop him there by shouting, "Blackwall! Are you Warden Blackwall?"

The man gave Levias a hard look and glanced over the rest of them as if measuring them up, "And who's asking?"

"We are agents of the Inquisition and we are investigating the disappearance of the wardens," he was explaining when an arrow flew close by his head causing him to take a quick sidestep.

The bearded man raised his shield swiftly and the arrow sank into it with a _thunk_ sound. "Okay look we'll have to deal with this later. Right now we deal with these assholes," he said roughly as he pointed to a group of bandits that were descending on their location. 

This was what her training had been for, but she still felt panic flow through her. "Where is your staff Winnie?" Levias asked and then sighed at her blank stare. "Stay behind us," he directed her. 

Then the bandits reached them. The recruits with the warden were handling things well and Levias and the others were clearly used to working together. Varric shot bolts into them, Levias and Solas hit them with electricity and ice, and the Seeker was a force comparable to the dragon slaying stories about her past. Overall, Winslow was fascinated and felt extremely unneeded. 

As she was watching the bandits numbers dwindle quickly, she saw one slip around the trees to position himself behind Levias. Levias was completely absorbed in combat with another one and clearly had no idea that he was being targeted. There wasn't enough time to yell and stop it. So she acted. 

She removed the dagger from her waist and came up behind the bandit who had no idea she'd been watching him. As he lifted his sword behind high behind Levias' back, Winslow gracefully positioned herself behind him and skillfully slid her blade across his throat. She heard someone yell at them, but she couldn't tell what they said through her frenzy and desperation. Blood errupted from the man's throat spraying Levias' back and covering her hands in hot blood. Levias spun around to access the situation and his gaze landed on the dead bandit between them. 

The fighting seemed to have stopped around them as everyone was checking their injuries and each other. "I didn't see him at all," Levias said as he nudged the dead man with his foot, "Thanks."

"Anytime," Winslow said as her adrenaline still rushed through her veins. That had been close. 

Their party moved out of the way as the warden congratulated his recruits on their victory and they began to place the dead bodies into a pile to burn. The other three didn't look like they had even broken a sweat, but Levias' back and hair was covered in congealing blood and Winslow's hands and forearms as well. Levias groaned with disgust and began removing his battlemage coat. 

"I don't think that'll ever come out," he said woefully and she could see that the blood had soaked through to his undershirt as well. 

"I'm sorry," she said solemnly. 

"Don't be. I can replace the coat, but not myself," he said as he removed his soaked shirt and handed it her way, "Here wipe yourself off with it. It's not like it'll hurt it any."

She took the offered shirt without making a sound as her eyes scanned his chest. His vallaslin went all the way down to the waist of his pants in swirls and connecting patterns that matched the ones on his face. There was no chest hair to be seen, but plenty of toned muscle. It wasn't as much as a warrior like Cullen, but it was definitely enough to count. 

She cleared her throat and hastily tried to look at anything but him. Varric started laughing and she wanted to slap him across the face with the bloody shirt. 

"What's so funny Varric?" Levias asked, but thankfully the gray warden had found his way over to them. 

"Inquisition you say?" he asked Levias as he came up to them. He scanned them all over and Winslow felt uncomfortable when his eyes lingered on her longer than the others. 

"That's right," Levias said, "and we're investigating the disappearance of the wardens after the Divine's death. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"

It didn't take any skill with diplomacy to notice the rage that flashed onto the warden's face at his words, "Are you saying that the wardens had something to do with that?"

Levias shrugged, but Winslow knew him well enough by now to realize that he was _intentionally_ trying to get under the other man's skin. 

"No," the warden said with a shak of his head, "you're asking so you don't really know. Listen, wardens only serve one purpose: to stop blights. No blights around then no use for wardens as far as the worlds concerned."

"Then what are you doing out here?" Winslow asked him with a tilt of her head. 

Her experience with Josie and their work had paid off apparently because she could tell that her question unsettled him. He tried not to let it show, but she heard it in his answering tone and saw it in the shift in the air around him. He was lying and she _knew_ it. 

"Someone has to recruit and being inspriation," was all he replied. 

"Well this has been useless," Levias said, "It's been a pleasure Warden Blackwall, but you have given me nothing."

He turned away to start heading back to the horses when Blackwall stopped him. "Wait," he said, "wardens do not back down from a fight and if your trying to save the world then I would help."

Levias' marked hand crackled and flared as he held it up almost lazily to look at it. She barely noticed it on him anymore herself. "I suppose that is what we are trying to do," he said. 

**************

When they made camp by the lake that night, Blackwall was with them. It was a little odd having another person in the group and a stranger at that, but what really bothered her was that she just didn't trust him. She caught Solas glancing at him as well with worry in his eyes and she was willing to bet he didn't trust him either. That was interesting concept as well seeing as how Solas had made _her_ uneasy since that first day with the staff. 

Varric was seasoning and roasting a few rabbits and the smell was making her mouth water when the Seeker addressed her. "I'm going down a ways to get cleaned up. Would you like to go with me?" she asked her. 

They had camped close to the lake and there was a stream that seemed to flow off a ways that had places that offered privacy. "Maker yes!" she said hurriedly while she stole one of Cullen's favorite phrases in the process. 

She gathered her travel belongings and followed the other woman down the stream. Once they had gone far enough that overhanging rocks hid them from camp both women started stripping down. Always being on the move had taught Winslow to bath outdoors when necessary. She was extremely pleased that she had the soaps that Josie had spoiled her with that smelled like a wonderful combination of crystal grace and lavendar. 

She quickly and efficiently scrubbed down her clothes and small clothes, and then she went to work on her hair and body. 

"Your soap smells nice," the Seeker said. 

"Oh, thanks Seeker. Would you like to borrow it?" she asked as she held the bar out to the other woman. 

"Please call me Cassandra," the warrior said as she took the offered bar. She stilled as she was in mid movement.

"Is something wrong?" Winslow asked, "Oh please, please, _please_ don't tell me I have a leech on me! I hate leeches! They make my skin crawl just thinking about them."

Cassandra's eyes were locked on her underarm, but when she raised her arm and checked herself she didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. 

"You're hairless," Cassandra finally explained, "At first I just thought it was because your hair is so light, but you actually don't have any."

"Ummm, well is that a problem?" she asked with confusion. 

"Not necessarily. It just isn't normal for a human," Cassandra answered as she took the soap from Winslow and began scrubbing her own body. 

Without being able to control herself, Winslow scanned the other woman's body. She could see a dusting of hair on her legs, a dark patch between her legs, and some peeking out from under both of her underarms. 

"Who is it normal for then?" she asked. 

"Only elves that I know of or those who are elf-blooded," Cassandra explained as she worked her fingers through her short dark hair. 

Winslow mulled over that information and rememberd Levias' bare chest. She worked on pulling a clean outfit her bag as she considered the comparison. "I have no memories of my father. Do you think he could have been an elf?" she asked the warrior. 

"If you don't remember your mother being elven, then yes. I believe it's highly likely," she answered. 

When Winslow settled down for the night in her bed roll, she looked up at the stars wistfully. Having elven blood didn't change anything that she thought about herself, but she knew that it might change how others saw her. There were plenty of elves and humans alike who would have a problem with the two races mixing. She tried to consider why none of the men who had seen her so exposed had never mentioned it. Granted her few encounters had been fumbled and rushed things, but surely someone else would've noticed. 

She brought her fingers up to trace the curve of her round ear and marveled at that. **_Why aren't my ears pointed?_** she asked herself. She made a mental note to herself to ask Levias about it the next day. Her heart recoiled a bit at the thought. Levias was extremely Dalish and she hoped that her possible mixed race wouldn't upset him. Ant any rate, as her eyes finally drifted closed for the night her mind recalled Cassandra's body hair and she actually felt pretty glad that didn't have any.

**************

The next stop was Redcliffe and it was determined that Blackwall would stay at the camp until they finished meeting with Fiona and then he could travel with them to the Storm Coast. Winslow had been correct when she'd told Josie that she'd be unable to get her hair right by herself, but she was thankful that Cassandra was indeed willing to help. She wouldn't have imagined that the stoic warrior could be so gentle with her or feminine in nature, but when she caught her resetting her own circular braid in her hair Winslow figured that explained it. 

The four companions were pretty content with silence as they made their way along the road to Redcliffe. It wasn't until they started getting closer that she became worried. 

"Why haven't we seen anyone else on the road?" she asked them, "I've never been to Redcliffe before, but it is pretty busy right?"

"It is not a huge town," Cassandra answered her question, "but it does well in trade especially from the fishing at the docks. You are right that it is suspicious that we see no one."

As if to signify the point, they came over a curved hill in the road and found an overturned wagon with two broken wheels. There were personal belongings strown across the road as if someone had made a very hasty departure. There was a shift in the air that only Levias, Solas, and she seemed to react to and Levias' mark lit up brightly. 

"There's a rift nearby," he supplied as an explanation. 

"That would explain it," Varric said as he drew his crossbow, "Bianca's excited."

Winslow felt her eyebrows rise and she choked back a laugh, "You named your crossbow Bianca?"

"Yep and it's the one story I'll never tell," he answered as he began dismounting his pony. She looked around and noticed the others were doing the same thing. 

"The horses don't do good around rifts or demons," Levias explained when he noticed her look. 

She dismounted from her own horse and patted her nose affectionately, "I still haven't forgotten that you need a name girl."

Solas approached her and removed her new staff from it's ties on her horse, "You need this with you this time."

He presented a piece of leather that looked a bit like a belt and showed her how to strap it across her shoulders and chest. He showed her how her staff slid into it and how to remove it. As she placed her staff comfortably she couldn't help but to ask him her burning question. Maybe he would be less offended than Levias because he wasn't Dalish. 

"If a human had a child with an elf would their ears be round or pointed?" she whispered lowly. 

She could tell that he wasn't anticipating such a question and she noticed his eyes flicker to Levias, "Such children are born with round ears as their human parent. Is there a reason you ask?"

"Just curiosity," she rushed and she quickly manoeuvred herself to Levias' side as they made their way down the hill and towards the gates of Redcliffe. They left the horses tied to trees near the abandoned wagon and Solas had placed protecting ice glyphs around them to ward off thieves. 

As the gates came into sight so did the rift. Winslow had not seen one before. She had been near the breach obviously because it had changed her, and she had read and filed their reports about the rifts. It looked just like a mini breach and it was swirling and a crackling sound could be heard coming from it as she got closer. 

Sudden movement caught her attention as a guard ran past them. She yelled behind her, "Stay away from the gates! No one's getting in or out because of that thing!"

"We certainly are," Levias said as he looked down at his glowing hand. 

"Does it hurt?" she asked. 

"Everytime," he said as he led them closer. 

Suddenly the rift flared and seemed to branch out. Fear and revulsion mixed in her stomach as demons appeared out of these branches. Big green spikey demons that smelled like a latrine ditch and looked slimy to the touch. Everyone drew their weapons and she reached for her staff almost mechanically. 

"Cassandra, you be unyielding force that I know you are. Solas barriers please as I would hate a close call to happen again like yesterday, and Varric stay back with Winnie. I want you two firing from a distance," he directed. 

Cassandra raised her sword and let out a daunting yell before she ran forward, a hazy blue glow sprung up around them all, and Solas and Levias followed Cassandra's approach. Winslow pushed her magic into her new staff and was surprised when fire shot out and hit the nearest demon. **_Red crystal must mean fire_** , she thought to herself. The demon made a shrieking sound of rage and turned to face her. With the blink of her eyes, the demon was suddenly moving toward her with an unnatural speed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to never have to shave... seriously. 
> 
> Sucks.


	20. The Best Laid Traps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **20 Chapters** posted! 
> 
> If you're still around and following thank you so much!

At first the demon turned slowly and then as it seemed to pass through some sort of barrier it sprang towards Winslow faster than she had ever seen anything move in her life. Relief flooded through her when there was a _thunk_ noise that reminded her of an arrow hitting wood and one of Varric's bolts sank into it's spikey foreheard. It made another horrible screeching sound before it seemed to be sucked back up into the rift. There was a moment of peace as she realized that all the demons were gone and then the rift seemed to branch out again. 

"Next wave," Varric explained nonchalantly at her side and she looked down at him in disbelief. 

"Because one wasn't enough," she said sarcastically. 

"You catch on quick Goldy," he jibed at her. 

She snorted in vague amusement. Only Varric would be able to get someone to make jokes at such a time. The barriers that Solas had thrown around them still seemed to be up, but Winslow could tell they looked a little faded. As more demons materialized she prayed to anyone listening that they would hold. She shot fireball after fireball into the demons. She also saw electricity and ice from Levias and Solas, but it wasn't nearly as often as her fire. It hit her that they were letting her practice. 

Cassandra was strong and deadly with her sword and shield. It sent a rush of feminine pride to her soul to see how capable she was on the battlefield. Before she knew it, the last demon was gone. Solas had frozen it completely when it seemed to slow down and Cassandra had been moving in slow motion as well as she bashed it causing it to shatter into a million pieces. It was amazing to watch and there was an intense humming sound as Levias connected his marked hand to the rist and closed it. 

Winslow was out of breath and recognized the feeling from her training of a slight mana depletion. "Is that normally how they are?" she asked the others. 

She caught that they all shared worried glances before Solas responded, "No, this rift was definitely different. It seemed to distort time itself."

She slipped her staff into the strap at her back as she spoke, "So that's what that was."

The sound of feet thumping on the ground brought their attention to the female guard who was running back towards them. "You did it! You closed that thing!" she shouted with her brown eyes wide with wonder. 

"Sure did kid," Varric said surprisingly taking control of the situation, "Now do us a favor amd go grab our horses and make sure that they're taken care of at the stables please." He skillfully flicked his wrist and gold coins were sent the guard's way. 

"Of course sir," the guard bowed and she hurried off to get their horses from the hill. 

"Um Solas, you might want to remove those wards," Winslow advised. 

The bald elf looked completely unaffected by the fight and his hand glowed a light blue color as he turned in the direction of the hill. "It is done," he said. 

"And you're going to have to help me master ice hahren because Cassandra smashing the one you froze was the best thing I've seen in a while," she said earnestly. 

"Is that a little blood lust I detect?" Levias teased. 

"Focus Herald," Cassandra said, "We need to get into Redcliffe and see what's going on here. That was unlike any rift we've seen thus far."

They hadn't made it very far past the gates when Winslow got a weird vibe. There were individuals lined all along the sides of the city walls and lots of chatter, but she just got an interal feeling of _wrongness_. An elven scout caught their attention as he approached them at a jog. 

"Herald," he said with a bow, "the situation here is much different than we thought."

"How so?" Cassandra asked impatiently. 

"You were not expected and the arl is gone," he replied. 

"Gone?" Cassandra asked with shock. 

"Yes, apparently the castle is under the control of a magister from Tevinter," he continued, "The mages are as well from what we have gathered."

Winslow's stomach dropped to her feet at the word _Tevinter_. If Tevinter was in Redcliffe then it was very possible that someone could recognize her. She had only delt with her Tevinter employer's lackies, but the thought was still terrifying. 

"This is not good," she said aloud. 

"Agreed," Levias said seriously. 

"In the meantime, you might speak with the former grand enchanter. She is at the local tavern," the scout said as he bowed and slipped away. 

**************

The tavern was surprisingly calm and still when they entered, but it seemed to be filled almost entirely with mages. As they piled through the door, the eyes of the mages stayed glued to them. So far all she had seen was circle mage attire and no Tevinter, but the palms of her hands were still sweaty. She had no idea how she was supposed to be ambassadorial help when she was feeling like she might vomit at any given moment. 

With the silent, calm bubble that was the tavern a single elven mage with short dark hair and blue eyes was waiting on their approach. This had to be the former grand enchanter. Levias nodded in her direction and led the way as they neared her. 

"The Herald of Andraste. What has brought you to Redcliffe?" Fiona asked in a thick Orlesian accent. 

"Is that a joke?" Levias asked, but his smile faltered as he saw how unamused the other mage looked. "You invited us to meet with you in Orlais. In order to discuss an alliance," he said firmly. 

Fiona appeared startled by his words, "I was not in Orlais recently nor have I spoken with you. I'm certain of it."

"It's true. I was there myself," Cassandra supplied as help. 

The former grand enchanter ran her fingers across her brow, "What you say makes me feel odd when I try to think about it. Whatever may be the case, the free mages can no longer offer such an alliance. We have pledged our loyalty to Tevinter."

"Well that's the dumbest thing I've heard all day," Winslow said very undiplomatically.

Fiona's eyes zoned in on her, "I'm sorry but who are you exactly?"

"This is Winslow. She is my ambassador for what was supposed to be negotiations," Levias said. 

"I'm sure you're good at your job then," Fiona said to her in what was probably meant as an insulting tone. 

She was surprised and thankful when Solas defended her. "Oh come now, it does not take a strong diplomat to know an alliance with Tevinter is a terrible idea," he said innocently enough. 

"I have done what I must for my people," Fiona objected. "If you have negotiations to make then you must speak with the magister," she continued in a slightly more dejected tone. 

As if on cue, the doors to the tavern flew open admitting a group in Tevinter mage attire. Winslow felt her whole body shake with fear. Levias stepped closer to her and she felt a sudden warmth as he placed a hand on the small of her back. **_Be calm_** his touch seemed to say, but every piece of her wanted to run or fight her way out of the building. 

"I appologize for being late my friends, but this was certainly an unexpected visit," the man who was clearly the magister said as he reached them. 

"We have come seeking the help of the mages to close the breach, but instead discover that they are pledged to the care of a magister," Levias said as he eyed the magister critically. 

In that moment, Winslow was so proud of him. He looked so in control and unafraid of this threat to them all. She sincerely hoped that all the fear she felt wasn't plastered on her face for all to see. 

"I must apologize again for lack of proper introduction. My name is Magister Gereon Alexius and I am the magister you speak of," he said with a ridiculously extravagant flourish of his hands, "and this is my son Felix."

He pointed to a young man at his side who seemed to be around Winslow's age and he also looked very ill. She was old enough to remember her time during the blight and famine, and the magister's son looked like he stepped out of those past struggles and into the present. Nice clothes didn't cover that up. 

"Since the mages cannot speak for themselves, would you be _willing_ to allow their assistance?" Levias asked through gritted teeth. 

"We might sit down and discuss what might be suitable for both parties," the magister said haughtily as he pointed to a nearby table. 

"You wouldn't mind if my ambassador joins us as well would you?" Levias asked while pointing at Winslow. 

"You are Lady Montilyet?" Magister Alexius asked skeptically. 

"No, my name is Winslow and I am Lady Montilyet's assistant. Do you know her?" she asked with a fair mixture of fear and curiosity. 

As they took their seats the magister answered with a deep laugh before replying. "You don't have to personally know anyone to know _of_ them as I'm sure you're aware Miss Winslow; although, I admit not knowing of you. An ambassador's assistant and a beautiful mage as well. Trust me, I would've loved to have been informed of you," he said as he leaned into his forearms which were resting on the table. 

Winslow's felt sick with disgust. Not only was this man an actual magister from Tevinter, but he was clearly old enough to be her father as well. Levias appeared just as bothered by the man's words. 

"That's flattering of you," Levias said sarcastically, "but please allow me to redirect you to the topic at hand. Tevinter or no, this hole in the sky threatens us all. Will you allow the mages to help us?"

"Yes, yes," Alexius said as he leaned back in his chair, "and how many mages would such an endeavor require?"

"As many as you can spare," Winslow replied, "and if you don't mind my asking where is the arl of Redcliffe?"

"Smart as well I see," Alexius said with a smirk, "He had to leave for a while to attend to some personal matters."

"I'm sure he did," Levias said shortly. 

Alexius waved to his son who was still standing with the rest of their party a couple of tables down, "Felix bring me a scroll please."

The younger man walked over and as he passed by Levias he stumbled. Levias instantly rose to help steady the other man. As they made contact with one another, Winslow noticed a look of surprise or startlement cross Levias' face, but he quickly covered it. If she didn't know him so well she might have missed it herself. 

"Felix are you alright?" Alexius asked with concern. 

"I am sorry," he apologized to Levias, "but I think I need to lie down."

The last part he had directed at his father who responded immediately, "Of course. We will return to the castle at once. This conversation will have to be finished at another time Herald."

Winslow noticed that Alexius supported his son's weight with a gentle and caring touch. From his attitude since they had arrived she wouldn't have thought him capable of such. 

"Fiona," he called to the mage, "we will require your assistance."

The former grand enchanter bowed dutifully in his direction and then they all departed the tavern. As soon as they left, life seemed to return to the tavern and the sound of voices started filling up the space that had been so fearfully quiet. 

"Well that was enlightening," Varric said with sarcasm as they all convened at the table. 

"I cannot believe that Fiona would make such a foolish alliance," Solas said venomously, "She is endangering the lives of all the mages who turned to her."

"I agree with Solas," Cassandra said, "If there wasn't fear of these rebel mages then there certainly will be now." 

Winslow was watching Levias as he unfolded a piece of paper in his hands. "What is it?" she asked him. 

"When Felix fell he slipped a note into my hand," he explained. 

"What does it say?" Cassandra asked eagerly. 

"It says 'Come to the Chantry. You are in great danger,'" he said and then shrugged, "It's probably a trap."

"Oh, it's definitely a trap," Varric said. 

Winslow saw Levias bite his lip in thought right at the spot where his vallaslin ran through it's fullness. "Trap or not we're going aren't we?" she asked him. 

He nodded at her as his big blue eyes glanced around the tavern, "We have to Winnie. It might be our only chance of possibly figuring out what's going on here."

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire," Varric joked. 

"I've heard that fried dwarf can be very filling," Winslow said. 

"Hey, watch it Goldy," he said sternly, "I was just starting to really enjoy your company."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished hand writing chapter 21 and I can't wait to get it edited and posted for you guys... 
> 
> It's definitely my favorite so far! :)


	21. I Believe You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned previously, this is my favorite chapter thus far. 
> 
> :)

As soon as they entered the Chantry, Winslow deeply regretted coming. It was another damnable rift and another Tevinter mage as well. More demons came out of this rift as well and once again time seemed to act strangely in certain patches around the rift. By the time Levias finally managed to seal it, she was covered in a foul smelling demon ichor and was sporting a deep gash on her left forearm. Solas' barrier had been shattered halfway through the second wave. 

One of the spikey and frog looking demons has managed to get it's claws on her at that point as she had passed through a patch that slowed her movements. She was guessing that there was some kind of poison or something of the like on it's claws because the burn from the wound was painfully unique. There were more important matters to attend to though and she focused her attention on her companions and the new mage. 

"That is extraordinary! You just wiggle your fingers and it closes huh?" the very tan mage said with a bright smile. His white teeth contrasted excellently with his tan skin and it made her think of Josie. 

"Who are you?" Levias asked pointedly. 

"Oh look at me!" the mage said dramatically, "Forgetting my manners. Introductions are most important. I am Dorian Pavus of House Pavus previously of Minrathous at your service." At that point he gave a flourish of his hands and a half bow. 

"Another Tevinter, be careful Herald," Cassandra warned. 

Dorian gave a light laugh, "I can tell we are going to get along splendidly."

"You sent the message through Alexius' son?" Winslow asked him. The world seemed to be tilting a little bit at this point and she felt slightly dizzy. 

"And who might you be my lovely? Why you are simply adorable! I was wondering when I would meet another creature nearly as attractive as myself in this primitive country," he said broadly. 

Winslow had to admit that through her foggy vision she could still tell that Dorian was very handsome. 

"Winslow is an ambassador for the Inquisition _and_ my friend," Levias said protectively as he stepped in front of her. 

"Oh I see," Dorian said with a wink, "I promise that you have nothing to worry about from the likes of me."

Winslow couldn't control the giggle that escaped her, "I like him."

Levias turned to her with raised eyebrows, "Are you okay Winnie?"

She nodded and took a step back. Her head was spinning wildly at this point and she was afraid that if she kept talking she would embarrass herself past the point of return. The others were all involved with the Tevinter mage and when she peeled her sleeve back to check her arm again she could see dark green veins seeming to extend out from the edges of the wound. **_That can't be good_** , she thought to herself. 

When Felix joined them again she tried to focus in again and she heard mention of a cult. 

"Vints and cults... who would've guessed?" she joked shakily. 

"Winslow are you feeling well?" Solas asked her as he suddenly appeared much closer to her than she remembered him being. 

"One of those _things_ got me hahren and I think it's fucking with me," she admitted as she swayed a bit on her feet. 

She felt cool hands on her arm and then a searing pain as he prodded her wound. "Owwww, shit that hurts!" she exclaimed. 

"What's happened?" Levias asked as his face appeared in front of her with concern. 

Another giggle escaped her and she brought her fingers up lightly to trace the vallaslin on the side of his face. "You're very handsome. Have I ever told you that?" she asked him in a hazy voice. 

"It's poison from the demon's claws," Solas explained. 

"Damn it Winnie! Why didn't you say something when I asked you?" Levias demanded with worried anger. 

"Obviously, my wit and charm distracted her from the pain," Dorian said smartly and when everyone but Winslow faced him with a piercing stare he managed to look contrite. "Not the time I suppose," he mumbled. 

"We need to get her back to Haven," Solas advised. 

"Is there nothing you can do for her Chuckles?" Varric asked. 

Solas sighed in irritation, "I can keep her _stable_ yes, but she needs a cure for the poison in her blood. Her best bet for that is with Minaeve and Adan."

Fear settled into Winslow's belly again at the thought of what his words meant, "Am I going to die?"

Before Solas could respond Levias steadied her by grabbing her shoulders and looking her in her unfocused eyes. "You are most certainly _not_ going to die. I will not allow that," he promised her. 

The last words she said before her knees gave out and the darkness and maddness claimed her were, "I believe you."

**************

**Everything hurt and she tried not to scream as every touch against her skin was searing. She felt her magic flow through her and in her desperation she reached for it. _Burn it all away_ , she thought desperately. Maybe if she burned the world down, including herself, then the pain would cease. **

**"She keeps reaching for her magic Solas. If she looses it she could become possessed or deal some serious damage," a worried voice said as it floated down from somewhere above her.**

**"I'm well aware ma falon. I can keep her sedated until I get her back to Haven. You have the warden now who can take my place, but please be cautious around him. There is something about him... " the answering voice trailed off.**

**"Or I can go with her," the first voice said with an almost pleading quality to it.**

**"No. You are the Herald and the work you do needs to be done by you where the people can see. Winslow understands that," the second voice said gently.**

**"I promised her," voice one spoke again with a new tone that saddened her even through her pain.**

**"I know you care for her," voice two continued, "and I suspect that she cares for you a great deal as well, but the duty of caring for the people always comes first. I can get her back and protect her along the way. _This_ is how you keep your promises on both ends."**

**There was a long pause after the second voice's passionate words. Winslow could feel sweat pouring down the sides of her face and they felt like shards of ice on her scourching skin.**

**"Very well," voice one finally answered, "I will send a raven ahead letting them know the situation. Perhaps they can already have the antidote ready for her... "**

**"Perhaps so and if not I will do my best to prolong her until it is. I give you my word," voice two said.**

**There was another heavier pause which seemed to be interrupted by a moaning sound. She felt a touch of annoyance and wanted to shout for whoever it was to shut up before she realized the sound was coming from herself. A gentle touch landed on her cheek and words were being whispered to her in a language that was familiar, but that she didn't understand.**

**A throat cleared and voice two said, "I will ready our horses."**

**There was a rustling sound and somehow, even with her eyes closed, she knew that her and person one were alone. For some reason, that comforted her and the moaning stopped.**

**"You can do this Winnie. You have to for me. I've never met anyone like you and if you leave me now my soul might never repair," voice one said sadly as their voice cracked on the last word. She wondered how someone could seem to care about her that much.**

**If she wasn't being held down by some invisible force, she would have jumped when ice cold lips pressed softly to her forehead. "I have never believed in the Maker, but if he brings you out of this I will gladly add him to my prayers," the voice whispered right next to her ear, "Be safe vhenan."**

**Her hands and arms refused to reach towards the one speaking to her and that created a new agony in her heart. She wanted to touch this person and say thank you for caring. Her body betrayed her though and she slipped further into darkness.**

************  
**********  
************

Sleep had been avoiding him as usual. The draught that Winslow had left Cullen did help, but he was trying so desperately not to replace one addiction with another. That wouldn't do any good at all. He had been surprised at how much her absence from Haven had actually affected him. He wasn't able to follow her with his eyes or just simply know that she was nearby. 

It was a foolish thing really and he should have known better. The last time that he had felt a pull like this to a woman it had been twisted and used against him. He recognized the signs within his mind and this was not the time or place. Not that it was that easy, but he still talked down to himself on the matter. 

He was watching Rylen direct the recruits through drills in the early morning light when a sound near the stables diverted his attention. He saw a rider with another horse tethered to his own. Cullen recognized that horse and when he saw a body laying across it's back he started running towards it.

When he got close enough, he could see Solas dismounting and the mage looked exhausted. "I used most of my mana reserves pushing the horses," he was telling Leliana in a terribly worn voice. 

"Minaeve has prepared an antidote. Josie has her room already settled for her recovery. We need to get her there quickly," Leliana was replying as his mind was frantically trying to piece everything together. 

"What has happened?" he demanded. 

Leliana's sharp eyes turned to him, "Winslow has received a poisoned injury from a rift demon in Redcliffe. The Herald sent word ahead and Minaeve has an antidote ready for her. Solas got her here as fast as he could."

His eyes nearly popped out of his head as he looked at the spymaster, "And Josephine knew apparently. Why was I not informed of the situation?"

Leliana gave him a knowing look, "Because it would've changed nothing Commander. Either she arrived here alive or dead. Your worry wouldn't have turned the tide."

"I'm an advisor for the Inquisition and I _will not_ be left out of important matters because of foolishness," he practically roared at her. 

"And is she important to you Commander?" Leliana asked. 

It had been a long time since Cullen had wanted to strike a woman and he fought back his anger at her words. "Enough of this," Solas said harshly, "If you continue this pissing contest she will die right here. I can tell you spymaster that she is important to the Herald and if she dies on your watch he will not forget it."

Cullen pulled away from them both and began untying her bundled form from the horses back. Once she was down and in his arms he set off towards her cabin without looking back to see if the other two were following. He heard a small whimper come from her and when he glanced at her, he found her beautiful hair plastered to the sides of her face and forehead. Her closed lids were red and puffy and the veins in her neck stood out vividly with a sickly blackish green coloring. 

He hastily kicked open the door when he arrived and he saw Minaeve and Josephine standing next to her bed on the right side of the room. Both women looked anxious as he approached. 

"Please lay her down Commander. I need to administer the antidote as soon as possible," Minaeve urged. 

"How fast will it work?" he asked as he complied with the mage's wishes. 

He didn't like the silence that followed his question so he stood and looked the elven mage in the eyes, "How long?"

She glanced at the floor and fidgeted nervously as she replied, "We don't know sir. Adan and I concocted it, but this will be the first usage."

Josephine gave a small sniffle and Cullen glanced to see tears on the normally composed woman's cheeks. 

"It will work if the Maker wills it," he said and he didn't know if he was reassuring the women or himself. 

Minaeve nodded determinedly, "Help me with her please."

Cullen gently helped hold her damp head up as the mage took a vial from Josephine that held a thick green substance within. They worked together to carefully coax her mouth open so she could slowly swallow the potion bit by bit.

When the last drop finally went down they all froze as if waiting for something to fall out of the sky. Instead, Cullen gasped when familiar hazel eyes opened. He would never find looking into her eyes boring. They were a mossy green with brown flecks that had intrigued him from that first encounter in that horrible dungeon cell. 

"Winslow?" he asked because he didn't know what else to say in that moment. 

Her eyes met his and then flashed with recognition, "Cullen?"

He had never heard his name sound sweeter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm going to throw in some Cullen perspective at intervals within the story. 
> 
> I was unsure at first but...
> 
> I liked it a lot.


	22. Guarded Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Winslow begins to discover the tangled webb she's in...

Winslow's eyes opened reluctantly as if they were angry at her for wanting to use them. They opened to stare at a familiar wooden ceiling and confusion clouded her mind. She remembered Tevinter mages and a blazing fire in her blood. Her neck strained as she turned it to find Cullen sitting in a chair next to her bed. He had clearly dozed off and was sleeping at an awkward angle. She struggled to process the situation. 

"Cullen," she said and immediately felt her throat crack in protest. 

It seemed to work though because his brown eyes opened in shock as he sat up quickly. "Winslow," he said while leaning towards her. He was wearing that red shirt she liked on him again. 

"How do you feel?" he asked softly as if she were a cornered or wounded animal, "Solas did not expect you to wake up for possibly another day or two."

She felt her brows scrunch together as she considered his words, "Why? How long have I been unconscious?"

He held a finger up to pause her for a moment and left her side. He returned with a wooden cup and gently sat on the edge of the bed beside her. A strong hand went under her upper back as he helped her sit up against the small piece of wood that passed for her headboard. She took the cup from him, which had water in it, and when it started to shake dangerously as she brought it to her lips his hand came out to help her steady it. 

"You've been out for two days. You were poisoned pretty severally by the claws of a demon from a rift. Solas rushed you back to Haven so you could receive the antidote. Without it you would've died," he finally explained as he returned to his chair and took the cup from her trembling hands. 

Her mind brought back memories of pain and burning bones. She cringed and looked at him woefully. "I remember some things. It was very painful. I feel like such an idiot," she admitted. 

"Why in Thedas is that?" he asked. 

"My first mission for the Inquisition and I almost die from a blasted demon's scratch Cullen. All that training was clearly wasted on me," she said just as bitterly as the weakness she felt. 

"Winslow, that could have easily been any of us. We're very lucky that Minaeve has been studying those creatures. Her and Adan have created several complex antidotes that _many_ of us will probably need before this mess is over," he said seriously. 

She glanced down at her hands and the nightgown that someone had put her in left her arms bare. There was a long, thick, white scar that now resided on her left forearm. A forever reminder of her close encounter with death. 

Cullen saw her staring at it, "Solas could not heal it all the way because of the damage the poison did. He was more than a little frustrated by it."

"Are battle scars attractive on women?" she asked humorlessly. 

"Any man with common sense will not be bothered by that scar," he told her sincerely. 

She glanced behind him and noticed that Josie's bed was empty and made up neatly. "Where has Josie been sleeping if you've stayed here?" she asked him. 

A pink tint appeared on his cheeks underneath a scatter of stubble and he rubbed the back of his neck. "I've not been here the whole time. Josephine has been with you at night and had taken care of your personal needs. Solas has monitored you during the day in between his own recovery, and I've been here in the afternoons," he explained. 

"Of course, I didn't mean anything by that. You have no obligation to me. Thank you for watching over me when you could," she said hurriedly. 

"I would've been here more if I could, but I also didn't want anything improper to be mentioned," he said in that tone that she always believed. 

"Where are Levias and the others?" she asked as a way of getting out of a possible conversation that she was in no shape to handle at that moment. 

"The last correspondence was yesterday morning. They made it to the Storm Coast and the Herald was worried for you," he said as his face darkened and he shifted in his seat. 

"He is a good friend. I hate that I scared you all," she said with regret. 

"That's enough," Cullen said firmly and her eyes snapped to his face. "Stop apologizing," he explained, "for something that you had no control of and will now help us save lives in the future."

He stared her down until she gave a small nod, "Okay."

She started to move in the bed to position herself to where she could get up, but Cullen immediately objected. "I don't know that you should be moving just yet," he said hastily, "Solas and Minaeve expect you to be quite weak at first."

"Cullen... I won't know until I try. Imagine if it was you. Would you want to be trapped in bed relying on others to do for you?" she asked playing on his independence. 

His face gave away his answer. "Just let me try to get up. I won't do more that would harm me and at least you're here with me if I can't," she urged. 

He gave a reluctant nod and seemed to hover on the edge of his chair. She gave a small smile and carefully pulled the blankets back. Her nightgown only went halfway down her thighs and she blushed at having so much skin exposed in front of him. When she glanced at him, he was purposefully staring intently at the wall behind her head. 

"I didn't realize I was so exposed. Is this okay?" she asked him as she blushed impossibly darker. 

He cleared his throat, but kept his careful gaze steady, "It's alright."

Ignoring her sudden bashfullness, she focused on swinging her pale legs over the edge of the bed. When they were finally there she wiggled her toes and tried to brace herself mentally. She felt like she could do it mentally, but physically was going to be the deal breaker. She pushed off the bed with her arms and was pleased to find herself standing. 

"See, no worries Commander," she said, but when she took a step she felt her knees begin to buckle. 

Before she could hit the ground, she found herself wrapped up in his arms and being held firmly to his large chest. 

"I've got you," he said into her hair. 

He smelled just as good as she remembered and her skin broke out in goosebumps at their proximity. She knew she should be more worried about her health in that moment, but instead she found her mind entirely centered on the man holding her. A man who would certainly not have the same internal reaction for her that she was having for him. **_Oh this is bad_** , she thought to herself. 

"Thank you," she said outloud and into his strong chest, "I really thought I could do it."

"In time you will," he said gently and then his strong arms were underneath her bare legs and he was holding her in his arms. Winslow was a petite woman, but she was still impressed. It was momentary though as they were still right next to her bed so he didn't have far to go to put her back into it. 

"Are you hungry?" he asked as she settled herself in again. 

As soon as the word _hungry_ left his lips, her stomach growled loudly giving her away, but also managing to break her from her spell. 

He gave a small laugh that she found attractive as could be. "If you promise to behave and stay in this bed until I return then I will get us some dinner," he said. 

"I can manage that," she replied. 

She tried not to stare as he wrapped a cloak around himself before he headed out. As the door shut behind him she physically shook her head. She wasn't sure what was in that antidote, but it had clearly addled her brain. The Commander was a good friend and off limits to the likes of her. Plus, there was Levias to consider. She wasn't entirely sure how she felt about him just yet. 

**_What is wrong with you girl_** , she chided herself, **_you nearly die and are struggling to even walk and you're worried about men? Get it together_**!

**************

The next three days consisted of Winslow getting herself up again and some of her strength back. The first time that she saw Solas after she awoke she had thrown her weak arms around him in a hug and thanked him for saving her life. He hadn't been too comfortable with the physical contact and the light pat that she received on her back had been awkward to say the least. Cullen continued to dine with her in the evenings and she was learning ton control her newfound and irrational crush on him. On his end, if he noticed any difference in her he didn't acknowledge it in word or action. 

After about a week, she was back to helping Josie in the office. She was still banned from training in the mornings by both Solas and Cullen, but it was still good to have some work to do again. She had also written a letter to Levias so that he wouldn't worry and promised him that she was on the mend. There had been no response back yet, but she found heraelf missing his company again. She had no idea what to think about that either and was debating with herself internally as to if she wanted to get Josie's advice or not. 

The problem with that was that she was clearly making a big deal out of nothing. It was impossible for her to believe that either of these amazing men could possibky return her feelings much less that she was worthy of them. Josie was her friend, but also very understanding of social aspects such as reputations and social status. She didn't want to put her in the position to say things that would force her to hurt her feelings. 

One afternoon, Winslow was walking down to the lake to stretch her legs when Solas met her at the gates. "Do you mind if I walk with you?" he asked her. 

"Sure thing," she said casually, "I'm just heading down to the lake."

They walked silently side-by-side and she couldn't help it when her eyes involuntarily wandered toward the soldiers in an effort to find Cullen. It was unsure to her if Solas noticed or not, but his next question made her think it was possible. 

"You and the Herald sre very fond of each other are you not?" he asked. 

"I would hope that we are," she responded while keeping her eyes carefully focused on the path she was making in the snow. 

"I would say so. He was extremely worried when you were injured and it took some convincing on my end to have him allow me to bring you back instead of himself," he said. 

Her mind floated to a distant conversation that she remembered hearing through her pain as they reached the edge of the frozen lake. 

"I think that I remember that conversation actually," she admitted to him. 

Solas nodded, "Levias comes from a very different social and economic structure than yourself."

She tried to piece together where he was going with this, but she was coming up blank. "Is this because I'm human?" she asked. 

He clasped his hands behind his back as he chuckled and not for the first time she imagined his bald head was cold. "Well, you are not entirely human are you da'len?" he asked slyly. 

Her eyes flashed to his smirking face, "My question gave it away?"

"No, that was actually your bare arms and underarms. When I was tending to your wound I noticed them. Of course, that was also after I had already scanned your womb with my magic and determined you were not with child," he replied. 

"You thought I was pregnant?" she asked with shock. 

"Of course," he admitted, "You asked such a question of me and you two are very close. I found it very much possible that you had been intimate with each other."

"Not that it's any of your business, but we have not," she said. 

"I have gathered as much since then," he acknowledged. 

"I don't know for sure that I am Solas. I have some memories of my mother and I don't recall her being elven, but I have nothing on my father. So that's my possibility and I wouldn't have even known that myself if Cassandra hadn't explained that hairlessness in certain places is an elven trait. Which I'm perfectly okay with by the way," she said with a rush to get it all out. It was certainly odd discussing it with Solas of all people, but it was easing her mind slightly. 

"I would say you are definitely elf-blooded," he said after a moment's silence, "There are other things that give it away as well from the shape of your eyes and your height to the way you carry yourself. I would even go so far as the say that it might be why he finds himself so drawn to you when no _human_ has attracted him before."

She considered it as well. "Maybe it would explain my pull to him as well?" she asked. 

"Perhaps but sometimes two people's auras simply call to each other as yours do," he said. 

"What do you mean?" she asked him bluntly. 

"The way that you two are able to share and link magic is unique in a way. Not all mages can do that as you discovered when you and I tried. As for those who do so effortlessly and efficiently... well it is a gift of sorts. The Dalish certainly regard it as such at least. To them, you could even say it is spiritual," he explained. 

She sighed as she watched the loweing sun reflect off of the frozen lake. "That does sound romantic and I'm sure because Levias is Dalish he sees it that way," she said. 

"And how do you see it?" Solas asked. 

Her thoughts drifted to Cullen as she responded, "I think that there are possibly many types of connections in this life. I don't know that any are meant for me or even worth the risk, but they're there. I can't deny that hahren."

"You are so young to be so guarded," he said with a sigh. 

"Guarded has kept me safe Solas. I have paid heavy prices before when I have not been," she confessed to him. 

She turned to him and looked up at his angular face, "What is the point of this conversation?"

"Honestly, it is to give you advice," he said with a kind and understanding look, "This is a perilous task before us all and especially Levias. Distractions could be deadly so before any leaps are taken be sure you are both _truly_ ready for the fall."

The depth of his words sank into her skin and she wanted to protest to him that she was not the kind of woman who took blind leaps, but her heart advised her to simply nod and accept his wisdom. 

He glanced at the skyline, "I should not keep you, but thank you for talking and listening to me."

"Thank you for the concern Solas," she shifted from one foot to another as her memory brought back something else, "One more question? What does vhe..non mean?"

He raised a single eyebrow at her question, "Vhenan is an elven endearment. It means _heart_ or _love_ depending on the context."

**_Oh boy_** , she thought to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple of chapters will be filler and more tangling, but it'll all make sense eventually.


	23. A Golden Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains gore, violence, and PTSD related issues. This fic is rated M for Mature.

**_Winslow found herself in a cold stone hallway. She had no recollection of traveling there, she just suddenly was. She shivered as cold air hit her skin and sunk into her thin nightgown. Even though no one was to be seen, she covered her chest protectively to hide it's reaction to the cold. Goosebumps spread across her flesh and she contemplated what she should do._ **

**_The sound of laughter met her ears and she began moving down the hallway towards it. The hallway was curved and as she rounded a corner her eyes saw bodies strown across her bath. She gasped at the sight and her hand flew to cover her mouth. She neared the closest one and realized it was in templar armor. The man's face was frozen in terror and his body was covered in blood. There was blood everywhere in fact. It covered the floors and the walls in vivid splashes._ **

**_The further she went down the hall, she started to recognize the bodies of circle mages as well. There were some rooms that branched off the hallways that were either empty or contained more gore and devastation at a glance. She was too terrified to even consider opening the closed doors. There was no telling what horrors they might hold. She kept hearing laughter off and on and when she came to a set of large double doors at the end of the hallway she knew that whoever she was hearing had to be behind them._ **

**_She took a deep breath and glanced down to brace herself and she noticed that her bare feet were dyed red from the blood she had walked through. There were bloody footprints behind her showing the path she had walked. Driven by an urge to get away from the horrible scene she slipped through the door and made her way up the small flight of stairs behind it._ **

**_She was not ready at all for the sight that met her. It was a medium sized room or chamber that held another flight of stairs with a huge set of doors at the top. At the bottom of the stairs was a large glowing dome that seemed to hold a man within it. He had his blonde head down over his hands in prayer._ **

**_"Blessed are those who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are... " prayed a voice that she would surely recognize anywhere._ **

**_"Cullen?" she asked in a shaky voice._ **

**_His brown eyes met hers through the glow of his cage and she noticed that he looked younger. He also looked thinner as if he was slightly starved and his templar armor hung off his collar a bit as if loose._ **

**_"I had considered when you would start taking her form," his voice said bitterly._ **

**_She was confused by his words and stepped closer as she spoke, "I don't understand. What is this place?"_ **

**_"You should know demon! You put me here!" he yelled and sprayed spit with a venomous look._ **

**_"Demon? I'm no demon and I have no idea where we are, how I got here, or what is happening," she said with true fear at his look. She had never imagined he could look at her like that._ **

**_"Sure and next you'll start stripping her body and teasing me and then when I refuse you the torture will come," he said dejectedly._ **

**_She scoffed angrily at him, "I'm not getting naked for anyone."_ **

**_"Oh but you want to my pet," said a voice behind her and she jumped and spun around with fright._ **

**_A purple skinned, womanly-shaped creature stood before her. It floated about a hands width above the ground and had curved horns on the sides of it's bare head. Her body was naked and draped only in small gold chains to accent sensuous curves. Bright red eyes seemed to stare down into her soul and she instinctively took a step back._ **

**_"What are you?" she asked it._ **

**_It gave a laugh and she realized that was the sound she had been following. "I'm called desire," it said as it ran a hand up it's body seductively to cup a large breast._ **

**_"You're a demon," she said decisively._ **

**_"Call me what you will child, but I can give you all that you desire," it said in a smooth tone._ **

**_She was scared to turn her back to it so she spoke over her shoulder to Cullen, "Are we in the fade?"_ **

**_"Don't play the innocent with me," he hissed in response and she didn't have to see his face to know it was drawn in hate._ **

**_She reached for her magic and formed a ball of fire in her palm, "Listen here bitch, I don't know if this is the fade or just a bad nightmare, but either way Cullen and I both are leaving."_ **

**_"Really," the younger Cullen behind her protested._ **

**_"Yes really!" she shouted, "Even if you're being a dick I am still not leaving you like this."_ **

**_"He's never been able to break the cage before girl," the demon taunted, "I'm unsure what makes you think you are so special."_ **

**_"I don't think I'm special at all," she replied as she threw her fireball in the demon's face. It shrieked in pain and then it was on her, pushing her up against the cold stone wall. Her blood stained feet left the stone floor and she kicked them furiously._ **

**_She reached for more magic and made her skin spark with electricity, but still the demon hold on and laughed. "Oh yes... give me more little mage! This is my realm and I can feed off your divine energy!" the demon yelled as it tightened it's grip further._ **

**_She didn't know if she could die in this place, but it seemed likely with as real as the attack felt. Suddenly, the demon's eyes widened in alarm and Winslow looked down to see a sword tip sticking out from between the demon's breasts. The front of her white nightgown was now splattered with black blood, but the hold on her throat loosened and then disappeared as the demon fell._ **

**_Cullen appeared into her sight and he hastily reached out to hold her up. Winslow pulled in big gulps of air and rested her head and hands on his breastplate. A metal clad hand reached up to rub her back and she slowly felt herself returning to the moment and her body._ **

**_"Are you alright?" he asked her._ **

**_She nodded against his armor and then leaned back to look up at him. Although he was younger here he didn't look like her Cullen. He actually looked more lined and worn, but it was possible that torture and torment could do that to a person. _ **

**_"I've been better," she admitted, "but what about you? Cullen, what is this?"_ **

**_His hands drifted down to rest on her waist and she left her own hands on his metal chest. "This is my memory turned nightmare. The reason I struggle with sleep so much. It had gone away for a while, but when I stopped... " he suddenly seemed to catch himself going somewhere he obviously didn't want to with his words._ **

**_" This actually happened?" she asked with shock, "You lived through this?"_ **

**_He nodded with a blank look on his face, "I did and it changed me almost entirely. The demon was right though; that is the first time I've broken through the barrier. So thank you for that."_ **

**_Her brow furrowed, "It feels real. I mean clearly it's a memory of yours, but I believe for some reason I'm sharing it with you."_ **

**_Concern changed his features again, "If this is true Winslow, you have a gift that few mages do and it can be very dangerous. You could be much easier prey for demons."_ **

**_She couldn't help the eyeroll and childish footstomp that escaped her, "Of course because I couldn't just be your regular garden variety type of dangerous possibilities mage."_ **

**_His lips twitched with mirth and she noticed that the scar that she loved wasn't there yet in this memory._ **

**_"But of course," he said with a slightly jesting tone, "were you not aware that you are a golden rose in a patch of turnips?"_ **

**_She giggled and was amazed that she could do so after and amid such horror, but as always he made her feel less afraid. Before she could respond to him, she felt a tug and knew that she was being pulled back into reality...._ **

**_**********_ **

Winslow awoke to Minaeve wanting to assess her recovery. The other mage poked and prodded, and by the time she finally left her she had a vial of Winslow's blood and a lock of her hair. Josie had watched the whole exchange with amusement and she felt betrayed. 

"So I guess this means I'm unrestricted now and I can go back to training," she said with cheer. 

"Perhaps tomorrow Winnie," Josie said from in front of their mirror as she braided her dark silken hair into perfection, "The Herald is supposed to return today or tomorrow and we will be busy making arrangements and decisions."

Winslow pulled her green dress on over her black leggings as she answered, "I forgot about that. Sorry Josie, my days have blurred together a bit since I got back."

Josie turned to face her and gave her a soft smile, "That's understandable." She stood and her golden ruffles shook as she waved her over to the mirror, "Come, let me fix your hair."

Winslow went and sat in the chair in front of the mirror as Josie went to work on her tangled locks. Her touch was soothing and after everything she'd just seen, Winslow appreciated it. 

"I'm glad to see you're finally wearing the dress I got you," Josie praised. 

"I've worn it once before," Winslow defended as her mind wandered to a warm tent, scarred lip, and dark red material against slightly golden tanned skin. 

"I used to love doing my sister's hair for her," Josie said as she was completely unaware that Winslow's mind had left them momentarily. 

She pulled herself back into the room and glanced at Josie's reflection while she worked, "I'm sure she loved it and misses you Josie."

"Well, I would love to do yours whenever you'll let me. It's simply gorgeous," Josie said wistfully as she patted her finished product and stepped aside so that Winslow could investigate.

She had brushed it until it shimmered and put it in a tight braid. The braid had then been bound into a loose bun at the nape of her neck and the fine curls on the sides of her face and forehead had been left loose. The effect was flattering and Winslow felt... _pretty_.

"You approve," Josie stated as she watched Winslow's reaction. 

"It's perfect Josie. Thank you," she said as she bit her lower lip nervously, "Before we get to work do you mind if I take care of something personal?"

"Of course not," Josie replied. 

"Thanks," Winslow said as she stood and went to get her black knee high boots, "I'll be quick. Give me an hour and I'll be yours."

************  
** **********  
********** 

_Another mage_ , Cullen thought to himself as he walked the rows of practicing soldiers. As if his feelings for Surana hadn't caused him enough grief he had to go and develop stronger ones for a different mage. Now, to top it all off, that mage had seen the darkest part of him and she had been able to end it with humor. He didn't know if that should surprise him more or the fact that she had actually joined him in his dream. 

That was a rare and powerful gift. He needed to convince her to discuss it with Solas as soon as possible. He palmed the hilt of his sheathed sword with worry. She was so young to be going through so much and he had meant what he said when he had told her that he never saw her as a child, but the combination of her youth and his growing affection gave him a strong urge to protect her. 

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't see her coming until she was right in front of him. She looked lovely as always and adorable wrapped up in her dark cloak with the fur lined hood. Her hair was done up differently, but he loved the soft curls against her face. 

"What are you doing down here Winslow?" he asked much harsher than he intended too. 

Her face fell, but he noticed her shoulders straighten in that way they did when she was bracing herself. "Don't you think we should talk?" she asked him. 

He glanced around and noticed that Rylen was watching them with a smirk that he didn't like at all. "We should," he admitted, "but now is not the time."

She bit her bottom lip and glanced down. He wanted to reach out and tug her lip out from her teeth with his thumb... to see if it was as soft as it looked and to see if her body would respond to his touch. 

" _Promise_ me that we will Cullen," she said softly so that no one else could hear. Her lovely eyes pleaded with him and he prided himself on being a strong-willed man, but he knew she was a deadly weakness. 

"I promise we will, but for now we both have work to do," he replied. 

Her eyes darted between his for a second before she nodded. "I'll hold you to that Commander," she said in a louder tone. "The Herald should be back today or tomorrow according to the latest reports as I'm sure you know," she continued, "So the Ambassador and I will be busy with preparations, but should you need me I'm sure you'll find me. Also, Minaeve finally cleared me for physical activity as well. I'd like to return to my training at your convenience."

"Aren't the Herald or Solas more equipped for that?" he asked a little bitterly. It had hurt his pride when she had started training with them even though he knew that it was irrational. 

"I think I can learn to balance my time Commander," she said evenly. 

A smile tugged at his lips at her conviction, "Very well, once things have settled then."

"Good," she said and a smile lit up her beautiful face and he felt a fierce satisfaction that he put it there. "I think we'll all feel better once the Herald returns and we can get plans set in motion," she said. 

His thoughts darkened with a surpressed fury and the thought of the Herald. He knew _logically_ that he had no right to his anger, but it seemed that such things were thrown out when it came to her. 

"Yes," he said with careful control, "I have been most anxious to speak with the Herald once he returns."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> :)


	24. Forewarned From Under A Desk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cullen confronts Levias.

Preparations were pretty much ready for whatever way the Inquisition decided to turn the tide. Josie compiled an extensive list of contacts and allies or potential allies for the advisors to review. Winslow had the requisitions in order with the gruding help of Threnn. They were now just waiting on Levias to return for decisions to be made. Once one was made, she was aware, as they all were, that it would be a gruelling few days deciding tactics. 

She hadn't been able to have that conversation with Cullen yet either regarding his nightmare, but whenever they crossed paths he smiled at her and it would send her heart fluttering. It was completely irrational and apparently uncontrollable. At the end of the second day, when everyone expected the party back and they weren't, worry descended. 

It was nearing dinner time and Josie's pacing in the office was driving Winslow to maddness. "Josie you're going to wear a hole in that expensive rug that you had sent all the way from Antiva," she said irritably. 

"They are supposed to be back by now!" Josie yelled with an uncharacteristic snap to her tone. 

Winslow tried her best to answer in a calm and soothing tone, "I know Josie, but they have more people travelling with them now and none of the scouts have reported anything suspicious."

When she continued to pace, Winslow tried a different tactic, "Why don't you go relax. Have a bath drawn for yourself. I'm going to be here a while longer so you'll have the space to yourself."

She felt a rush of satisfaction when she saw her friend's shoulders relax from their tense position. "That sounds lovely Winnie. Are you sure you don't mind?" Josie asked her. 

"I'm absolutely sure," Winslow insisted. 

Minaeve stood up from her work with a big stretch, "You two do what you want, but I'm done for the day."

They both gave her a polite farewell and then Josie regarded her seriously. "Please don't work too late," she said. 

"I won't Josie. Besides everything is pretty much done," Winslow assured her. 

After a few more encouragements, Winslow finally got her friend out the door and on her way to relaxation. She tieded up a few things and made sure all the desks were presentable. That was really hard to do in Minaeve's work area, but the woman had saved her life so Winslow didn't mind. Her stomach started growling and she was just about to head out the office door when she heard a sound on the other side of the door. It was a familiar voice calling out. 

"Herald!" she heard and placed it as Cullen's voice. 

She heard the muffled sound of clanking armor and realized he was approaching the door that she guessed Levias was standing on the other side of.

"Commander, good to see you! I was just going to check on Winnie," his warm voice answered from just the other side of the door. She backed away hastily expecting him to swing it open at any moment. 

She heard Cullen respond much closer to the door now as well, "Your arrival back is late Herald. More than likely, she is already in for the night. I'm sure that you are ready to rest as well, but if you don't mind maybe we could use this office to speak privately."

She could hear the surprise in Levias' voice as he answered, "Of course we can talk, I suppose I did forget how late it was as well."

The door started to open and Winslow made a split second decision when she swiftly hid herself under Josie's desk and out of sight. She placed a hand over her mouth to muffle her breathing and heard the sounds of them entering the room. After a minute, she determined that Cullen was sitting at her desk and Levias on the bench beside it. She didn't know what her plan would've been if they'd tried to sit at Josie's desk. 

"I can guess what this is about," Levias' voice broke the silence. 

"Can you?" Cullen asked, but she caught an unfamiliar edge to his voice. 

"Winnie's injury," Levias stated matter of factly. She rolled her eyes. She couldn't imagine Cullen doing such a thing. 

"Perhaps you meant her near death," Cullen answered severely. She almosy gasped out loud. This seemed like dangerous territory all the way around. 

"Don't assume that I haven't kicked myself everyday for it, but it also is a part of our duty Commander," Levias said evenly, "It was pure accident and it could have been any of us there. If I could have taken the cut myself then I would have. I'm assuming that you've read the reports about the time disturbances in those rifts?"

It was a very close mirror to the words that Cullen had said to her when she first awoke from her injury, but that seemed to matter little to him now. "So I'm aware, but I want you to be aware that if you had not pushed her before she was ready then this wouldn't have happened," Cullen stated with a slightly raised tone. 

"It was important that an Ambassador was present," Levias said in a much icier tone than she had ever heard him use. 

"That's horse shit and you know it," Cullen countered aggressively, "You _wanted_ her with you so you moved the pieces to your advantage simply because you had the power to do so and she's too kind and willing to prove herself to say no."

"Are you done Commander?" Levias asked in a clipped tone. 

"Just about," Cullen replied with a deathly calm voice, "Simply keep this in mind if you truly care about Winslow: she has been through more than you and I could ever comprehend as a child; that has led to trust issues with others and certainly herself; if you want her to go somewhere with you as an Ambassador _or_ as a friend you ask first; and if she leaves with you I expect her brought back in the same condition she left in."

There was a still silence in the room and she hated it. She could only imagine what their respective faces looked like and she was terrified that this encounter would affect the two men's working relationship. The last thing the Inquisition needed was two of it's most powerful members in discord over her of all things. 

"I think we have an understanding of each other Commander," Levias said finally breaking the intense silence. 

"Good. We can't let this affect our work, but I needed to make myself clear," Cullen said and she heard a scraping sound as he stood. 

"Oh Commander, I see you very clearly in this moment and I hope you see me as well," Levias said in a challenging tone. 

She heard Cullen give a heavy sigh. "This is no competition Levias. Winslow may do as she pleases. I simply want you to give her the value, respect, and protection she deserves," he said. 

There was a muffled clapping sound and she had a mental image of the two men shaking hands. 

"Are we good?" Levias asked. 

"As good as anyone can be in these times," Cullen answered. 

The sounds of the men leaving the office reached her under the desk and when the door clicked shut behind them she let out a long deep breath. She knew that she could get up now, but her mind and body just didn't want to do that. There was a part of her that was extremely touched by Cullen's words, but then another part of her was wounded. Her female pride and sense of independence had taken a hit. 

It was clear to her that Cullen thought she was a weak woman and childish as well. He had told her that he didn't see her that way, but this made her doubt the honesty of his words. She finally found her way out from under the desk and in a daze she collected her cloak and made her way towards her bed. She was done for the day. 

No one stopped her on her way and it wasn't until she stepped through the door that she remembered she hadn't eaten. The old familiar pains of hunger tightened her stomach, but she pushed it aside as only a once starved child knew how. 

"There you are," Josie said brightly from her bed and Winslow turned to see her with her hair freshly braided like a little girl in two dark cords on either side of her face. She had tucked herself into bed with a quill and paper. 

"Still working I see?" Winslow found the effort to tease. 

"Journaling actually," Josie said shyly, "I'm keeping a record of my personal experiences during my time with the Inquisition."

"That's not a bad idea," she said as she pulled her cloak and boots off and threw herself down on top of her covers. "Levias is back," she added as she stared up blankly at the rafters above them. 

"How do you know?" Josie asked excitedly. 

"I heard some conversation on my way here," she said in a half truth. 

"Then we must rest! Tomorrow will undoubtedly be a big day," Josie buzzed with excitement. 

"Yep, it should be interesting," Winslow said. 

**************

Winslow found herself in between Cullen and Josie as usual in the war room with Levias and Cassandra opposite of them. Leliana stuck to her corner as usual and Winslow was studiously avoiding making eye contact with either of the men. She had chosen to wear a plain brown tunic and matching leather pants and boots. Josie had been kind enough to make her hair into the lovely braided bun again, but she knew that didn't take away the rings around her eyes. 

She did however feel an immense rush of pride when she looked at the war map. Josie and she had spent hours the past few days updating it and marking it to reflect the information from the scouts and Levias' reports for the field. The care and effort showed. The map was impressive. 

"So we now have a warden and The Iron Bull," Cassandra said. 

"And don't forget, we also have the Bull's Chargers," Levias added. 

Winslow kept her eyes on her notes as they talked and tried to make as little noise as possible with her quill. "Yes and they are a fine group. He's trained his men well. There's a lot that our soliders can learn from them. Well done Herald," Cullen complimented.

"Now we need to decide who to ally with," Leliana said lightly from her corner. 

"I believe that the templars can still be reasoned with if you're willing to meet them at Therinfall Redoubt with support from our current allies," Cullen said firmly. 

"We need _power_ Commander," Cassandra said as if she doubted the templars understood what that meant. 

"You say that as if I don't know what it is to _be_ a templar," Cullen argued with passion and Winslow could practically feel him bursting with irritation beside her, "They have power and are perhaps the only ones that have enough of it and the knowledge to _suppress_ the magic from the breach so that the Herald can close it."

"Pure speculation," Leliana said calmly. 

Cullen snorted and she saw his gloved hand rest on the hilt of his sword out of the corner of her eye. "In case you haven't noticed Leliana, all we have at this point is speculations."

Levias interjected before more arguments could be made, "This is irrelevant as I've already made up my mind."

"And what is our course of action Herald?" Josie asked professionally. 

"We seek out the mages," Levias said confidently, "I will not leave my fellow mages in the clutches of Tevinter much less all of Redcliffe."

"The magister did send an invitation for continued negotiations," Leliana supplied helpfully. 

"Which is clearly a trap," Cullen said with angered sarcasm. 

"Without a doubt Commander," Levias said as he clasped his hands behind his back reminding her of Solas, "but this time magic needs to be taken seriously."

Cullen leaned forward and rested his palms on the edge of the war table, "I understand that and I fear it's affects as well, but Redcliffe castle is a _fortress_."

Levias cleared his throat pointedly, "Yes, well that's the part I was hoping you could all help me with."

"There might be a way," Leliana said, "There is an escape route for the family that only a few know of."

Cullen's head lifted from where he had been leaning and looking at the map, "That just might work. If the Herald accepted the invite, went in as a distraction, and your scouts could help my soldiers get into place via the hidden passages."

Cassandra nodded in agreement with the plan, "It'll be tough and it's risky, but it's our best bet."

"And I think I have something that will help," Levias added and he turned around and opened the door. He made a hand motion to someone in the hall and the Tevinter mage from Redcliffe entered the room. 

He glanced around the room and them and then he smiled as if he noticed a hidden joke. "Don't worry, I have arrived to solve all your little problems," he said with that same dramatic flare that she recalled from their first encounter. He was clearly something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't **super** pleased with this chapter, but it will do. The next chapter will be much better. It's not my favorite, but I'm excited for it. It should be up early next week. 
> 
> Thanks for reading if you're still around!
> 
> **:-)**


	25. Poking The Lion And Blasting The Bull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some **angst** for your Tuesday. 
> 
> Rest assured that it won't last forever. 
> 
> //Cullen and Winslow won't always see each other clearly, but that's okay. We get to see them both.//

Cassandra looked exasperated and Cullen came off as aggitated by Dorian's appearance. "What is the meaning of this Herald?" he demanded. 

Winslow noted that Dorian's eyes honed in on Cullen with interest. "Calm down Commander," Levias said with obvious irritation, "Dorian has close ties to the magister in question and has agreed to help us despite the damage that might deal him with his country men."

"My reputation was already in tatters I'll have you know," Dorian said conversationally, "So don't go getting all sentimental."

"He is Tevinter," Cullen said with an edge. 

"Which is precisely why his help is needed," Josie explained, "Plus it will be an advantage on our distraction plan."

"I can be _extremely_ distracting," Dorian said proudly to Josie and then his eyes travelled to Winslow and he gasped. "My dear, it is so good to see you recovered! We beauties are in short supply and I was dreadfully afraid you were going to die the last time I saw you," he directed at her. 

She gave him a slow smile, "Don't worry about that. I have no intention on repeating the incident anytime soon."

"So the magister will travel with you," Cullen redirected as he grudgingly pointed Dorian's way. The mage winced at being called a magister. "Who else do you intend to take with you?" he asked. 

Levias kept his blue eyes on the map as he responded, "Cassandra as always, Solas, and I believe that The Iron Bull would be a good addition as well."

"The huge quanri brute?" Dorian asked with excitement, "Oh yes, he will be perfect! Alexius will absolutely shit himself at the sight of him!"

"That's settled then," Cullen said as he began to move pieces on the map to start strategizing. 

"I was also going to invite Winslow along as ambassador if she _wanted_ to go," Levias said with a slight hint of hesitation as his blue eyes finally looked up and landed on her across the table. 

She felt uncomfortable as everyone in the room regarded her and she hesitated. She honestly didn't want to go for several reasons. She could start with having almost died the last mission and end with wanting to avoid as many Tevinter natives as possible. She had a terrible feeling that her secret could be exposed. 

That being considered, she also didn't want to give either Levias or Cullen a sense of satisfaction or justification by her staying or going. She was still upset with both of them. In the end though, her self-preservation won out. 

"I think that I should stay here Herald unless you insist upon my going. I'm just now getting my strength back," she said lamely and playing upon his guilt with her words. 

Levias' face fell, but he seemed eager to assure her, "That's fine Winslow. I will not force you to go out again."

"You did not _force_ me to do anything Herald," she said sternly, "I'm a free woman and if I am asked in the future I may travel with you again, but this is not the mission for me."

"You and I are going to get along splendidly," Dorian said as he winked at her from across the table. She smiled and blushed a little. Her memory of his attractiveness didn't do him justice. He wasn't appealing to her in the way that Cullen was, but it was still nice to have an attractive man flirt with her. 

The conversation among the group turned to strategy after that. Winslow avoided contact with Levias and Cullen as best she could and both men seemed so preoccupied that if they noticed then they quickly forgot. She took detailed notations of all ideas presented and then final plans. The advisors, plus Dorian and Winslow, stayed in the way council until the sun was sinking for the day. 

When the meeting was finally dismissed, she declined Levias' invitation for dinner at the tavern and as he pulled away she felt a stab of guilt. In her opinon, it really was for the best. As everyone filed out of the room, she began tidying up and organizing her notes for the next day's work. Josie promised her that a bath would be waiting for her in their space. 

Winslow noted her own ink stained hands and fingers, and she thanked her friend sincerely. She didn't even realize that she was alone with Cullen until he cleared his throat in an attempt to get her attention. "I'm sorry Commander. Did you need something else?" she asked politely. 

"I was wondering jf you'd like to talk now?" he asked with clear confusion at her closed off face. 

"We're fine. I will try to stay out of your dreams in the fade. Your secretes are your own and I will not share what I have seen," she responded professionally. 

His brow crinkled and it tugged at her heart, but she was determined to stand firm. "Have I done something wrong Winslow?" he asked. 

She almost lied, but instead she allowed her anger to tip over. "I heard you conversation with the Herald yesterday," she admitted with ice in her tone. 

"What conver... " he started to ask and then it seemed to click, "How?"

"I hid under Josie's desk," she said, "and I know that I shouldn't have. A part of me wishes I hadn't actually. I never would've guessed that you thought so little of me."

"Little of you?" he repeated with a lost look, "How in the Maker's name did you come to that conclusion?"

"Oh, I don't know _Commander_. Maybe it's because Levias clearly thought he knew what was best for me and _manipulated_ me into a favorable position for himself. It could also be because _you_ would attempt to do the same. You told me that you do not consider me a child and then behind my back discuss me as if I am one!" she said in a rush of contempt. 

If she was expecting him to look contrite that was not what she received. She instead got a taste of his own anger. "Are you serious? I'm trying to _protect_ you!" he yelled at her. 

"By belittling me behind my back? Try again Cullen. Just because I am female doesn't mean I am weak. My past didn't break me and I have taken care of myself perfectly fine all these years. I am very grateful for the opportunity you provided me here, but please never confuse that with a dependence on you or anyone else," she said heatedly. 

At this point, she was really hoping that no one was standing outside the door... or in the Chantry at all really. She was sure they could probably hear their shouting if they were. 

"That's what you think?" he asked incredulously, "You think that I think _less_ of you for being a woman?"

Her jaw tensed with her anger and she gabe him a curt nod as a response. He stepped closer to his edge of the war table and leaned in. "Now you listen here Winslow, I have been surrounded by strong women my whole life so I'm perfectly capable of seeing what your worth is. I knew the Hero of Fereldan personally and she gave her life in one of the bravest acts of sacrifice this world has ever seen, _and_ I stood by Hake's side as she fought for the mages in Kirkwall. I'll be damned if I'm not the only male advisor in this merry bunch we have put together and I have just as many fiercly dedicated female soldiers as I do male. So no, I can't speak for the Herald on this matter, but I did not give him that dress-down because I think you are a weak, childish woman. I did that because, fool that I am, I _care_ for you and your safety and protection are important to me," he said and when he finished saying his peace he turned and exited the room leaving her alone. 

She was left to stand there dumbstruck and desperately trying to see how she had gone so wrong. **_I care for you_** , repeatedly bounced around her brain until she felt like she couldn't take it anymore. She abandoned the idea of tyding up and quickly slipped from the war room to the office to stow away her work for the night. 

She she headed for the Chantry doors bundled up, a sophisticated voice addressed her. "You know my dear it really is in bad taste to air your business so freely," Vivienne said as she stepped into Winslow's view. 

With her patience worn thin and her stomach growling in hunger, Winslow snapped at the upity mage, "Listening to other people's conversations isn't exactly in good taste either."

"When said people shout at each other like barbarians it is impossible not to listen," Vivienne replied delicately as she folded her hands in front of her. 

"I'm sure you're very amused. Good day Madame de Fer," Winslow said as she turned away and rushed out into the cold. A couple of people called out to her, but she ignored them and kept her mind on her sanctuary. Her promised bath was waiting for her and as she sunk into the rune-warmed water she finally let her tears of frustration fall. 

**************

Winslow was not one to wallow in misery. That would get her nowhere with anyone and least of all herself. When she was living on the streets, anytime she messed up a job or got caught stealing her stomach and pride paid the price. Going hungry for days on end and then loosing a chance at a meal because of a mistake was a more painful experience for her in a lot of ways than hunger pains. She decided that her situation with Cullen was similar in a manner: she had to push on. 

The next morning, she was up before dawn and prepared herself for training while pushing aside her emotional discomfort and anxiety. She pulled her freshly washed hair up in a hasty bun, put on a plain black set of training clothes, and rinsed her mouth out. She refused to check herself in the mirror as she tied her boots up and strapped her staff onto her back. 

She left her cloak behind because she had every intention of breaking a sweat. Rylen waved at her as she passed the tents, but other than that there reslly wasn't any movement or anyone else around. With her staff still on her back, she started to run around the edge of the lake. The size of the lake had never hit her until she decided to run around it.

When she finally completed her lap, the sun was coming up over the edge of the horizon and Levias was waiting for her to come to a stop. "Why'd you leave your staff on?" he asked when she was finally close enough to him. 

"I'm... trying to adjust... to carrying it," she told her through gasps for air. 

"Makes sense," he said with a nod, "are you up for some magic time?"

"Okay," she said. 

She was still a little upset about his and Cullen's conversation, but in hindsight she knew that he had already apologized for tricking her on their travels and he didn't _ask_ for Cullen to get so personal with him. As they hit dummy after dummy with spells her eyes kept drifting to the Commander's usual post amid his men and when she finally saw him appear she sighed in relief. 

"You are really getting a hang on ice Winnie," Levias said proudly as she completely froze a dummy. "I've always been shit with that element, but I knew you could do it," he praised. 

"Thanks," she said with pride in her tone as well. 

"Are we okay Winnie?" he asked as he looked down at her through his dark lashes and it gave her a feeling of deja vu. It reminded her of Cullen the night before. 

"Of course," she attempted to sooth. 

"My guilt is heavy," he said honestly, "I feel like I'm responsible for what happened to you."

She sighed, "Levias, it's _not_ your fault. Shit, it's not _my_ fault. It just happened and I lived."

"It should've been me that stayed by your side," he said to her as he moved closer. Her heartbeat sped up and she could feel his warmth even though he wasn't physically touching her. This was attraction and she could identify it clearly now. This attraction didn't have the same intoxicating and consuming pull as what she felt for Cullen, but she couldn't deny it's presence.

"You have bigger responsibilities than me," she said softly. 

" _Still_ ," he said as he reached up and pushed a damp curl behind her ear, "I wanted to be with you."

She grabbed the wrist of his unmarked hand and rubbed her hand down his arm to his elbow, "You did the right thing."

She watched his marked throat work as a tenseness filled the air that recognized from her few encounters with men. He desired her and part of her desired him too, but she knew it would probably not mean for her what it would mean to him. She didn't know that she would ever be able to feel those types of feelings. To her, they only existed in fanatsy worlds like the ones Varric created. 

"I should get to the office," she said as she released his arm and drew back, "There's much to do before you all leave. Thanks for the company though. I needed to begin training once more."

He nodded at her, but he still looked a little dazed, "Tomorrow?"

"Sure thing," she replied as she turned and headed back to the gates. She felt Cullen's eyes one her as she passed his and Rylen's position. She didn't know if he'd seen the exchange between Levias and her, but she still carefully avoided looking his direction. 

She was absorbed in _not_ paying attention and so when someone called out to her it startled her. "Hey miss! Do you know where the tavern is?" a big voice bellowed as a tall shadow loomed up and over her. 

When she turned around, a huge horned man stood in frong of her with an eye patch over one socket. He was barechested and freckled with scars. Her eyes had to be as big as saucers and ahe thought she saw a trace of amusement on his foreign face as he watched her reaction. 

"I'm _The_ Iron Bull," he said in a calmer voice, but when he started to reach his hand out to her she still reacted with fear. 

She instinctively reached for her magic and felt the strangest pressure build up rapidly underneath her skin. She didn't know what she was doing, but she did know that she didn't want this man to touch her. The pressure quickly reached and apex and before his hand was all the way extended to her, it burst forth from her body in a relieving blast of force. The quanri's uncovered eye widened in surprise before his feet were lifted off the ground and he was sent hurtling through the air and snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments keep me going. 
> 
> You're all lovely. 
> 
> <3


	26. Magic Shite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.

Winslow blasting The Iron Bull quite a distance was all people seemed to talk about for days on end. The mages were rather impressed that she managed to move the large qunari in that manner and the templars and everyone else seemed more nervous around her. Apparently Sera, who she had yet to even converse with, had been on a very loud rant about _magic shite_ and Winslow being an example of it's dangers. 

Josie had assured her that her job was still secure and that talk would die down eventually. If anything, the Ambassador had joked that this would have others take them more seriously in her presence. The Iron Bull himself had laughed the whole event off and with a wink from his good eye informed Winslow that she owed him a drink. She had yet to offer her apologetic drink as she was just too mortified and was admittedly avoiding Sera who seemed to live in the tavern. 

Cullen had not spoken to her in days and he was clearly avoiding making contact with her when they crossed paths. It was killing her because she felt that the rift between them was partly her fault. She refused to take complete responsibility for the situation, but she could recognize and identify her own mistakes. 

She also decided a few days after that confrontational day that she should probably heed his concern about her newfound ability to walk in another's dream. There had thus far been no other instances of her invading another's dreams, but with magic it was better safe than sorry. 

That would be why she found herself knocking on Solas' door one night after dinner. The sun had already set and only torch light made it possible to see the snow covered paths. Noise from the tavern reached her and she could only imagine how annoying that might be for someone like him. There was a sound of shuffling from within and then the door opened revealing Solas. 

"Winslow," he said with a touch of subdued confusion, "how are you this evening?"

"Good, I'm good. I hope you're doing good as well," she said awkwardly as she stood on his doorstep. 

He moved aside, "Would you like to come in?"

"Thanks," she said as she moved past him and took in her surroundings. His cabin was smaller than the space she shared with Josie, but he had made it somewhat _homey_. A desk was scattered with books and notes, his shuttered windows had herbs and drying plants that hung from the frames, and there was a steady fire going in his small fireplace. 

He gathered the chair from by his desk and sat on it while he indicated that she should sit on the bed. It was a totally different experience than sitting on Cullen's cot. There were no inappropriate thoughts that tried to take over. She continued to feel awkward though as she folded her hands in her lap. 

"You do not have to provide pretense with me," he said calmly, "I know that this is not simply a social visit da'len."

She tried to swallow down her nerves before she responded. "Something has happened and it has been brought to my attention that it could be dangerous," she said. 

He leaned back in his chair and displayed an appearance of polite interest, "Start from the beginning."

So she did just that. She explained how she had ended up in Cullen's dream, but she left out any information of what she had witnessed. She explained that Cullen confirmed in the real world that they had shared the experience, and then how he had warned her how rare and dangerous it could be. As she spoke, he had started to lean forward in his chair and as he listened to her his face became more and more interested if his face was anything to go off of.

When she finally finished, he said one word with a look of wonder on his face, " _Somniari_."

"Ummmm... what?" she asked with confusion. 

He cleared his throat and leaned back again, "It is Tevene and it means dreamer. The Commander is right in that it is an extremely rare gift. Have you had such experiences before?"

She shook her head, "Nope. I mean dreams... yes, but nothing like this and it hasn't occured again since that night either."

"I am a dreamer as well Winslow," he said, "With your permission, I can seek you out in the fade and help you practice control."

"Is that neccessary?" she asked with discomfort at the idea of someone invading her mind. 

"No," he said reluctantly, "but I do think it would be the best way for me to help you learn to avoid and banish the demons that could attempt to harm you."

"I will... think on it," she said politely. 

"Very well, but promise me that you will seek me out if it gets worse," he said as he looked her in the eye. When she nodded in return he continued, "And know that if you are in the fade and need help you can call for me. If I am in the fade as well, I will come to you."

She assured him that she would do so and then after a few pleasantries she made her leave. Have was settled and other than the tavern evey dwelling or tent was calm. She settled into bed and gave Josie a kind goodnight. 

**************

**_Her dreams were wild and scattered that night. She dreamed of bloody footprints and broken templar shields. Then she was in a beautiful field of wildflowers. She could hear singing in a different language and even though she didn't understand the words, she felt the wonder and beauty of the song flow through her. Suddenly, the singing stopped and a woman's high pitched scream reached her ears and broke the sudden peacefulness of the field._ **

**_She ran because her instincts told her that she needed to. The field seemed to stretch on forever, but as she rain the grass shriveled up and died. The flowers were replaced with the hard crunch of skeletal remains and they cut open her sensitive feet. The muscles in her toned legs screamed in protest, but still she pushed on. There was no telling how long she ran in this new nightmare of her own, and right before she finally jerked awake, she heard the loud and long sad howl of a wild wolf._ **

**__**********_ _ ** ____

__Almost two whole weeks of Cullen avoiding her. Granted considering that they worked for the same organization it was impossible, but he definitely tried. She was worried that this would be unfixable and she had hated that she had no reference point to use to try and mend the situation. Most of her time, when not working, was spent training with Levias or by herself when he was busy. Occasionally, Solas or Dorian would join them and Winslow had to admit that it was odd to have so many friends and especially mages._ _

__Levias finally set out for Redcliffe with Cassandra, Solas, The Iron Bull, and Dorian. She knew that she would miss her friend, but she was also beyond glad that she could avoid the Tevinters. The only one she didn't mind was Dorian, but as far as Tevinters go he was just so inherently different. With them gone, she found herself lonely._ _

__Without Cullen to talk to and Josie so obsessed with her work, Winslow's free time was a tad empty feeling. Which was why on the third evening of boredom she decided to make her way to the tavern for dinner. She even managed to convince Josie that it was a good idea and the Antivan woman fussed a bit, but when they entered Winslow saw her friend's face lighten up. It also occurred to her that she was no longer completely anxious about the crowd either. Times had certainly changed for her._ _

__After they had ordered their food and Flissa bounced away, the two women observed their surroundings. The crown had definitely grown since the last time she had been there with Cullen, but she supposed that was a good sign that Levias' work was being fruitful._ _

__"I just love a busy tavern!" Josie said with a squeal as they watched The Chargers flirt and tease Flissa from a couple of tables away. She also saw a blonde cropped head with pointy ears that she assumed was Sera from the descriptions in the reports. She sincerely hoped the Red Jenny wouldn't ruin her night out._ _

__"I used to be terrified of them," she confessed to her friend, "So many people pressed together and too many reaching hands, but I'm learning that it's different here."_ _

__Josie's dark eyes looked sympathetic, "I can only imagine, but you are right. We strive to make Haven different... _safer_. You're a part of that Winnie."_ _

__"A very small part," she said dismissively._ _

__"Cullen works hard at controlling and leading his men by example and Leliana simply strikes fear into everyone she meets," Josie said. She must have made a face at Cullen's name though because Josie noticed something was off._ _

__"Speaking of the Commander has something happened between you two?" she asked her._ _

__Flissa arrived with their soup and ale giving Winslow a moment to decide how to proceed. Josie had been nothing but kind to her so she decided to proceed with honesty. In between spoonfulls of soup and gulps of ale, she explained how she had hidden under her desk and the conversation she overheard. Then she described the conversation she'd had with Cullen after that, but she pointedly left out any mention of his nightmare. That story didn't belong to just her and she hadn't even given Solas details when asking for advice._ _

__Josie sat back in her chair and observed her when she bad finally finished. "That's quite a mess there Winnie," she said._ _

__She sighed in frustration, "I _know_ it Josie and I have no idea how to fix it. I am ashamed that I assumed that he thought those things about me, but then another piece of me feels justified. I am _not_ a child and I certainly don't need anyone speaking on my behalf."_ _

__"It is clear to me that both men care about you," Josie said softly admist the growl of the crowd._ _

__She blushed slightly, "I don't see why."_ _

__"You don't see why what?" a kind voice asked and she turned to see Varric hoisting himself into a chair at their table. He waved Flissa over and ordered a sandwhich, ale, and more ale for both the women. "Well... _why what_ Goldy?" he repeated. _ _

__"Mr. Tethras, so kind of you to join us, Winnie was just stating that she doesn't understand why anyone would care for her. Particularly men," Josie explained._ _

__Winslow shot daggers across the table at her friend with her eyes and mouthed the word ' **traitor** '. Varric waved his hand at Josie as he took a deep drink of his ale that Flissa had kindly delivered quickly. _ _

__"Please, Ambassador, call me Varric, and really Goldy... I mean you do own a mirror right?" he asked her jokingly._ _

__She felt a quick flash of anger at the author, "I have no desire for any man who only wants me for my body. I am tired of being used."_ _

__Understanding blossomed onto the dwarf's face, "I get thay Goldy. I didn't mean to offend you and I really don't think you have to worry about that here."_ _

__"Varric is right," Josie said speaking up, "Cullen cares for you because you are kind and determined. You are smart and above all you are a fighter which I'm sure he greatly admires."_ _

__"Wait... this is about _Curly_?" Varric asked with raised eyebrows. _ _

__Josie shot him a quick look before she moved on, "Look, if you want to try to mend things then do as we diplomats do: find a common ground. You just admitted that there's wrong on both sides and the Commander is a smart man. I'm sure he knows that too. Find something you both can enjoy while you get to the heart of the issue."_ _

__"I don't know the whole situation Ruffles, but that sounds like reasonable advice," Varric said._ _

__"That makes sense," she said reasonably._ _

__"See! No reason for long faces here," Varric said around a bit of his sandwhich as he waved over another round of ales. "Do you ladies know anything about wicked grace?" he asked mischievously._ _

__It turned out that Josie did and she was damn good at it. They both took it easy on Winslow as she had never played before and was slightly tipsy while learning the ropes. Varric swore she had good potential though and he eventually won some of his coin back from Josie after she started swaying in her seat from the alcohol. When it was close to midnight, he declared that he needed to get them safely to their abode before the other advisors banned him from them for promoting debauchery._ _

__Josie had broken into a fit of scandalized giggles at his words and the two women followed him to the door. As they were exiting someone entered and bumped into the wobbly Josie. The man held her up before she could fall and Winslow saw a dark beard and realized it was the warden Blackwall. The two of them apologized quickly and at the same time, and she could've swore that if Josie was pale enough she'd have been blushing. The sight of her friend's face and the look in her eyes while she looked up at the warden put her nerves on edge._ _

__As the two finally broke apart he moved around Josie andVarric met her eye and winked at her. She wished she could return the feeling, but even intoxicated she was cautious of the warden. Before the tavern door shut behind them, she heard Sera let out of a shout of joy._ _

__"The magic shite is gone!"_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will start picking up pace a bit after the next chapter. Some reveals will be made before Haven falls and by the time we reach Skyhold much will be answered to make way for new journeys. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcome. :-)


	27. Allied Freely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I **promise** that this story is not forgotten. 
> 
> Life has thrown me a few curve balls recently including pregnancy. Yep. :-) 
> 
> I'm excited, but in between work, my toddler, getting a house, discovering I'm pregnant, and life in general... I've been a little tired as of late. 
> 
> Winslow is still around though and she's determined to have her story told.

When the Herald finally set off for Redcliffe, the atmosphere around Haven changed. Even those not involved in planning knew that changes were coming. Winslow was no different as she gave Levias and even Cassandra a quick hug farewell. The Seeker had been surprised, but she had returned the hug with a small laugh. Once the party was out of sight, the waiting game truly began. 

She was still trying to think of a way to talk to Cullen and one morning on the way down for a run inspiration hit her. It was a guess really, but she knew that he was Fereldan so the odds were in her favor. Instead of taking her usual path to the lake, she approached his tent. She was unsure how to proceed though. There really wasn't a way to knock and she had no way of knowing if he was even awake. She settled on shaking the opening. There was a reaction almost immediately. 

"Hold on," his voice said from within as a shadow formed behind the opening. 

Afer a moment of untying, the flap pulled back to reveal the Commander. He was wearing a plain white shirt and brown pants and his normally perfect hair was a little ruffled exposing a curl pattern to it. _**So that's why Varric called him Curly**_ , she thought to herself. He was beyond handsome. 

His sleepy eyes took her in and she suddenly felt very unpresentable. She was dressed in plain brown leggings, dark knee high boots, and a white long sleeved tunic. She had left her cloak behind, but she did pull on a dark green vest before she had left that morning. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she really hoped she didn't look like she hadn't slept. 

"Is there something I can help you with Ambassador?" he finally asked breaking the silence. 

Such a formal greeting didn't really bode well, but she pushed past it. "Would you like to go for a ride?" she asked him. 

"I'm sorry?" he asked with confusion. 

"A horseback ride," she clarified, "I haven't rode the lovely creature you picked for me in some time and the company would be nice..."

"So you thought of me?" he asked, but she noticed that a light seemed to dance in his tired eyes. 

She twisted her hands in front of her nervously, "You were the only one I knew for sure would be awake."

That was a complete lie, but she was trying not to come off as desperate. "If you are too busy then I can go out alone," she said. 

"I am not," he said hurriedly and then rubbed the back of his neck, "Just give me a moment."

He disappeared from sight and she waited patiently beside his tent. The sounds from inside were faint, but she assumed he was changing. She glanced over at the frozen lake and caught sight of Rylen approaching her location. He waved at her and she returned it with a smile. 

"What are you doing lass?" he asked as he came closer. 

"Waiting on Cull... the Commander," she corrected herself. 

"Ah, you two going to continue training together again?" he asked sagely. 

"Actually, we are going out for a ride," she replied. 

Rylen eyes twinkled with mischief and she rolled her own in response. "You must really have something special to pull him away from his work in such a fashion," he teased. 

Interrupting her chance to respond, the tent opened behind her and the man in question emerged. He had dressed himself in his usal imposing armor, and she felt simultaneously sad for his horse and the loss of the comfortable masculinity he'd just been sporting. His hair was even fixed into it's perfect position. 

"Ready?" he asked her and she nodded in response. 

"Keep things together Rylen. I'll be back shortly," he addressed his second. 

Rylen saluted and as they walked away towards the stables he shot her a wink. The man was simply trouble. They made it to the stables in a companionable silence and she laughed with pleasure when she caught sight of her speckled girl. 

"Hey there Fortuna," she cooed lovingly and went to work saddling her. A nearby and tired looking stable boy attempted to help, but she shooed him away. She wanted to do it herself. When she finally was ready, she led her out and found Cullen waiting for her with a large white stallion. He looked just like the sort of beast that a _true_ commander would ride. 

She gracefully climbed onto Fortuna's back and patted her mane with care. "I've missed you Fortuna. You are so beautiful," she said soothingly repeating her new name. She didn't really know if a horse could learn it's name, but she thought it possible. 

"Fortuna?" Cullen asked from the back of his own mount. 

She blushed a little and straightened up in her saddle. "Yeah, um... Josie's been teaching me a little Antivan and it means _fortune_ or _luck_. I figured that I owe her my life too and I was fortunate that you picked her for me," she answered. 

"It's a good choice," he admitted. 

"What's his name?" she asked as she pointed at his horse. 

"Frank," he said. 

" _Frank_?" she asked and when he gave her a nod she started laughing uncontrollably. 

"I'll have you know that Frank is a very strong and manly Fereldan name," he said with an offended tone. 

She laughed even hard at his words and began steering Fortuna down the path past the tents and in the opposite direction of the breach. "I'll try to remember to remind your future wife to not let you name the children," she joked as he and Frank followed her lead. 

"Not that it will happen, but if I ever have a son then I'm definitely naming him," he said. 

She just giggled and shook her head. The woods were beautiful and the slowly gathering light on the horizon gave it an almost magical feel. She was pleased that she wasn't scared or nervous considering last time she was here she had been smited. 

"I spoke with Solas regarding my dream invading," she said into the peaceful silence. 

"What did he suggest?" he asked. 

"He offered to _meet_ me in the fade to practice safety, but I don't know... " she trailed off. 

"That might not be a bad idea," he advised. 

"Maybe not," she said in acceptance, "but I really don't like the idea of someone poking around in my head."

He cocked an eyebrow at her, "Really? I guess that is different than digging around in someone else's."

"That was a complete accident," she said, "I'm sorry. When I got to bed at night now, I concentrate very hard on minding my own business."

"It's alright Winslow. I just hate that you had to see that... see _me_ like that," he said while looking away from her. She realized that he was ashamed. Her heart grew heavy for him because she could relate to that feeling. 

She dree Fortuna in front of Frank causing him to look up at her. "I think no less of you for it. If anything, I'm proud of you because of how far you've come. You went through all of that Cullen and still managed to make something of yourself," she said sincerely. 

When he remained silent she decided to push on because her courage was up, "And I am sorry for loosing my temper with you. I never imagined that you could... care for me enough to worry so. My pride made me foolish, but I miss you and I want to fix this."

"I've missed you too," he said gently and she smiled as her heart fluttered. Fortuna nuzzled Frank and the stallion returned the gesture. 

"At any rate," he said, "you should consider taking Solas up on his offer. The fade is full of demons. Trust me on this."

"I'll give it... some thought," she conceded. 

The rest of their ride was relatively calm and they caught up on each other's work and latest challenges. He teased her quite a bit about the incident with The Iron Bull. He had spent so much time around the qunari in Kirkwall that the whole affair was positively a knee-slapper for him. 

If it had been anyone else teasing her, she probably would've been angry or embarrassed, but with him she was just so happy to see him so happy and carefree. They discussed recruiting the mages and she could tell it still bothered him, but considering the decision was made he was throwing his support behind Levias as he should. It was just another reason for her to admire him so.

When they finally parted ways, they were on common ground again and it felt normal. She had her friend back and even if that's all it'd ever be she could deal with that. Things felt better knowing that he wasn't mad at her and didn't despise her. 

**************

It was late afternoon and Cullen was at his makeshift desk. In a couple weeks time, things had really turned around for him. Winslow and he were on much better terms and they spent most mornings together training or talking. She was becoming as deadly as she was beautiful and he could truly admire that both as a man and as a commander. Rylen had made several comments about his improved mood. 

It did not fix everything though. Evenings and nights were still hard. He head would start to hurt and at times he would sweat and shake with the need for a dose, but he endured. It was getting harder to though and he now used the sleeping draught every night. He was terrified of pulling Winslow back in and putting her in danager and honestly he needed the rest to make it through the withdrawls. 

On this particular evening, his head was already splitting as he was trying to make it through the reports in front of him. His normally sharpened senses did not notice that anyone had entered his tent until they were upon him. 

"Commander do you have a moment?" a musically Orlesian voice asked and he looked up in surprise to find the spymaster in front of him. 

"Maker's breath Leliana, I didn't hear you enter!" he exclaimed. 

She smirked at him from under her purple hood, "You were rather distracted and besides I have extensive training in stealth."

"Apparently," he muttered as he pushed his resports aside, "how can I help you?"

She gracefully took a seat in the extra chair that he had procured for Winslow's visits and held a piece of parchment out to him. "This was delivered from the Herald by one of my private ravens nearly an hour ago," she said.

His curiousity was peaked as he unfolded it and began reading:

**  
Advisors,**

**The experience at Redcliffe has been more than we could have ever imagained. It appears that Alexius had indeed mastered time magic to some extent. Solas appears both disgusted and amazed by it and I have to agree. He used this to make sure that he arrived in Redcliffe before the Inquisition and is more than likely why Fiona does not remember our initial conversation.**

**At any rate, we have now literally seen what will happen if we do not stoo a being called The Elder One. We can discuss more in detail about him when I return, but please begin finding what you can on The Elder One and a cult calling themselves The Venatori. We must do what we can to defeat them.**

**The mages are now our allies and will be returning to Haven with us. It will take a little longer to get back as some are children and elderly, but we set out at first light. King Allistair will not allow them to stay a moment longer. I want Haven ready to receive them. According to Fiona, they are roughly two hundred strong. **

**Please also tell Winnie that I need to speak with her as soon as I return. There are matters her and I need to discuss before we meet as a group.**

**See you soon,  
Levias**

He struggled to process everything he'd just read, but one word stuck out: _allies_.

"How could Cassandra have let this happen?" he asked out loud. 

"And how should she have stopped it Cullen?" Leliana asked with a frown. 

"Any way she had to!" he said with a raised voice, "How in all of Thedas do you imagine we are going to have room for that many people, let alone mages? And we're just going to let them walk around _freely_?"

"As opposed to walking around in a controlled cage?" she argued. "Tell me Commander, would you enjoy watching Winslow be practically imprisoned?"

"The mages have not been _imprisoned_ , but they do need to be controlled or at the very least watched closely and we do not have the man power for that!" he roared as his forehead pulsed. 

"So we should lock Winslow away then in four walls to make sure she never harms someone by simply being a mage?" she asked again. 

"Why do you keep brining her up?" he asked as he leaned across his table, "Of course I don't think so. She's not a threat."

"And why not Commander? For she is certainly a mage," the spymaster said. 

His anger seemed to reach an apex at her line of questioning, "Because, not everyone should be punished for the actions of some!"

The redhead's face lit up with victory, "Exactly so! Not all of these mages are malificarum just as not all templars are rapists and thugs. The Herald is doing what the Maker wills and we _must_ support him Cullen. That is the only way this will work."

He shook his head and looked down, "This is dangerous."

"That will never change," she said softly, "People like you and I are not meant for safe and peaceful lives Commander. Also, for what it's worth, I believe that Winslow has been good for you. There is much for both of you to learn from one another."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy both quests: Champions of the Just and In Hushed Whispers.
> 
> Personally, I just have more sympathy for the mages. 
> 
> That being said, my opinion is that Champions of the Just is a better mission from a story telling standpoint. :/
> 
> Is that weird?


	28. What Once Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns Dragon Age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning** for sexual content, sexual violence, and overall violence. This fic is rated accordingly.

Two hundred mages influxing into Haven was an interesting and daunting task. Josie was ready to rip her hair out as was Threnn and Winslow could tell that Cullen's nerves were frayed as well. Everyone was walking on what felt like a very thin layer of ice. Tents and supplies had been setup throughout the woods and areas outside the gates and most people were already practicing the routes they would take to avoid contact with the mages. 

Winslow herself was unsure how she felt about it all. The thought of so many people, much less mages, was what really worried her. She stayed diligent in her correspondences with nobles and suppliers. That many bodies in a small area with not enough supplies could be a disaster. She knew that all too well from her experiences in the larger cities. 

The mages began arriving before Levias and the others. The had sent the children and older mages ahead with a group of battlemages as guards. She was shocked to see so many children with them and knowing that they had saved them from the clutches of Tevinter made her proud. In the course of four days, they had all arrived with Levias and his party being the very last. 

Josie and she had been talking with the blacksmith about some requisitions he could help with and she had been trying to block her friend from the Warden's view when a scout shouted that the Herald had arrived. She turned as saw them all approaching on horseback. A huge smile split across her face until she caught sight of Levias' face. 

His eyes were drawn with dark rings, his usually purposefully messy dark hair lacked it's shine, and he just appeared overall haunted. Her smile fled her face and she started moving toward him. He dropped from the back of his horse and when she was close enough, he enveloped her in a tight hug. This was the hug of someone who needed contact with another soul to stay tethered to the world. 

"What happened?" she asked into his shoulder. 

"I've seen what will come to pass if we don't stop this," he replied with his breath rustling her hair. 

He pulled away from her after a long moment and held her by the shoulders, "Before we all meet you and I need to speak privately."

There was something about the way that he said those words that made her nervous. "I'm free now," she offered knowing that Josie would be fine with her stepping away for whatever this was. 

He appraised her face before nodding. "Best get it over with," he mumbled.

He handed his reins off to a stable boy and with a nod to the others he led her away by her hand. None of the others tried to stop them, but she did see Rylen give them an odd look as they passed him near the gates. He didn't let go until he had pulled her fully into his cabin. She noticed that inside smelled faintly like him, but it was mostly bare as he was gone so much. It was also relatively cold as no fire or light was going. 

They were both standing awkwardly in the middle of the room and she was becoming more and more concerned. She reached out and placed a hand on his chest over his heart. His marked hand flared at her touch lighting up the room momentarily. 

"Ma falon you are worrying me," she said gently. 

He took a deep breath and placed his unmarked hand on top of hers, "You are a spy."

His words knocked the breath out of her and her hand on him was now a way to remain standing. 

"Your face says it all," he said. 

"No, it really doesn't," she said nervously. 

"Alexius sent us into the future Winnie... a future where The Elder One destroyed everything. The red lyrium was _everywhere_ and so many people died," she saw his throat work with emotion, "including you."

"I was dead..." she trailed off, "Then how did you find out?"

He gave a dry laugh. "Leliana was there and she was a walking corpse... the things they had done to her Winnie. She said that after my disappearance the Venatori stormed Haven. You were recognized as a spy they had lost and they publicly... _punished_ you before executing you," he finished heavily. 

It was a lot to take in and she didn't know where to begin. 

"Why didn't you tell the others?" she asked. 

He let out a pained sound and tightened his hand around hers, "Because they might kill you without waiting to hear you out and I couldn't bear the thought. Dorian was there as well, but he has given his word to remain silent until I could speak with you. They killed you because they lost you... I took that as a good sign."

A tear rolled down her left cheek and she met his gaze. "I will tell you the truth Levias. I just never wanted you or anyone else to hate me," she whispered. 

He gently wiped her tear away with his slightly glowing hand, "I could never hate you."

**************

_  
Her stomach was knotted from hunger, but she pushed it aside angrily. She should've sold the last horse she stole to make some coin, but someone had been swifter and smarter than her and stolen it. She was wearing a torn and dirty tunic that used to be white, a holely pair of black pants, and boots a size too small that were permanently blistering her small feet. Her blond locks hung lank and dirty on her shoulders._

_She was doing the best she could to blend in with the wall behind her. She was currently in the slums of Denerim and she despised it. The smell of piss and shit clung to everything. She was waiting though... waiting for her moment to strike. It would come though because there was always sin no matter how many Chantry sisters tried to pray it away._

_She really didn't have to wait too long before she saw him. He was exotically tanned with dark brown hair and otherwise common features. He was wearing a rich green velvet outfit and there were rings with obnoxious gems on his fingers. He was perfect._

_Very carefully, she loosened her dirty to tunic to reveal the valley between her breasts. He was scanning the cluttered and dirty streets and when his eyes landed on her against the wall a predatory look came over his face. He thought she was the prey._

_He got right up on her and she really had to admit that he smelled nice compaired to their surroundings. No doubt she smelled like dirt and sweat, but these noble men came to the slums chasing that and so much more._

_"What is a lovely creature such as yourself doing down here?" he asked as he leaned forward to whisper in her ear._

_As he did so, he placed his hands on her hips and pushed a kneee between her thighs. He clearly wasn't a shy one._

_"What do you want me to do?" she asked him with lowered eyes as she pushed her breasts further out._

_"Come and I'll show you," he grabbed her hand and began pulling her toward the only tavern in the slums. Whenever she pulled this trick she tried to stay as close by it as she could as the owner seemed to have a soft spot for her that she might need one day._

_Once inside the small establishment, he kept her pinned to his side while he paid for the room. The usual tavern maid was looking at her with a mixture of scorn and pity that she neither wanted or needed. Not doubt in her mind, Winslow fucked every man she lured here._

_They weren't in the cramped room for a single second before his grasping hands were inside her loose shirt. She felt his rough hands squeeze her breasts and bile rose into her throat._

_She had to be very careful here. If she moved too fast she could loose her profit and if she moved to slow he could seriously hurt her. He pushed her roughly onto the musty mattress and started to yank her pants down. She needed to redirect quickly._

_She arched her back lustily and reached for the waist of his velveety pants. "You first my lord," she purred._

_He complied quickly and they both worked to remove his clothes. Vulnerability was such a huge factor in her game. When he was naked, he sat on the edge of the bed and looked her over as he forced her to stand in front of him._

_"Now you undress for me," he demanded._

_She winked at him and began to run her hand down her leg suggestively. When she reached her boot she seized her moment and used her dexterity and agility to swiftly remove her hidden dagger from her boot and bring it to his throat. His eyes narrowed and instead of looking scared the man appeared venomous._

_"You little fucking whore," he hissed between gritted teeth, "Do you know who I am?"_

_"It doesn't matter," she said, "I have nothing to loose. Now, I want all your coin and valuables."_

_"You'll have to take them from my corpse," he challenged._

_This wasn't the first time one had gotten tough with her, but it was the first time she actually believed one._

_"Don't make this harder than it has to be," she said as she pushed the dagger into his throat breaking the skin and causing some blood to drip down onto his nice shirt._

_"Little fool," he said as the blood on his neck started to glow. She blinked in disbelief at the sight before she felt herself thrown back against the wall. Her head hit hard wood and there was a cracking sound. Darkness followed soon after._

__

**************

__

_The first thing she was aware of was that her clothes had been changed. She was in a deep blue silk dress that reached down to touch her shackled feet. The neck line was plunging and basically left her breats exposed. Her blonde hair was all around her throbbing head, but it appeared clean for once. In fact, she felt cleaner all over. Her body was in a chair and her arms were tied around the back of it. She tested the security of it and was rewarded with the burn of rope against her wrists. This was not good. _

_She glanced around and noticed that she was in someone's room. A very nice room from what she could tell. The bed was huge and canopied in silks. A door opened and the noble she had cornered entered the room. Terror gripped her and her body gave her away by trembling._

_"There's my little thief," he said haughtily as he came to stand before her, "Not so tough now are you huh? But I recognize potential when I see it. I'm paid well to do that."_

_"You're a blood mage," she said with hate._

_"I'm a mage," he confirmed, "but blood magic is not all I know."_

_"What do you want from me?" she asked him shakily._

_"To offer you a job," he replied shocking her._

_"A job?" she asked incredulously, "Doing what?"_

_"Does it really matter my little thief?" he asked with a smirk as he removed a large bag of coin from his pocket and poured it at her feet. The gold danced in the fire light and she considered all the things she could buy with this coin._

_"There's quadruple that amount for you if you complete the job," he tempted._

_"What could you possibly pay me this much for?" she asked._

_"There's a meeting coming up. A very important one that will decide the fate of many mages in Thedas. My employer is a very powerful magister and he wants to know what's happening there. You could be my, or shall I say his, eyes and ears," he cooed. _

_She shook her head, "And how will the likes of me get into that meeting?"_

_"You leave that to me," he promised and then his eyes roamed over her body, "but first I will have what you denied me."_

_His large hands began to pull the dark silk of her dress up her legs and she knew that struggling would only make it worse._

__

**************

__

_The Temple of Sacred Ashes was packed. She had gained access easily with the letter the mage had given her. Relief poured out of her when she thought of him. She was so glad to be away from him. He had only taken her that one time, but he had been rough and now it was seared into her memories as one of the worst._

_Mages, templars, nobles, and Chantry officials were everywhere and she kept her hand on the dagger at her waist as she followed the flow of the crowd. If she kept up the pretense of appearing to know what she was doing then that lessened the chance of someone stopping her for questioning._

_She noticed an open door in passing by it and recognized a moment to get away. She slipped inside it and brought the door almost closed, but she didn't latch it in case it locked behind her. A moment to get her anxiety under control was very welcome. So many people put her nerves on edge._

_It took her only two seconds or less to realize she was not alone. Luckily, there were rows of shelves filled with miscellaneous odds and ends and whoever she could hear speaking could not see her._

_"Everything is almost in place Mavrick," a man's voice said, "The Elder One wants The Divine so he shall have her. Also, he has promised that extra supplies of blood have been sent as well."_

_Goosebumps ran up her arms and she focused on breathing steady and silently. "Excellent," another man's voice answered, "We are so close to victory. The amount of blood spilt here will not matter as long as we pave the way to the future."_

__

**************

__

_She was running through the snow as fast as she could. There were still some people this far down the mountain just waiting to see what happened, but she had no intention of sticking around. The Magister and his disgusting lacky could shove all that gold up their asses for all she cared. She wanted to live._

_People were starting to look at her oddly so she forced herself to slow down, but she still kept a brisk pace. She hadn't got very far at all when she felt the ground shake underneath her feet. There were gasps from those around her as they reacted to the sensation as well. She turned around to look back at the temple right as it exploded._

_A huge blast of fire, smoke, and debris shot straight up into the air. It seemed to form into the shape of a mushroom as it rose higher and higher. Several woman screamed out in terror and a gasp of fear escaped her own throat. A man managed to yell out over the din, "RUN!"_

_They all started moving down the mountain in a choatic press of bodies. None of them were fast enough though as rubble, trees, and falling rock began to shower down around them. I wasn't fast enough, Winslow thought to herself._

__

**************

"And now you know," Winslow said as she looked up at Levias, "I obviously never attempted to contact him again nor do I _want_ to. I hope he believes that I am dead."

There were silent tears falling down her face and his hands came up to cup her cheeks. 

"Thank you for telling me. I believe you," he said gently, "I see no reason to reveal this to anyone else. You've told me nothing that Redcliffe didn't reveal."

She nodded in relief as she choked back a desperate sob. "You must promise me that if they try to contact you then you will tell either myself, Leliana, or Cullen as soon as possible," he said firmly.

"I swear it," she promised. 

He pulled her into his chest tightly and swayed as he rubbed her back soothingly. 

"Winnie, I promise you that you will never have to do things like that ever again," he said with emotion. 

She stayed in the shelter of his arms until she had control of herself again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry my posts have slowed down, but my life has become extremely chaotic. Good news is tomorrow I'll be 11 weeks and so close to the second trimester where _hopefully_ my morning [aka all day] sickness will go away. 
> 
> I promise this story is not forgotten. It just may take longer than I anticipated. :-)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
